WEEK 147: They (don't) like it, but... How to get away?

Hi, Hive Learners everywhere... perhaps we hear too often about the complexity of human relationships. Maybe we've even been in one ourselves, but it's worth reflecting on why people sometimes stay in toxic relationships.

The theme of violence in relationships has been my concern for a long time. I often listen to victims who have been treated with toxic actions, some of them have relationships in the form of romantic relationships (boyfriends and girlfriends), others are domestic relationships (husband and wife), work and social relationships and others are family relationships.

From the many layers of relationships that I mentioned, toxic treatment from one party to the other as a victim sometimes lasts for a very long time. Later, when I re-examined and asked the person concerned, the reasons were very diverse.

• The victim does not realise they are in a toxic cycle.

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This is not unusual. There are so many people who don't realise they are in a toxic circle. Think about the relationship between parents and children. Because there are generational differences between the two, there are different parenting patterns. If from the parents' point of view, the parenting they do is correct, however, from a cross-generational point of view, what parents do to their children has entered the toxic category. Without realising it, children who grow up in this toxic circle will accumulate a lot of wounds and trauma. When does the victim realise? When they enter adolescence or early adulthood. So, as long as the victim stays in a toxic home, it is not because they don't want to leave, because they are not aware and don't know how to deal with it. 

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• Victims are subjected to gaslighting or playing victim

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At what point does the victim realise that they are a victim of a toxic relationship? Obviously aware! Many of them really want to get out of this relationship but unfortunately they can't. Why? Why? Because, the abuser usually plays neatly and continues to corner the victim as if everything that happens is the victim's fault. Finally, the victim can't just leave because they are overwhelmed with guilt. Dealing with this type of victim is a dilemma. On the one hand, we as listeners want to help, but, on the other hand, she continues to be entangled in the gaslighting treatment and is unable to go anywhere.

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• The victim gets serious threats

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This is what makes the victim even more afraid to go anywhere despite the toxic treatment. This is usually experienced by dating couples. In my country, this happens because the victim, who is mostly female, is already aware of being in a toxic environment, then when she wants to break up with the perpetrator, who is mostly male, she does not accept being abandoned by the victim. Finally, men will threaten with other violence such as: threats to kill, or threats to spread the syukur video they did. Although there is protection against perpetrators of violations of the ITE Law, still, women will feel helpless and choose to remain under a toxic relationship.

How? Aren't human relationships very complex and reasonable. The paradox of a relationship. That's my review of txic relationships and the reasons why victims stay in them. Thank you for reading.

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