Lessons from the Other Side
The Unappreciated Life
Mazi woke up by 08:05 am. It was a Saturday morning. He was dressed in a cotton pajamas. He walked slowly to the front door and opened it. On the front porch was the day's newspaper. He bent to pick it up and felt a pain in his hip. The years are finally taking their toll, he thought. He lowered himself on the rocking chair on the porch and unfolded the newspaper.
On the front page, it read:
Did You Hear: Professor of Art Gives Art to Alma Mater?
Professor Ikenna Obiora Eze has been a professor of art at University of California, Los Angeles for almost twenty years. Every year he finds time out of his busy schedule to create and donate a distinct work of art to schools he had been to. This year he donated a statue to his alma mater, Penn State University. It was a gigantic statue that took him half of the year, working every weekend alone, to complete it. He was very proud of his achievements but he was not a happy man.
People who knew him understood him to be a very traditional man. Even though he had the title of professor in the US, he still chose to be addressed as Mazi (similar to Mister), which was a title reserved for men who have buried their father in his native Nigerian village. None of those who were called Mazi had living fathers. But Mazi Eze was not a happy man.
Mma, or Mmadinobi, his daughter was a constant thorn in his flesh. It would seem to an unbiased observer that her life mission was to frustrate the aging professor. Since she was thirteen years old, she had been in and out of trouble. It seemed there was no end and no solution to it. More than the embarrassment she caused her father, was the worry which constantly furrowed his brows. He had tried everything from threats to a father-daughter talk.
Mma had good, though not spectacular, grades throughout high school. However, after graduation, she had refused to listen to the father. All admonitions to settle down, prepare and write admissions tests, fell on deaf ears.
It was not up to two months they both sat on that porch and attempted to talk.
"Mma, before I became a professor, before I was a citizen of this country, before I knew which leg to stand on, there was you. You were and always have been the shining star of my life and your mom's," he paused, and searched her face to meet her eyes. She avoided his gaze.
"Please, look at your father," he said in almost a whisper. The pain in his voice made her look up and she saw the tears in his eyes. She always felt that her father was given to drama but she had never seen him cry before. She did not know how to react. She chose indignation.
"Daddy, you said you wanted to talk. You should have just said you wanted to make me feel guilty. Well, it is not working. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry, I have to go now," she said as she collected her cell phone and jacket and walked down the short steps to her boyfriend's car waiting down the road.
Mazi was left alone with his thoughts. He thought about his years growing up in Nigeria. At Mma's age, he own father still disciplined his with the cane. Such things were not allowed in the US. He watched her join the almost thirty-five years old guy in his old chevrolet and they drove off.
Mazi could not tell which of the two was the source of all the havoc that had erupted between the two since she started hanging with him and his crowd. She had be arrested twice by campus security once once by the police indecent exposure, illicit drug use and assault. He wondered if Mma was addicted to any drugs.
Unknown to Mma, her father was battling with a whole new problem concerning her. Just a week before, he received an envelop filled with pictures 5x7 inches nude pictures of his daughter doing things he never imagined. He was shocked and could not look at her and the man in the picture. He never thought the problem was this big. He blamed himself. He was too busy with his career and her mother was away in Nigeria. He did not give her enough attention, he thought.
A Call From Home
He was still brooding about the problem when his phone rang. It was his uncle John from Nigeria. He seldom received calls from home except there was an urgent need or some grave news so he dreaded calls from home. He had enough problems as it was. He did not take the call. He let it ring out. He noticed that he had been holding his breath. He breathed out and called back his uncle.
"Hello, Mazi," he said. "How is everyone at home?"
He listened to the weak voice on the other end of the line. He was barely audible.
"Yes, Mma and her mother are doing very well," he answered.
After listening some more, he said, "Oh, that's so sad. Was she sick? I'm so sorry to hear that."
His aunt, uncle John's wife took ill and died two nights ago. He promised to send money home for his uncle's upkeep and the burial of his wife. He had been part of that reality but he still could not figure out why his people made burial ceremonies so expensive that, apart from the grief of losing a loved one, people had to worry about laying their bodies to rest due to the cost involved.
His thoughts about the recently deceased was interrupted by the blackmailers and the nude pictures of his daughter they had sent. He could not still figure out who could have done such a lowlife thing. He suspected it had something to do with the Dean of Arts election that was coming up soon. He needed a break from all that, he thought. Then it suddenly hit him that instead of sending money, he could actually take his leave and travel home for that burial, taking Mma with him. The thought lifted his spirits.
