Dear Steemit is a weekly contest in search of the best advise on a given situation.
Another call for help this week! This time we have a troubled parent unsure of which to choose- parental presence or financial stability?
Dear Steemit,
I'm a solo parent of a wonderful child. I'm super hands-on when it comes to my child's development, as I deem it important to maximize these early years in her life. We live with my mom, and being the sole provider in the house, we are not in the best situation financially, living by the paycheck.
I was offered a high-paying job overseas, a three-year contract that would amount to ten times my current salary. Had I been childless, no questions asked, I'll accept the offer in a heartbeat. But a big part of me do not want to miss any of her milestones. I don't want her to feel abandoned,as I am the only parent she knows. I worry about my mom too as she is not getting any younger.
I honestly don't know what to do, what do yo think?
All the best,
Mr. SepAnx
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Most of us may have found ourselves in a position where we have to make tough decisions, and we seek other's counsel to help us in our decision-making. Dear Steemit aims to be a venue for this- the scenarios may be real-life experiences, or theoretical, that most people may relate to. If you have a challenging situation to share and would wish for the Steemit community's advise, feel free to message me via discord or steemit chat, username dreamiely.
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I would suggest you stay because no amount of money will buy back the previous time you would lose with your child. A child needs quality time with a loving parent rather than expensive toys or pretty clothes. I have seen many people I know resent their parents for not spending enough time with them as children even though they all came from wealthy families and had way more allowances than me. A parent's love cannot be replaced. It is priceless.
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click here!This post received a 3.8% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @dreamiely! For more information,
This is heart warming, fun, and informative. I'll join and here's my take on it: I'd say take the job but have a plan, don't stay on that job forever take 3 years and make sure to invest out of your salary so you do not have to work just to provide for your family's basic needs later on. Be disciplined and you will surely make it. Upvoted and resteemed so that more people can participate...
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Yeah, we'll see after 5 days. For the upvote, already did...
Take the job. Then process papers to take your mom and kid with you.
All the best,
luvabi
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Don't forget to upvote to qualify! :)
Dear Mr. SepAnx,
Congrats on your value to the industry you're in! I'm sorry life has presented you with a tough situation, but it seems like a good problem to have! Job offers are too few and too far between.
Unless there's information missing from your letter, I whole-heartedly recommend you bring your child with you and accept the job overseas. There's a world of new experiences that can come with experiencing a different country, and experiencing it as a child will surely be mind-opening! With your new wage (ten times your current salary!) perhaps you will be able to bring your mother along if she wants to come as well! If not, you can surely find quality childcare with such a large wage.
Unless the cost of living in this new country is commensurately high. In which case, ignore the above advice. Too often, we look at pure dollar values and forget to account for larger expense that go along with new jobs.
To sum up, yes, being with your kid is important. I recommend you stay with your kid. But kids can grow with new experiences, so, if you think the quality of life for your kid wouldn't suffer, bring them with you to the new place! Make a reasonable and thorough budget before the move, and make sure that your actual earnings will cover your actual costs. Use that information to move forward.
We're all making it up as we go along.
nice advice @improv!!!
thanks!
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You're welcome and I have! Was the winning advice from week 1 posted?
Oh yes it has been! I opted not to tag everyone this time, as I got conscious some may not appreciate it. Expect a tag though for the summary post. The winners are announced within 24hrs from summary posting :)
Here's the link:
https://steemit.com/dearsteemit/@dreamiely/dear-steemit-week-1-winners-best-responses-to-go-back-in-the-workforce-or-start-a-business
Groovalicious nutritious!
Don't take the job.
As hard as things might be financially, don't take the job.
Your child needs you. Despite the fact that even when they're older in life and will understand why you moved away, it will never overcome the feeling of abandonment your child will feel. Understanding the reason doesn't do much to change the emotion they feel in relation to it.
Your baby needs you.
I grew up dirt poor. My husband grew up dirt poor. I know a lot of people that grew up dirt poor. But being poor alone wasn't a cause for unhappiness. Parents not paying attention, being neglectful, or fighting in the home were the causes of unhappiness to us poor kids when we were growing up.
Your child will always think of those milestones you missed. It doesn't matter how well-intentioned your absence was, and it doesn't matter whether or not your child understands the reasons. There will always be holes eating away at your child, whether you see them or not. Unfortunately, children are good at hiding this kind of pain.
I didn't have a father growing up. And as a child, it only kinda sorta bothered me every once and a while. As an adult? There's a gaping black hole where my father should've been, and it hurts. A lot.
If nothing else, try to see if there's any way you can move your child overseas with you. It might be difficult, but it's better than leaving your child behind.
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I upvoted when I posted!
