Mental health... I painted my ceiling with blood today!

For so long i feel like i ask for help and no one takes me seriously.
For the last few weeks ive been self harming. Stabbing myself with pens, slicing with knives. The pain and the blood is a release from the screaming in my head. It has been getting progressively worse. The police tok away the only anti anxiety medicine that ever worked and ive been going down hill since.

Today i slit my wrist. I didnt just cut, i stabbed and ripped open my arm. Blood spurted everywhere, fat oozed out... I dropped the knife and stared and the puddle of blood expanding on the flloor and thought omg im going to die.
I dont want to die... I juat want help. I want someone to listen to take me seriously... To help me ibstead of giving me more problems and stress. I seem to fix everything for everyone and get shoved aside when i need help.

I am in the hospital now.
I dont want to be here.
I dont like this world and i dont much like people but i do not want to die. I just want a little help.

It took mw painting my ceiling with blood to reAlise i dont actually want to die

But why has no one helped me before now. Why does it take this to get help. The medical system is fucked.