Mma was born in Nigeria but she was only a baby when she was brought to the US. Ever since, she had never visited Nigeria before. She had heard stories and had always wanted to go. Unfortunately, it had not been possible for her to visit due to the logistics involved. The more Mazi thought about it, the better the idea seemed to him. He would have to be careful how he approached the matter. Mma knew uncle John and his wife and the woman doted on her.
He decided to call Mma's cell. Tactically he told her that perhaps he'd been too hard on her and that he would like the two of them to get along better. She seemed to like the idea because it would give her more leverage to take advantage of the professor. She agreed to come home early so they could have dinner as a family.
Dinner went well. Mazi did not break the news of his aunt's death to her that night. He focused on appeasing Mma in every way he could. A week later, Mma returned to find a sad-looking Mazi sitting on at the front porch on the rocking chair.
"What's wrong, dad?"
"I received news of my aunt's death. Aunt Felicity, has passed away," he said.
Mma immediately grew sad. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Will you have to go home?"
"Yes. I will have to go before the end of next week," he replied, holding his breath. His strategy would work best if she offered to go without any exertion from him.
"Can I come with you?"
"Yes, I think so. Have you made travel arrangements?" Mazi asked.
"No, Dad."
In that case, Mazi decided to book the flight. Mma's tickets were for a round trip, so she could not have believed that she was not returning to the United States of America.
A Parallel Universe...
Mazi and his daughter arrived Lagos, then took another flight to Enugu where Amandu, Mazi's nephew was waiting in the airport to take them home. Mma was fascinated with everything she saw. She especially liked the yellow tricycle used as cab in the municipal. Amandu drove slowly, carefully avoiding the long vehicles until they were out of town. He drove another twenty-two miles East before making a detour into a dirt road.
Mma was enjoying the trip but the shakes and bumps seemed about to make her slightly sick. She wound down the glass of the back door and put her head through the window to allow the cold morning breeze blow on her face. She took in the scenery. Before her spread out undulating hills and rocks scattered among cassava farms and flat swampy land on which rice was planted. They arrived their hometown of Aro.
Mma was surprised at the kind of welcome their received. It appeared that the whole kindred had been waiting for them. There were a mixture of what seemed her as screams and songs. The women, teenagers and little children came in turn to greet her with a hug. Even though she had never met these people, she felt at home.
That was when she met Cynthia, her first cousin, first daughter to uncle Bundu and aunt Maria. She thought it was odd that she had such a name, having lived in the village all her life but she did not have to think about that for long because she discovered that she spoke English with surprising fluency in spite of her accent.
Perhaps the biggest shock Mma received was the fact that Cynthia was a first year student of Microbiology at the University of Nigeria Nsukka and it was from there that she came home to help her mom with farm work and other domestic chores. Mma wished she could speak Igbo as much as Cynthia spoke English.
Finally, the songs and greetings were done with and the father and daughter walked a few yards to the front door of their house. It was a red brick house that looked abandoned from the outside. At the entrance of the house stood an old woman, smiling. Granny, Mma thought.
She had only visited them twice in the US all her life. She still looked strong and energetic in spite of her 85 years on earth. She spread her arms and accepted Mma in warm embrace. Mazi stood by and admired his mother. She molded him into the man he was and until that moment, he dared not disobey her. He released one hand from Mma and pulled in Mazi. They stood there for a couple of minutes, then went into the sitting room together.
"Obiora," she called out. "You look tired and worried. You will eat and tell me what bothers you. Please come to the dining."
"Mama," she called Mma. "Come on..."
After having breakfast, Mma went to seek out Cynthia while Mazi and his mother, Arith talked in the kitchen. He narrated his troubles with Mma to his mother, making sure to understate the gravity of it all. She sat quietly and listened. Finally, when he was done, she quietly responded: "Well, she is not going back. Where is her passport?" she asked, getting to her feet and climbing their stairs to Mma's room with surprising agility. She returned almost immediately with Mma's passport and proceeded to lock it in the safe sitting at the front right corner of the sitting room.
Mazi watched silently. This was exactly what he expected. The woman hadn't changed one bit.
The Funeral
The funeral ceremony of Mrs. Felicity Eze took place three days later. It was a long ceremony constituting Christian burial rites and the more complicated traditional Igbo funeral rites. It lasted all day
Two days after the funeral, Mazi made a trip to visit his best friend of nearly forty-two years. He was expected to return to Aro before returning to the US with Mma. He never came back. Two weeks after, Mma asked granny when Mazi was coming back and the reply she received shocked her.