I grew up with my grand parents because my mom left us for better opportunities in USA. While growing up we keep our communication with our mom thru skype or phone. Our grandparents keep explaining why my mom leave us and we understand and appreciate her sacrifice while growing up. I would say take the job abroad and often communicate with your kid and let her/him feel that you're just one call away :) Good luck and I hope you all the best :)
Don't forget to upvote to qualify! :)
Done :) with resteem :P
Thank you @johndarcy1994! Helps a lot :)
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Mr. SepAnx,
Without hesitation, my advice is to stay with your child. Those years are precious and irreplaceable. I had a tough year where I was gone and working a lot. SHAKES HEAD IN REGRET
On the day you die, you will only wish you had that time back with your baby girl.
From the kid's perspective, she wants you around more than she wants a better financial situation. My dad worked a lot to get ahead and eventually achieved a large income. I have these few awesome memories of just a few days we got to do fun things together: skiing, the beach, sailing. By the time I graduated university and moved on, we didn't really know each other. I feel the loss.
As long as you have the basics: food, shelter, a safe home, she will be happier having more quality time with you. Great job, Dad!
Don't forget to upvote to qualify! :)
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I'd take my mum and daughter with me to my new job. There's nothing more important than raising a child and since the new job will provide 10 times more salary, I think that's an ideal situation to take both of them with me.
If I don't take the job, I may regret it later and I won't have enough money to support my family.
If I leave my daughter and mum behind, then I won't see my daughter growing up which will be so painful.
So the best of both worlds would be to take the job and take both my mum and my daughter with me.
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Let me tell you my story. When my mom and dad got married, they were both working and were earning good amount of money. However, when they gave birth to my elder sister, my mom quitted her job and took a full-time role as a housewife and a mother to her four children. They needed that money before because they want to provide us a better life without debts. But they knew that if my mom continued working, we might be used to "no mom and dad" life who's there to mold our character, be there when we needed them, and feel loved and appreciated. Fast forward to today, my parents raised two middle managers in different huge companies, and two high school students who are on top of their classes.
Ask yourself this question. What do you really want? Do you want to invest your time making money? Or do you want to invest your time being in the most important phase of your child's life?
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Goodluck Mr. SepAnx!@dreamiely you might agree with me on the fact that Having a unified family is priceless. You will never be able to by back the moments you will miss and the love you both share. Don't create a distant relationship between you and your daughter. Once the gap is created you might never be able to catch again. Seek for jobs you can do remotely. I was recently in a situation similar to yours in terms of choosing between my family and my career+the money. I chose my family and looked for other options for coping finanacially. one or several remote jobs is your best bet. That way you can make money, and still be close to your family.
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Please don't go, begging you to stay. You already have the greatest blessing and treasure in your lifetime. You can find and have much gold and silver in far far country, but wealth is not your child's need--you alone is what makes her/his life more complete and satisfied. The one who gave such wonderful gift is the Lord and He is also the one who knows how you gonna survive in keeping your child alive and healthy. Remember this: When God added another responsibility, He will also sustain so much provisions. Finally as the saying goes--God will not lead you to a place where is grace cannot sustain you. Ang Diyos na nagpapala sa ibang mga bansa ay siya ring Diyos na kayang magpala sa iyo sa sarili mong bayan.
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I think you should stay with your child even though you will lost your opportunity working overseas it's still fine coz you will see and you can guide your child. Money can not define the happiness of your child because what he/she needs is a love and care for a mother since you are the only one who is there for her. There are still a lot of opportunities that will come to your life, you never know if one day God will offer you a job that is really perfect for you and you can also watch your child as he/she grows. 3 years is quite long and I think you will miss a lot of chance for your child if you grab that work. Thank you for listening :)
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Life sometimes demands that we make the hard choices. Would it be possible to bring your mother and daughter along with you? You would get to be close to both of them and as your daughter grows, she will be exposed to a different culture and possibly learn a new language as well.
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So the salary is not big enough to take your mom and the kid with you? If not I would stay. There is nothing more important that the kids childhood.
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This is kinda like "Dear Abby," except everyone has a chance to advise! Ok, so here are my thoughts. As a mother of grown children and a pastor's wife who has seen a lot of other people in situations like this, I can attest to the fact that your children need you there with them. They are, in my opinion, your first priority. When I can't make difficult decisions I am so thankful I can pray to a caring, loving God who sees me as an individual. He even knows how many hairs are on my head at this very second! How personal is THAT?! My husband and I were in a situation where we needed more income or we would have to leave our ministry. I began praying about it and God gave us the idea of a business that now employs myself, my husband, our son and his wife and we are about to begin hiring employees! AND best of all, it has not taken us away from our ministry!!! Have you heard the phrase, "Necessity if the mother of invention?" It's TRUE!! My advise: Do NOT leave your children. Ask God for wisdom, realize He loves you and WANTS to do for you what you cannot do for yourself. THINK about other ways you can make money. Use your brain and ingenuity. You have more potential than you realize! PRAY, THINK, ASK friends around you for ideas. You will be surprised at what great things you can do! I believe YOU WILL NEVER REGRET BEING THERE FOR YOUR CHILDREN! I am praying for you as well. God bless!!
