Greetings loyal followers.
A few days ago, I sent a transmission lambasting all of you for celebrating Father's Day and for having the gall to remind me of it. Rest assured, this impudence will not be forgotten.
Oh. You thought you had seen my angry side. As always, you were wrong!
As if the initial wave of rage I felt toward your people was not enough for you, some of your more foolish inhabitants have chosen to "poke the Wampa" and to continue to infuriate me.
My executive assistant Vera, who is a bundle of joy in an otherwise miserable world, has informed me that you losers are bombarding her with the most ridiculous transmissions I have ever received from your primitive and ignorant species (and that is saying a lot because many of your people are indescribably dull-witted).
This batch of utter nonsense and fallacies centers on younglings of your species.
Although it is true that I engage in farcical matrimony ceremonies as a form of entertainment, I assure you, I am very careful when it comes to the honeymoon activities.
By the way, another of your people's failures is in chewing gum production. This is simply the worst I have ever had.
Of course I am infallibly vigilant when it comes to preventing the creation of offspring. I freaking hate younglings. If you need any evidence, feel free to ask the Sand People or those little twits who ate my cookies.
The fact that I am so cautious makes these fake news stories about me even more laughable. I find them so ridiculous that I will not even address this fake news or the fake news outlets who spew such fake news and lies.
I am so much better than all of you. It is so easy for me to rise above this stupidity and simply ignore this fake news. I just don't give it any attention at all.
Except for right now...
Here are a few of the images that desperate women from your planet have sent me in a pathetic attempt to require me to provide them with the support they need and deserve in order to raise children for whom they claim I am responsible.
Just look at these kids!!!!
Do any of them resemble the most handsome, intelligent, powerful, fierce, brave, and awesome being in the universe?
Get real!
Smiles too much.
Too cute... and he is dreaming of that other baby for some reason.
Too invisible.
Too disrespectful of non-linear timelines. Those guys are wearing CLONE TROOPER armor. We got rid of that trash as soon as we became the Empire. Stupid kid!
Too weak. That baby doesn't even look scared. She's taunting him!
Too whiny.
This one is a freaking horse!
This one is a maybe...
For your own good, I strongly recommend that you stop sending these fake transmissions to me.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry
Worst bubble gum ever
Where are my cookies?!
Fake news that I ignore and it doesn't bother me in any way whatsoever.
Smiley McSmiles...shut up!
They may say I'm a dreamer...
Invisible
Timelines?
Weak sauce
Do you want some whine with that?
Mr. Ed
Ummmmm... there was that one time...
This is hysterical. I'm so glad I found your feed. So damn funny.
I like the wording here by you m'Lord as it relates to the huge news today for Hard Fork 19 day, and the linear rewards, you continue to prove your Lordship, a true Lord among babies.
I did give you full honour today in this post about Hard Fork 19 day as I did a few mths ago in another one good sir!
https://steemit.com/steemit/@barrydutton/happy-hard-fork-19-day-steemians-have-you-seen-what-your-posts-and-payouts-are-worth-today-wow-lol
Ah yes I have heard you people are obsessed with forks.
Left...Right....... Dark Side...... Rebel side.....
-- fork issues seem to run in the family my man.
@barrydutton can u explain what does this hardfork brings for curator as it has increasedthe voting power but what %ge reward will curators get now 🖖😎 #upvote
These farces are the epitome of Earthly stupidity. Except...perhaps, one. My Lord, the Earthling who created this fire pit might be worth converting to the Dark Side:
I have seen this and respect their work. They may be spared. maybe.
I was chewing snakeskin?!!!
hahahahaa, I don't know what people of your species do, here I found another one of your species, maybe you could conquer earth with him.
I like him. If he were able to use the Force he could do some real damage.
Can you blame them for trying to pass themselves off as your progeny?
Also, where can I get some of that gum? Asking for a friend.
You make a compelling argument.
When I was last on your planet they had that kind in the "family planning" section for some reason.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA WORST GUM. THAT GOT ME DEAD. LORD REINCARNATE ME.
Yes. I have no idea why it is so rubbery and flavorless.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH CMON STOP IT.
Look here @lordvader ... you are my father. Now pay me my child support haha
Prove it.
I feel the force within you... everytime you upvote my post lol
You should have just felt it twice.
That's what she said :)
hahaha funny!! loved the picture of the little Darth Vader doing the telekinetik power to his dad! wicked!
Nice post! Thanks!!!
Yes. That is his dad. Not me.
@lordvader love your post keep on posting man
I will.
another year before next presents.....!!
Yes. Maybe I will calm down by then. Maybe...
I love your posts Lord Vader but if anything Vera deserved thought spiteful transmissions
Vera only deserves the best.
You know we do it cos we luv U! Luv and kisses
Well you should.
LOL , The picture make me laugh ," I will not Be Your Father " at Condom Slogan its so funny =))
Is that what you call chewing gum on your planet?
Definitely the last one looks promising.
Perhaps he can be trained.
Riotous post loved it.
Yes I found it quite laughable that your people would send these to me.
@lordvader That is a hilarious post man I got quite a chuckle out of that. Thank you for sharing!
Of course you did. The inhabitants of your planet are hilarious.
Someone told me you were the real father of Beyonce's twins. They DO seem to run in your family.
Hopefully they will avoid kissing each other as much as the set of twins I know.
We'll keep our fingers crossed on that one, shall we?
Your anger sounds a little... forced.
Maybe you should... lighten up.
You're looking for sympathy in... alderaan places.
Sounds like you had a bad meal or something. Was your stake a little... chewy?
I remember you. You used to open for me at that club.
I've got to... 'hand' it to you.
You weren't bad. That one joke about the temperature on the inside of a taun taun being luke warm was classic.
Sir, I think you secretly giggle in your helmet when you're writing these posts. Because of your begrudging sense of humor, I've included you as one of my most unique authors on Steemit.
I think you have a typo. "Most unique" should dread "greatest, most wonderful, inspiring, powerful and awesome"
This has been updated accordingly. Greatest apologies to the dark lord.
Too funny! Im loving these articles!
Thank you. It is funny that people would send me this fake news.
I don't have a dad
Thank you for reminding me
Neither do I.
hahahhaha very very funny and i love the pics especially the "this one is a freakin horse"
Yes I found it odd that someone would sen that to me.
thanks for the post
I best post I have read today on steemit is the following post .You should read it I promise it will be motivational
https://steemit.com/gedwriting/@awriter/i-see-humans-but-no-humanity
Great work my dear I vote you
Thank you.
Great post... Realy enjoy it !
What did you see?
As you say in header "well you haven't seen anything yet!" :-D
I see what you did there. I like it. You have earned this...
Join the dark side we heve kebab! :-D
the force is strong in this one i think i will follow and upvote
thats the real content that i always followed good to read this fantastic one upvoted yo and followed and i expect you also give me pleasure
Ummmm. Ummmm. I am not normally speechless.
ohhhh thats amazing i always love your content
@lordvader always supported ur doing lord vader may the votes be with #upvote me too
nice post. upvote
Oh shit, I laughed so hard, people thought I was mad...and still laughing
Holy Hell!!...
That last picture though
hahahahaha
Hory Shit is it you dad? I knew it you went a little crazy...
Most excellent work your Sithfullness...
That is what was missing. The anger! The horse looked a little annoyed.