"Your daddy has returned to the US to be with his wife. You're stuck with me now."
She quickly ran to her room and searched her bag, pouring out all the content. Her ticket and her passport were gone. She tried to call Mazi from the only location in the village with average cellular but could not get through. After another two weeks with granny, she decided to write a letter to her parents for the very first time in her life.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am so sorry for the troubles I have been causing you both. I did not realise it before now but I have been a horrible daughter. Please forgive me for the pains I have caused you.
But Daddy, you have to get me out of here before I die. There is no electricity, no Internet, every road is a dirt road. Granny is not making things any easier, she does not use the electric power generator. She does not use the fridge. Her chilled water comes from an earthen pot. Did you know that she would cook soup and keep warming and eating it for one week until there is no taste left in it?
Granny does not spend any of the money you send to her. She will not give me any money until I am admitted to college. She locks it up in her safe. Granny is so hard. Please I want to come back.
We go to farm every other day and I have to fetch hay for her goats. Uhh, I feel like poisoning those goats. I don't have any friends. Please let me come back. If I have to live here another month, I will surely die.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Your daughter,
Mma
Both parents were surprised to see the tone of their daughter's letter. Her mother was tempted to bring her back but it was out of her hands. Her grandmother would send her back whenever she feels she had been rehabilitated.
It took Mma three months to realize that she was not going back to the US, at least not yet. She gradually started accepting the situation for what it was. She studied for and passed the entrance exam to the University.
Mma had just finished her final year exams when her Granny took ill and she had to return to her hometown. She knew she was not going to make it. Her grandma waved her close and when she was near enough, she gave her the combination of the safe. But now, she didn't need it. That night, Mrs. Arith Eze died in her sleep but the lessons Mma learned from that old woman would remain with her for the rest of her days.
Authored by @churchboy
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@churchboy another masterpiece. Returning Mma to her roots was exactly the solution needed to override the negative almost toxic influence of the corruptive lifestyle of the Western world as mentioned in your write up. I don't think I will allow my child to receive elementary training from such places without first being well rooted in the old but gold practices of respect for the elders and traditions. Thanks for the great write up
@kingeazi come see this
Thank you so very much for your comments. I think it is possible to raise a child well anywhere in the world. Raising a child in a city, especially in the more developed part of the world, presents unique difficulties for busy parents because they are in a constant fight with the society in the job of providing the child with learning.
Unfortunately, the society wins this fight most of the time because information is generated from multiple media, hitting the child with a deluge of toxic information that the parents would have extreme difficulties in reversing.
I'm amazed that you took the time to read through the long story. Thank you!
I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. Growing up, I remember sharing my homework with my parents, particularly history work, that my parents disagreed with. They told me, learn what you must in order to do your duty as a student and to thrive academically, and then we will teach you the real truth. Teaching children that there is always more than one version of events, and not always one 'right' way to do things, is imperative to personal growth! Lest parents not forget, if you want your children to understand you and your ways, you must also understand them and the ways of the world they are growing up in. Reciprocity is key. Thank you for the story.
Yes, you are absolutely right about reciprocity. If parents refuse to understand their children and the world in which they are growing in, the child may shut out their parents, making it impossible for the parents to know what's going on in their life and steer them in the right direction.
I appreciate your comments. Thank you.
Its easy to point a country or group of people as good or bad, but your story didn't do that. Instead the story is about being exposed to change. Mma doesn't learn anything from her father's words or her grandmother's discipline; the lesson comes from being given the chance to reflect on how life is compared to how life could be. Beautiful writing.
Oh, no. I don't think there is any particular country that is not doing upbringing right. There is only perception and perhaps the propensity to be restless and dissatisfied no matter how well things are going for us. In my opinion, this chronic restlessness is a disease that is endemic to modern life.
A more rural existence would teach people the value of what they did have in their modern lives and help them be more appreciative of life's gifts and the perks of modern life. That's what this story is about. I'm so glad you took the time to read and leave a nice comment. What an awesome person you are!
@churchboy truly it takes a whole community to train a child that includes the media. It gets worse if there are no parents or guardians to stir in the right direction and offer positive reinforcement. Thanks again for your engaging posts please keep it coming.