Yeah, it is great to see many different views from the community! I'm refraining from commenting with my personal views starting this week and would be sharing my insights on the week 2 summary instead.
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I think family, memories, and love are much more important than money. You can always make money and replace it. Can you replace missing out on milestones? Those are priceless. Love is priceless too and money can't buy love, memories, family and milestones.
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I think the most important factor is the kind of caregiver and parent your mother is. If she provides high-quality, enriching, loving care to your child, then you should consider leaving. If she doesn't, the question has been answered.
People love to tell you that time with your kids is precious, and it is. Security is also very precious. If you are working all the time and you are financially insecure, then you have created a very bad life for your child. I think that you can take the overseas job if it substantially increases your security AND you have a very good living situation for her.
For Mr SepAnx,
In life there is always 2 path that we can go to and we don't know if that path will be best. We just choose the path on what we think the best for us and hope for the best.
However, in Mr SepAnx situation, if he is earning enough to keep from their day-to-day expenses I believe he should stay with his current job and with his kid. The time with his growing kid is much more important than the salary. Pilipino is known being "madiskarte" for sure he'll find something for his daily expense.
If he earns less than what they need and if he thinks working overseas will be the best for him and his kid then go.
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Is it possiable to take your child with you overseas( if you accepted this job?)
Im not sure what this job is, but if it paying 10x's more than your current salary, then maybe you could figure out a way to be able to bring your child, and make the situation work...( maybe hire a nanny or someone to help you with her, if you can not be around all the time..) because It would be the chance of a life time for the both of you.....and who know what the future holds after the 3 years...and your mom, ( i am sure she would want you to do what would make you happy, and you could always fly her out to visit you...or hey, she could move with you and your daughter... to help you out with her..and all 3 of you moving together is a better support system anyways)
again, im not sure what your job entails, but If you are going to be making 10x's more, then you will have more opportunities available to you to make it work ( able to afford your daughter and mother better) I say go for it( for you, your daughter and your mother:)
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one of the biggest issues we face in current times is work, child, home, the family structure had been so ripped apart I see a lot if parents let outside sources raise there children due to work 1.wake up prepare child and self drop of child school or day care the childbeats processed or fast food no time to brief, or communicate with parent on daily activities tjevend results vary now my input life is a balanced make the best decision forbu and ur family let that decision let u work, be a mother and provider for you're family may you're decision also give u time to self focus, relax meditate and may you're final choice benefit u family company and self, now u will have to give and take for a short period say 2 yrs tops but unfortunately life has it's ups and dwns it's up to us to meet in the middle and create a positive balance
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Dear Mr SepAnx
As a parent myself, I completely understand the predicament you find yourself in. You are effectively stuck between a rock and a hard place!
On the one hand, you have the ability to change your financial circumstances as you would be earning around ten times your current salary! But on the other hand, this would potentially be at the expense of your family i.e. not being around to continue raising your daughter and providing support to your mum.
My personal view is that accepting a 3 year contract overseas would have massive consequences on the development of your young daughter. It is in their early years that they are at their most vulnerable. A young child needs a constant and stable family structure and as you're a single parent this would leave all parental responsibilities on your mother (hence an added burden to her). Also, 3 years would bring about massive changes in your daughter's physical and mental development, something which I can assure you you'd regret missing out on! Finally, there could also be the risk that the close bond that you share with her is irreparably broken.
I would be interested to know a little more about your current situation so as to establish whether there might be some sort of compromise deal. For instance, might there be some scope to work remotely and hence be able to spend some time working from home?
Might there be the option to take your family with you for the duration of your contract? I appreciate that uprooting is not an ideal situation, particularly when you child reaches school age. However, I can't emphasise enough how important it is to 'stick together'.
As a final note, I'll leave you with this:
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Alexander Graham Bell
You obviously have talent to have been offered this position. If it does pass you by, other opportunities lay in wait! Stay positive my friend!
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That's me screwed then! Ha ha!
As a parent that left for opportunity and had to return because i couldnt handle the hurt i heard in my girls voice every time i called. I'd say hands down parenting overrules money .
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What I need to do, I did not understand to get a prize. The prize is what I like.
Give your advise in the given situation above.
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@Dreamiely...This is a tough one!
It is isn't it? Thanks for your support :)
keep up your good work :)
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