Why do we fight with the people we love??
Rather it's family, friends or loved ones ... fighting is never something one likes to do.
Personally, I don't like conflict. I've always avoided conflict throughout my life, which turned me into a people pleaser.
It wasn't until after exiting a toxic relationship that I've decided to become, what some people would call, a bitch. (Can I even say that?!) What I mean is that,... For the rest of 2015, I became a person who loved to say 'no' as often as I could, learning my independence, learning to stand on my own two feet and breaking the habit of being a yes (wo)man.
I became less concerned with what people thought of me and more centered around what I really wanted, and who or what I choose to be, do and become. My growth game was strong!
...
Fast forward to when I've met my current partner, whom I almost instantly fell deeply in love with. His charisma drew me in, but it was his character and our commonalities that made me fall head over heels for him. He was a man of values, morals and beliefs I haven't seen before and that was something I found incredibly attractive.
We spent most of our time together, going for walks, hikes and talking about everything under the stars. Our love and compatibility was evident to our friends so much they all saw us as a 'power couple'. Even our families approved of our partners, something which was unheard of from my old school European parents.
We soon moved in together and as many couples do, we started to get to know each other more and more, on many different levels. We started making goals as a team and working towards dreams we've both wanted to accomplish. It was paradise!
So why do we still fight?? Everyone fights surely.
First of all, having a perfect relationship is a myth. It is impossible to find a person you are 100% compatible with. If that's what you're after, you might as well merry yourself and be alone for the rest of your life.
Fighting with your partner is, in my opinion healthy. I've reflected on this subject for a long time before putting it into words and my honest best conclusion is this:
I hate to be the one to tell you but if you have a friend or a partner that agrees to everything you say, they're either lying to you or have no real opinions of their own, neither of which is a good thing.
Fighting is necessary to an extent. Yes it might be an ego battle, yes it might be the independent nature of the two individuals, and for the most part it probably is. But personally i couldn't really speak honestly about the subject if I didn't bring up insecurities.
I am still dealing with issues and traumas from childhood and past toxic relationships. So for me, when i fight with the man i love its not to annoy his or because I'm bored ( sometimes ), instead its to challenge his thinking about certain things and to further his understanding of my past, my emotions and my thought process. Doing so brings us closer together and teaches us to have patience and acceptance for one another, all of which solidifies our bond further. The goals we've set for ourselves and the dreams we have for our future are too big to let a small or big misunderstanding get in the way of that. Instead, we use that time to learn the truth and grow together as individuals and as a couple.
I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to the man that loves me without limitations, even on days when I'm not easy to be loved. You make it worth while.
Thank you to all that have read my story. Hopefully you have found value in my truth.
Till next time ...
Peace and Love