You would think that having people fall in love with you while you place them in the friend zone is way sweeter than falling in love with people and having them friend zone you.
Personally, I hate how I feel when someone thinks I mean the world to her, and I can't spark up a single flame of feelings for her..
It feels like trying to light up a wet match box.
It frustrates me!
More painful it is, when the person ticks my boxes somehow, but sadly that connection just isn't there..
If you could hear the conversation in my head, you'll hear stuff like: "Cmon What's wrong with me!? I'm supposed to love this person. Why is it not lighting up. This is what you want, Harry."
I hate that feeling!
I don't really like being in that position.
One time while I was with a lady like that, I chatted up another lady friend to give me tips on how to make the lady fall out of love with me.
I kid you not!
On the other hand, finding someone who you think is totally amazing and having the connection but risking rejection has a kind of fragile pleasure..
That spark!
Those smiles I catch myself smiling after picturing down to our kids together. Someone I haven't even asked out.
All the imagination & fantasy.
Even if I get a rejection and have to swim in hurt for a few weeks.. All the while secretly hoping she changes her mind and finds out her judgement was wrong.. Which hardly happens.
Then finally getting over her.
I prefer this latter.
Because frankly, one thing I've come to discover about love is.. Its more sweeter for the giver even.
I get genuine pleasure from having someone to lavish care & attention on.
Having someone I release it all on.. Like the pregnant clouds these past few days releasing torrents of water daily.
I told someone months ago that I feel like I'm going to choke.
So much love pressing to be released.. All locked up and choked up in me. No where to throw them into.
Now I miss falling in love.
Don't ever lose your ability to love, because of hurts..
Its the pleasure you will find in your relationship.
Your own act of loving your partner will give you more pleasure than the one you receive.
Most people have this spark missing.
I doubt this makes sense.
I'm just musing. Don't mind me.