That Swing

in #life5 months ago

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I must say, I don't normally like red wine but this stuff is amazing.

Big D, my older brother, twirled the wine in his glass around with a morbid fascination as if he had caught Sharon Stone's leathery old vagina trying to tip over his trash cans out the back.

I tilted my cap at him from the armchair opposite and clumsily winked.

Aye. It hits the spot alright.

I put a hand out to the side of the chair to steady myself.

Big D intently stared at the walls of my lounge in the same way that idiots look at dog's arses in the hope of finding Jesus.

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I mean. I think I will need to get a taxi soon. I feel a bit humped, mate.

Big D's eyes spun into the back of his head for a moment. He snapped back into reality with a jolt.

What's in it again?

He wafted the wine glass as if conducting an orchestra in Virtual Reality.

What?

I asked confusedly.

This stuff. Fuck sake mate, I'm out my nut.

My Brother flinched as if he had stood on a table and banged his head on the ceiling.

It's just mulled wine dude. You know, oranges, cloves, cinnamon. Oh aye and brandy. Don't forget the brandy.

I finished the remains of mine and tottered to my feet to reach the jug and slip some more winey goodness in our cups.

Brandy?

Yup, brandy. The secret sauce.

I smiled. Sauce was funny.

Do you... remember when we built that swing at the old sawmill?

My brother closed his eyes for a moment and took a hearty swig from his cup.

Aye. I do. It was a right good swing.

I chuckled like a man remembering a good old rope swing tied to a tree.

I fucking love... loved that swing.

He sighed hugely and squinted at me through one eye, the other having given up the ghost for the evening.

Best time of my life that swing. Fucking loved it. Remember it?

His head bobbed around like a chicken lollipop in a kids hand.

Aye, I remember.

I wasn't sure what I remembered but I was convinced that it was something swingy.

Av no swung on a swing that good since...

His voice trailed off and he looked off into the distance with his one eye.

The door to the lounge opened and the Good Lady popped her head around the door.

Oh no. You've not been drinking his mulled wine?

I wasn't sure if this was a rhetorical question so remained mute.

He said... He said it had brandy in it?

My brother wobbled to his feet and patted at random pockets on his person.

Can you call me a taxi?

He said to no one in particular.

Aye. You're a fucking taxi.

I giggled and found I couldn't stop.

I love Christmas. I don't know if I can stay awake for Santa though.

Sort:  

as if he had caught Sharon Stone's leathery old vagina trying to tip over his trash cans out the back.

Oh fuck, I thought Sharon Stone only did that to my trash cans!

Merry Christmas my brother, you're a champ, a Titan as we would say, and I appreciate you. I hope you and yours have a good one and 2022 is amazing. I'm not going to make a reference to crypto here...

Fuck that, yes I am! Goooooooooooo CRYPTO!

Sharon Stone, she gets about!!

Merry Christmas dude, if it still is there. You are a time traveling Titan that deserves the very best . I hope you and your good lady have a bloody cracker!

And yes, crypto, go go go!!! :0D

It's still Christmas here...Pushing on to 16:30 in the afternoon. Nap time. Lunch went well, just did a little post on it actually.

I hope you and the Boomy-fam has a good day mate...Lego, there better be Lego, or I'll be very upset!

Cryptopia is on the way

A wee nap is always grand. I will be checking out your post later when the craziness had calmed down.

There was Lego!! Not a huge one though, I was mildly disappointed!!

Lego is Lego...Even the small ones. 😀

It was fun!

as if he had caught Sharon Stone's leathery old vagina trying to tip over his trash cans out the back.

A parade of horrific visions flooded my mind as I read this. Happy Holidays.

Dangerous drink you have there, sounds delicious. Now why did I not think of this when making appropriate purchases earlier today? I went ale-out instead.

Totally hilarious post, I ate up every word. Thanks for giving me laughs and big grin.

Hehe, cheers!

That one is a horrific vision. Right up there with it floating in space and latching onto your ship :0D

Merry Christmas!

That one is a horrific vision. Right up there with it floating in space and latching onto your ship :0D

Oh, that's even worse, I'm seeing teeth now, in a place they ought not to be.

Merry Christmas to you too, yummy cheers!

