Untangled Knots 6.3 podcast out now, one of my favorite yet.

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This post is a response to @nonsowrites recent post, HIVE: RACE AND LOCATION. I suggest you read his post before reading mine, it's really relevant, not only for Hive, but for any situation with people from different countries or backgrounds.

A lot of us think we are open-minded, and in most cases I think that people are doing their best to reduce their prejudices. I won't claim that racism doesn't exist here, I just think that most people don't look down on others because of their skin color or nationality.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a strong in-group/out-group mentality, and race and nationality can be contributing factors

In-group/out-group is not the same as racism, but if our in group is based on ideas or experience that are exclusive to certain cultures, we will sometimes naturally see one race or demographic greatly outnumbering another.

Most of the in-group/out-group mentality goes completely unchecked.

Naturally, we want to be around people who understand us. I don't think this is a bad thing, but it's extremely limiting, and it makes it very hard for people who come from "outside" and want to be a part of something.

We often don't realize how exclusive our in-groups are, because we all live in cultural bubbles, we don't fully understand the worlds that others live them, and often just assume that everyone wants and needs the same things we want and need.

Some of our bubbles have more resources and clout than others and...

The bubbles with clout tend to dominate the bubbles without.

That means, in general, the in-group will accept people regardless of race and nationality, BUT ONLY if they conform to the ideals of the in-group, which tends to be dominated by a certain kind of culture. This can be much harder for people from certain places and backgrounds.

Imagine the guy from India...

...who grew up eating with his hands. Now he is at a business conference in New York. How is everyone going to feel if he starts eating with his hands there? He knows he can't. In fact, even at the business conference in Mumbai, he will probably feel he has to eat with a fork and knife.

There is a kind of imbalance in most international communities, where Euro-centric (or more often American or British) customs and morality dominates. We can't go back and change history, nobody from these places needs to feel guilty about slavery or colonization, but we do need to be aware that it's shaped the world.

The world has been conforming to the West's ways for over a century. Western culture has contributed good things to the world as well, but it creates an unlevel playing field and also robs westerners of the ability to learn much of the great things that come from other cultures. (I believe this same pattern is also where a lot of the race-based issues have been kept alive in the USA, in addition to the poking and prodding of people in power who employ divide-and-conquer tactics to manipulate us).

Thanks to people like Alan Watts, J.D. Krishnamurti, and others who traveled the world and brought back culture before it was easy, the world has been introduced to certain ideas from Buddhism and Hinduism. We now have yoga and K-pop, everywhere, yes. But international norms have mostly been set by North America and Western Europe.

When you exist between different worlds and pop in and out of them as frequently as I do, you notice that bias and unfair stereotypes or an in-group/out-group dynamic can be really really strong even when people are trying not to have prejudice, and it's mostly a matter of people being stuck in their own comfort zones.

There are all kinds of prejudices everywhere, I don't want o pick on the west. But if Pakistan or Peru were the largest superpowers in the world, we would need to keep them in check too, even if they were doing a great job. We need to keep the dominant narratives in check no matter where they are based, and give a chance to others to influence the conversation.

We tend to think diversity is just about skin color, but what about diversity of cultural narratives and experience or styles of communication. In that way, people are generally expected to conform to the ways of powerful countries. It may be for the better sometimes...if one country has a custom to punch someone in the face when they meet them for the first time, we may decide together that we probably should ask this countries people not to practice this custom in international settings. If women are treated as second class citizens in a country, we may want to ask this custom to be set aside in an international setting.

But the point is, we can be more aware of the imbalance and decide the norms together with equal footing.

People are generally not interested in things that are outside of their own life, and Africa is not really in most peoples lives. Neither is South America. Neither is Eastern or Southern Europe or the Middle East. America, England, Korea, Japan, and to some extent China (more and more), France, Germany and a few others have managed to really plant themselves in peoples minds across the world. Some others like Sweden and Saudi Arabia have enough money where they manage to have some clout.

Currently influence is mostly gained through industry, although there is definitely the echo's of ugly histories, wars, racism and manipulation. At the same time, you are also at a disadvantage when your worldview doesn't match the people around you, even if you come from a culture that has more power in the world. In any community you are at a disadvantage when your values don't match the popular values in the community.

I have found that when my values and worldview, and even my interests don't align with the people around me, it's generally very hard to have power in that group.

This happens to me often, as I am a big fan of nuance and flexibility, and many people are not.

The only solution to being on the outside (if you want to have any influence on things) is to slowly find allies within the group and through them, blend cultures and influence each other, which slowly shifts power to be more balanced.

It's funny though, I've had a much easier time blending with Africans and Asians than Americans and Europeans (A generalization of course, there are lots of Americans and Europeans I like too). It's probably because I didn't fit in well in my hometown, which was dominated by an idea that "Western ideals were liberating the world". I on the other hand, believed that everything had consciousness (the grass and even rocks), and was imagining scenarios like the Matrix or Truman Show before these movies were released (Things have changed, these ideas are much more acceptable now, thanks to these films and the internet...)

My imagination was not welcome by those around me and put me on the outside, and so I slowly started to find myself curious about other cultures who were also on the outside. For 10 years I even hated the culture I grew up in, although now I really appreciate certain aspects of it.

People everywhere tend to be more inviting of those who can share certain cultural references and values, or political leanings or spiritual beliefs. It's hard for me to connect with Americans still because my cultural references, politics and spirituality is such a crazy mix of North South East and West, underground, mainstream and everywthing in between... and so I am still on the outside.

I try to get around this by just being as awesome as I can be and taking the initiative to influence the culture in whatever ways I can, not forcefully, but through meaningful relationships. This isn't done in a scheming kind of way, it's done cause I genuinely do not like in-group/out-group mentality. I have caught myself falling into it many times since then, because it's a really easy trap to fall into.

The in-group/out-group mentality is understandable, and it's even healthy to find people who we relate to, but it's also really important to keep trying to expand our worlds. If we want to improve anything we need to work to dissolve these kinds of biases, even knowing that they are inevitable. At least we can chip away at them and improve things, even if utopia is impossible.

I've said it many times before, but perhaps not so directly. The reason I got so interested in Hive Naija is that I previously thought there were almost no people in Africa with cell phones. My own stereotype. I didn't expect Nigerians would be able to relate to me and find a common language to speak with (I'm not talking about LANGUAGE, but culture really). We did though, and it was way way way easier than I expected.

I'm not really a typical American though and I spent a few years in a country much more similar to Nigeria than America. This is why it's important to expand your world, and really get into other cultures when you have a chance to. It really does broaden your perspective and improve your ability to relate with people.

A lot of people who come from rich, powerful or influential countries don't really make the effort to see things the way another culture does, especially not a culture which they don't have a strong connection to. Since America and Europe had the most money and resources (gained through both innovation and by force), their cultural narratives have colonized the world in a way. That's not to say they are bad or that they don't have a lot to offer, but it's really one sided sometimes.

I think it's the responsibility of every person, no matter where they are from, to try and step out of their comfort zones. Even if it's within their own country. If you are a tech-bro, try hanging out with a group of truck drivers. If you volunteer with the homeless, try speaking to them as equals instead of lost souls who need your help. If you are political one sided, try spending time with the other side and keeping your mouth shut long enough to gain each others trust, then be gentle in sharing your opinions.

This is how we become true adults and it's also how we heal the world.

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