The Client

I've got a client.

Said the good lady with the oddest expression in her face.

A bloody what? What are we, a prostitute now?

I said somewhat incredulously. I certainly hadn't seen this coming. Although I did have a memory of promising a two hour massage in exchange for some hungry hippo mouth snorfling once.

Damn, it's a slippery slope. It probably all started from there.

Very funny Daddy, I am sure it hasn't escaped your attention that I have been training to become a Doula?

Hmm, that did ring a bit of a bell.

But you haven't finished your training? Wasn't I doing your website? I haven't finished it yet. How can you have a client? Is it even allowed?

Yes it's allowed you doofus. Someone on the Doula Facebook group recommended me based on the advice I was giving to someone else and it just snowballed from there.

I gazed at her with my best Kung Fu master face. She gazed back.

I narrowed my eyes.

She held my stare and tilted her head to one side.

The silence stretched out.

I raised an eyebrow.

She furrowed her whole-brow.

I took a deep breath and let it out.

How much are you charging this client?

The good lady stated a number. I gasped as if punched right on the tip of the penis.

Really? Like, wtfunkz? Is that normal? Are you a high-class Doula or something?

Oh, ha ha. It is perfectly normal. Anyway you are the one who told me to rate what I did and not to undersell myself.

Did I? Wow, I rock.

I patted my tummy as if I had just eaten a wolf.

Alright then. Just one thing though?...

Yes Daddy bear?

This client... It's not a man is it?

Yes Daddy bear, it's a man. I can't wait.

I gave her my best someone's been boiling beef in the kettle again face.

Ha bloody ha.

Trust her to take a joke too far.