Thank you so much. We do what we can. You're amazing.
watch this video :
Nice story, I think I've gotten something
👍👍👍👍 Nice work @adsactly
Wonderful lessons here i must say. The letter to her parents is so touching. Really beautiful write up. I normally look out for positivity in posts and there is a lot we should all learn here.
When i was younger, my dad was always there. He listens, guides and helped me make decisions about what to watch and listen to. It's not so much that he was telling me what to do but that he knew what was happening in my life. I know he cared, And when I screwed up, he always prayed with me."
Parents from all socioeconomic strata are distressed. Unfortunately, the response by some parents is to lose interest in their kids. What we teach our children is the foundation of what they become.
Working parents who make family time a priority and are committed to their child's development are just as capable of establishing a healthy bond with their child as non-working parents. Creating a secure, healthy attachment with your child requires more than a certain amount of time spent together -- it requires love, nurturing, commitment, attending to your child's physical needs and developing a sense of connection to your child.
Just like what @churchboy said while replying @badmusgreene, When work intrudes on family time, children suffer. "Quality time" is a misnomer. Children need quantity when it comes to parent involvement. The amount of time invested is directly related to the degree of psychological adjustment. I look forward to more engaging posts from @adsactly. Nice one @churchboy. It feels great to be here @velimir. Thanks for the invite once again.
Wow amazing
You truly understand the concept of child rearing. You would make an amazing father. Someone once said, "In the early stages of a child development, they need touching and love. To them, love is like a vitamin or some other valuable nutrient. As a child would develop rickets due to deficiency in vitamin D, a child would also develop limiting behaviour such as low self esteem, fear of failure and inability to handle criticisms. Therefore thus child would spend the rest of their lives trying to compensate these deficiencies instead if living up to their full potentials. This is similar to a child walking through life with bowed legs."
So yes, raising a child requires quantity, lots and lots of time and not just quantity. When a child understands that she is loved unconditionally, then the parents have won.
Thank you so much for visiting our blog.
Awesome lessons here I should state. The letter to her folks is so touching. Extremely wonderful review. I regularly pay special mind to energy in posts and there is a ton we should all learn here.
Much the same as what @churchboy said while answering @badmusgreene, When work meddles with family time, youngsters endure. "Quality time" is a misnomer. Youngsters require amount with regards to parent contribution. The measure of time contributed is straightforwardly identified with the level of mental change.
When I was more youthful, my father was dependably there. He tunes in, guides and helped me settle on choices about what to watch and tune in to. It's less that he was guiding me however that he recognized what was going on in my life. I know he gave it a second thought, And when I messed up, he generally asked with me."
Guardians from every single financial stratum are upset. Shockingly, the reaction by a few guardians is to lose enthusiasm for their children. What we educate our kids is the establishment of what they move toward becoming.
Working guardians who make family time a need and are focused on their tyke's improvement are similarly as fit for setting up a sound bond with their kid as non-working guardians. Making a safe, solid connection with your kid requires more than a specific measure of time spent together - it requires love, sustaining, responsibility, taking care of your youngster's physical needs and building up a feeling of association with your kid.
Hello there. Thank you for visiting our blog. Plagiarism could get you flagged and you would lose your rep. Please do not copy another's content. Unless, it is the other person that copied you. I notice he posted his comment two hours before you. Thanks
Raising a child in Africa or other developing countries is a bit easier because the culture gives the parents absolute control over their children even beyond the adult age of 18.
That's a good read, I like that it's a little longer than the average short story though it took me a few days of reading as I read this in buses and it so a few rides.
What I like about that story is that it contradict the old, seemingly outdated and not cool world, the third world country with its strange rituals and lack of advanced technology with the seemingly dated and fashionable USA with its technology and advancements.
I guess that this story means to criticize the new, rootless global world and it's contempt to traditions and heritage. I agree with that notion - children that grow without contact to their parent's and ancestors traditions (it might be religious tradition, national etc...) are in the danger of becoming restless souls - wandering in the world, a virtual world in some cases, without having a strong base where they feel safe and belonged and to which they can come back in hard times I their life- traditions, especially family related, are a strong and helpful anchor point!
I want to clarify, I'm not against modernity and globalism, I just think it should come on top of the strong roots of tradition and family - children growing up with both of that qualities willbe better, whole persons when they become adults and it might just decrease depression rates and make the world a little better place. I feel this is a message the writer will agree with me about.
Thank you for that thought provoking story!
