I really hope you find ways to get out and overcome those fears. I'm right there with you about heading out to the wilds alone. I try to take baby steps and build up my courage. The animals generally want nothing to do with filthy humans but I too am sketched about other humans. Bringing a buddy is always the way to go.
I just left my all consuming job as well. One would think that I would have more time on my hands to do everything I had neglected. Turns out that freedom has been like opening Pandoras box and I'm simply overwhelmed with what has been stifled for all these years. Time has just been flying by.
I too hope the wildfires are subdued this year. We had the same experience here in the Willamette Valley of Oregon. The smoke just sat here for weeks and weeks. My other half is a wildland firefighter so I am constantly monitoring all the fire stuff throughout his work season. Everyone got slammed this year. It's just the pits.
I hope you find a good hiking buddy and get out there into the wilds. There is no freer feeling than being in nature away from the hustle and bustle of "life"
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The same exact phenomenon is happening to me too! I want to make up for lost time and i am kinda wearing myself out trying to do it all! Today was a burnout day i was just a blob and it felt so wasted, haha but even in the happier life we need breaks and i need to remember that and not push so hard every day. I made a bunch of art this week and that seems to have worn me right out! I will focus hard for hours because i am so happy to finally get to. Anyway yes you are so right about nature feeling very free! Coincidentally i went to a coffee shop today and ran into an old friend who had an opposite life schedule from me for the years of my job. We realized we can hang out now! She said she would love to take me hiking, she grew up here and is not afraid so thats why i thought to ask her! So we are going to try to do something next week! Funny how life works, right?
It's just delightful how life works when we let the callings of our souls guide us. Intention is such a sacred thing. I was so scared to leave my soul sucking career. It was one of the most heartbreaking decisions I've ever made. I had nightmares for weeks. I felt like such a failure. It was a field that I had passion for, working with people I loved but the expectations were too high and the company was crumbling around me and my all was no longer making even a drop in the bucket. Now on the other side I have this empty slate. Everything I love and have passion for is crowding around me lobbying for my time. It's overwhelming but the feeling is a different kind of stress. It really has made me look at the patterns of expectations I push on myself. So much to do and what seems like so little time. At the end of the day when I put my head on the pillow, I may be exhausted, but it is a completely different feeling than the exhaustion I felt before. Going to sleep knowing that I am spending my energies reinventing myself rather than being raped of my energy for someone else's livelihood is priceless.
Same same same! I am a social worker. I was a therapist in a school. I gave notice in December but didn't finally leave until just a couple weeks ago. The feeling is similar . I am going through the same process. I am trying meditation to help me align better .. but yes I feel more whole now attending to my own wishes for the first time really since my son was born 16 years ago. It's difficult facing my fears and self sabotage is real...but every day I have little triumphs treating myself better around those high expectations! I feel like a kid in a candy shop as far as all the things I want to do, I get overwhelmed about what to pick.