Lol. If no, I have even gotten as far as to imagine teeth!!! Yeeek!!

Here's hoping Christmas chases away the vision!! :0D

My mind went there, but admittedly, it had warm up build first, lol.

Here's hoping Christmas chases away the vision!! :0D

I'm visioning:
More ale, spring rolls, more ale, thai peanut chicken, more ale, coconut rice.
Oh, and throw some scotch in there since it's all I have in the house at present.

Scotch always works. I wouldn't mind some Thai peanut chicken! I am having some kind of slightly Thai'ish salmon tomorrow. And lots of ale!!

Ohhhh, salmon, I'm down for that any day. Fish where I am is sadly lacking, but I did score some smoked salmon. Thai food is one of my favourites. I had the feeling you were an ale person, although I still want some of that mulled wine, lol.

In my mind, can't go wrong with a good scotch.

I love a bit of salmon!!

Yes indeed, I have some good ones in for the holidays, tomorrow will be all about the ale I mean family and children :0D

I've known many taxis. It's always a trip being around those.

I think i have been called a taxi many times on occasion. I wonder what poor old taxis have done to deserve such insolence!

Someone misdialed once at four in the morning; called and asked for a ride. I said, "Do I look like a fucking taxi!"

He said, "I don't know. I can't see you."

That's something our video calling next generation will just not be able to grasp. Darn, is a good one though!!

Merry Christmas dudester!!

Merry Christmas!

Haha, I haven't heard this one before. His dick melting in his hand 🤣🤣

This was a local star when I was a kid:

Haha, they certainly do not write them like that anymore! I was saying to my mate about novelty no1s perhaps being dead. It would be sad if they were!

Maybe next time ask them to look through their phone to see you.

Yeah. Just press it up to eye. I'm surprised most people didn't know they could do that with those old land lines.

Lack of visualization, I suspect.

That fake snow spray stuff makes me see sounds.

😂Where on the scale do those sounds fall, or maybe I should say sound out?

Some of the folk in my work seem incapable of looking at the world in any other way!

That's a sad state of affairs.

Life for some is more the recording than the living!

I'm all about the living, focusing on recording means missing out on the good stuff.

Brandy in wine? o_O

I don't drink either of those things...or at least I definitely don't drink wine...to know if they would go together XD

Sounds like you both enjoyed it which is the main thing XD

They go splendidly together. It is a bit crazy though. It's been my secret mulled wine recipe addition for years. It fair loosens folk up! It was very good although the talking gibberish bit was a bit wearing. Still, sometimes you need to clean them pipes!!

A bit wearing because your own addled brain was struggling to keep up? Or just because it was relentless? XD

It was both!! The wine and the talking were both relentless. I still feel knackered by it!!!

LoL! Well as long as you had fun and nobody got hurt XD

The only hurt was in the metaphorical sense, I am sure. lol!

Brandy is a hell of a hangover..

I am experiencing just that right now. Blegh

I tried to warn ya..

It was too late. I was goosed by then!!

Merry erry err Christmas ass ass Boom oooom oooooooom.

Merry Christmas Mr Dan!! At least, I think it's Christmas. It's dark in here!!

Cuz what kinda selfish muthafaka would I be if I didn't share the funniest handle I've ever seen with you.

Happy new year!

Happy new year!!!

Oh lordy, that is a funny one. It looks like he is blissfully unaware!!

Glad to hear someone else puts the secret sauce in. Brandy and wine at 1-1 ratio=awesomeness

Merry Christmas and many yellow snowballs!

Lol. It is an awesome thing and hits you like a hammer!!

Merry Christmas dude but no yellow snowballs 🤣🤣

!PIZZA

Only the "Boomster" could combine an obscenely-posed Santa doll, leathery private parts, and a hairy dogs "arse" (Ass, to my fellow Yanks), into a ribald (we need to use that word more, don't we?), but charming Christmas Eve tale. Drink one for me 'B'! And be sure to grope the missus under the mistletoe!

But not her toes mind you, unless you're into that sort of thing! :)


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Hehe. I love that photo!! Really captures the moment although I do believe done folk have railed against it lately. Pfft.

I think I have drank one for everyone. It feels like I'm swimming!