Interestingly written👍
Hatts off to you dude
awesome creativity
And yes, ** the lessons Mma learned from that old woman would remain with her for the rest of her days**
I liked the story, it was too good
Thank you. I'm humbled.
You put a lot of effort writing good stories. Here's my upvote for you as thanks for giving me a good read this afternoon :)
Thanks a real lot.
A wonderful story. Very powerful but understated at the same time. Really nicely done.
Thank you. For all the work and the part of you that you gave to us. Thank You.
Thank you.
Great story, interesting finishing line.
"the lessons Mma learned from that old woman would remain with her for the rest of her days"
Sometimes, a stubborn child needs a more stubborn grandma to give him/her a proper home training. Have learnt a lot in this story!
You got it right. Though some grandmas can spoil their children silly but I guess that is when they sense that all is well with the child. Thank you for taking the time to read.
Excellent brain food! This I have to overthink, what a great subject you bring on the table.
Thanks
great..story....really...i..fell...it...☺👏
amazing writing
Thanks a lot.
Hello @adsactly, amazing story, I enjoyed it. Keep the good works guys.
Super.....it hit my heart
Nice write up dear..keep doing it like you always do..please follow and upvote me @willyhills
This story has great lessons one has to learn in life. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for reading.
Amazing story nice to see that thanks for making such wounderful story
Awesome post thanks for the sharing. I follow you.Keep it up.
excelent vlog
I love the story very much and I love the story. I love your story too. I thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with us.
Amazing story.
Much obliged for sharing it
Well writing .Thanks a lot for sharing it
I think people think very well
and you've written a very successful story with your nice personality analysis.
I have much interest in literature. I can not write because my English is not enough.
I am delighted to watch your delightful sharing.
thanks and congratulations
sorry for my bad english
Your English is not that bad. Mine leaves a lot to be desired but I still thrive to use it to produce what I can. It helps also to have www.grammarly.com.
Thanks for the compliment. All the best.
beautiful writing,, great story,, wonderful life,, good post, thanks for sharing
Thanks a lot.
great story.i like your post
very good writing,thanks for sharing
Your story is very nice Thank you for sharing such a nice story with us
the story is good..
i like your story...
i will wait next story
thanks for sharing
I missed the Potato Dollar appearing in the short story ;)
nice story i see ...just keep it up and carry on
thanks for sharing the post..........
has a great spirit that can motivate others..
Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing.
Actually this post creates extra ordinary .. and I gain knowledge this post..And i appreciate ...Cause this post is very helpful for us to write story .
Thanks for sharing...My friend...
Thank you @nnajmull. You're appreciated.
Most welcome dear..
Nice Story.....Any you have make this correction Mma was surprised at the kind of welcome their received. I think it should be Mma was surprised at the kind of welcome they received
You're right. Thank you so much for the correction. It will be effected. You're awesome.
Thank you for sharing with steemians friends.@adsactly very and nice story!
wawww good post..
Another Correction: They arrived their hometown of Aro. It should be They arrived at their hometown of Aro.
Thanks
Nice story. It's interesting. Can you please post more of such stories?
Great post you got here m8. Useful information
Thanks for sharing
beautiful flowers, I love posting your beautiful flowers. do not forget to upvote my blog friends yes
I didn't know that you can write so well. It's very touching.
It reminds me of my own relationships with my family and few chapters of my life that I can relate in a way to your story.
I enjoyed reading it a lot, thank you so much for sharing.
Very nice flower
Thanks. I'm glad you could relate.
This was awesome. I'd like to see more of it! Keep going! ☺
What good, rather than great publication, I love how you write, I am your follower and I gave you my vote, it would be an honor for me to know that you are my follower, you know that the profits I have give them to a foundation for children of extreme poverty from a very humble neighborhood in the city of La Guaira in Venezuela, it would be an honor for me to know that at some point I can count on your support and I invite you to visit my publications that are very few but it is the beginning that you have an excellent day
Thank you for the comment. I'm following you too.
It is an honor for me that you are among my followers, that you have a wonderful day
hello
This story is awesome ..Thanks sharing this post
It's very touching and realistic and in the end, your emotions are in a mess and disorder. I love realism in writing. It strikes directly to your heart.
wow amazing.
Thanks for your complimentary comments. I'm humbled.
Nice Masterpieces, strongly felt..
I will vote to witness and upvote.. Loved the art work too!
very interesting and beatiful story. thanks post
Like and continue reading your stories.