The “dark” side of meditation

When does meditation become problematic and why can it sometimes cause more harm than good? These are the question we are going to answer today…

My story

For all my years I have been an analyzer. I overthink every aspect of my life from the best-case scenario to the worst one. When we combine this with low self – esteem we get a deadly combination. There are times when I feel the pain caused by my thoughts. I try to hide from myself, to distract myself with overwhelming work, productivity or media, but after all, it always finds a way to reach me. I cannot escape from myself

The amplifying effect

I meditate regularly. I try doing it every day and when I am in my overthinking/my thoughts are killing me phase I feel as meditation becomes my enemy. I am sitting alone with what I fear, with the ideas and emotions which terrify me, while they are constantly being projected upon my psyche over and over again to produce even more pain. My mind is signaling me for the desperate change it needs but how can someone escape from themselves? My thoughts become bigger and bigger as this amplifying effect of the peaceful meditation begins to unravel, but now everything else is quiet except me – the individual sitting there screaming in internal pain.

My hidden savior

As I sit there in silent pain – meditation tries to help me by showing my problem. I begin facing it. I begin looking into the problem without escape. I am stuck with either overcoming it or feeling endless suffering. The cure is hidden right under my nose and my enemy quickly happens to be my only friend. That annoying person who always indicates my problems, weaknesses, and struggles. It has in mind not to harm me, but to display how I have been harming myself all along. To be my guide.

Is really meditation harmful?

With everything said above meditation on its own can never be harmful. It is a tool that amplifies your thoughts, emotions, and ideas. Even if it may seem that it is scary to be with your own thoughts when you are suffering from something – the problem relies on the situation itself and not on meditation. Meditation tries to help you by showing what is currently happening in your own world. It is a self-reflection of your internal mind. It indeed causes harm by amplifying everything but it is for the good of overcoming it. The pain sometimes can get out of control but these are the times when we actually think of change where we actually are motivated to do something about our problems. Most of the time, we wait until something becomes so obvious and problematic so we can then act and fix it, and if that is so – meditation is only helping this process of growth. Even if it may seem like your biggest enemy sometimes, it actually is your best friend.

You are your best friend

My mind always plays negative tricks on me, but that on its own is a way of protecting itself. It is extreme and unnecessary most of the time but that is the mechanism it has adapted to preserve me. My mind is always trying to help me no matter what because it depends on me being alive to function. Meditation is a conversation with yourself. Yes, you can suffer from what you are but that suffering is the driving power for growth. The battle with oneself makes a great warrior. We always battle ourselves. Endlessly… in one unifying battle of pain and growth... and until next time peace and love <3