Have a ribald (indeed a splendid word) meet Christmas mate!

So Brandy is the secret ingredient. I need to remember that. I can see how that would sneak up on you or maybe roll over you like a steam roller, if you're not used to it hahaha

It adds that certain something! I remember trying some in a place onxe and thinking, aye aye, this isn't the regular mulled wine I'm used to and asked the guy what was in it. I have never looked back!

Sharon was awesome and desirable once, remember Basic Instinct and the crossing legs? You have to remember what was.., just like that swing.

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I remember it well. She was the frosty lovely blonde. But that was before her thing came creeping around my back for leftovers :0D

Haha.., today it may not be so fresh.

Nothing feels fresh today!

Have some !BEER on top of that spiked mulled wine!

Haha, I have called it spiked wine, also mauled wine!

I never refuse a !BEER ! :0D


Hey @jacobtothe, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

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Cheers and Merry Christmas. I won't drink Brandy since Im not as classy as your honor, just Vodka and Redbull for me.

Cheers and merry Christmas!!!

I have drank vodka and redbull on many a happy night. Woot woot!!

I bet you did ;)

I love Christmas.

Me too. Even if I live alone in most of the other days in the year, I can still spend at least a part of the Christmas (and the New Year's Eve) with my brother. Merry Christmas to everyone. Have a nice day and have a nice weekend. All the best. Greetings and much love from Hungary.

All the best dudeski!! Have a great Christmas!! It's a great time. In sitting across from my brother right now!

So you're saying I'm an idiot for looking for Jesus in dogs' arses?

Absolutely not. That was the Brandy talking. Or was it the Brandty talking?! Oh lord, I don't know. Is there such a thing as a dogs arse? How can you think to even go looking for them!

If there is such a thing as a dog's arse I'm sure Jesus will show us the way. Let us be diligent in prayer.

Wait, are we praying to the dogs arse or to Jesus? I get so confused. Which one is more likely to grant us our three wishes?

I'm as confused as you are now. I think if we just ask the genie to make sure all dogs go to heaven with a bottle of brandy when they die then it'll be fine.

That's how we will find Jesus, such a selfless act!!!

According to what I have read, you were drinking with your brother and remembering the swing in which they shared, when you say that he looks with the only eye, I think that he is so intoxicated that the other eye is closed, and I think that you fell asleep, no you could wait for your Christmas gift brought by SANTA, but the important thing is that you enjoy with your brother.
A hug and merry Christmas, I hope your brother has more stability in his head, a chicken shoulder in the hand of a child, huuuuuuum I imagine how your brother was

My brother was falling over! It was good though. In the end. I am sure it was good at the time as well but it did get a little hazy :OD

!PIZZA

Whatever wine that would turn me into a one eyed fuck is what I need right now. I have water, maybe that Jesus in the dog's ass can turn it into the good stuff for me?

Quick, get Good Lord of Dogs arsery to turn that water into wine and fast! Then rob a drunk for his brown bag brandy and boom! One eyed'ness is all yours!

Wine snakes up on you at the best of times. Wine and brandy though. Mother of jaysus. That's some hangover right there.

It was fricking magic though. I was pie eyed. Ah the singing and the madness. Great stuff. Reminds me of getting hooting on champagne and rum!!

I lived in the Canaries for a couple of years and they have this rum down there called Arehucas. Sweet sweet nectar if you ever get your hands on a bottle. Unreal stuff but the hangover. Mother of jesus. At one point there was a Grand Sapeur at the end of my bed blowing sand in my face. I'd say there's acid in it.

Hahaha, I want to try that. I love the canaries. Mostly been to Fuerte and Lanzarote. Cannae wait to go back and will make sure it's on my list!

Oh a perfect reminder to start some mulled wine!!
Merry Christmas to the Boom n Crew!!!

Merry Christmas to you and yours dude!! Good holidays too!

And mulled wine always helps it along :OD

WOW! Were you able to stay wake for Santa? Did he leave you a gift?

I do believe he did!!! If not there will be trouble! :0)


Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @jacobtothe for you. Enjoy it!

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Merry Christmas 🎅🤶⛄🎊🎉❄️🎂🙏🙏🙏

A very merry Christmas to you too!!

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