November ProgBlog #1: neverending story

^{I have no idea what this video clip was going for}

It's one of those time periods that has been happening more and more lately, where I've been feeling slightly melancholy about being another one of those failures that didn't make it and not from lack of trying.

_{I'm not giving up, I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm not going to succeed}

Sprat tried to cheer me up a little asking how far I was from being able to render out a page.

So very, very far.

I can't even render out a scene at the moment.

The usual ideas went back and forth. How about acquisitioning ready made assets? I had thought about that but given that I'm me, it would take me probably the same amount of time to make them cohesive.

^{It annoys me when people just dump assets that they've bought/downloaded into a scene with zero effort to make them cohesive so obviously I'm not going to do that}

Plus I like building things. I'm just slow, don't have enough time as is, and the time I do have set aside usually gets forcefully taken up by other things.

_{most can't be helped, my main day is on the weekend and that's when the competitions and the parties/gatherings/things usually are, I just get cranky about the ones that can be helped because people keep "forgetting" that I have set times despite being told almost every week when something inevitably comes up}

Then there's the added confusion of not knowing if my feelings are genuine or academic. Maybe on some level I do want this thing to succeed (whatever that means) and I do want other people to like it, but it also feels a lot like I'm feeling that because that's what I'm supposed to feel, because people that embark on these projects want to share their ideas with the world and want other people to like what they see, and what's the point of doing it if no one gets to see it, but I feel a lot like I don't actually care. I just want to do this thing. And if other people happen to enjoy it I think I'd be extremely flattered and subtantially terrified.

The hair is still going in pretty much exactly the same way.

I still think I'm probably doing it wrong and there has to be a much faster way but some sunk cost fallacy and a lot of time pressure has me continuing on with what I'm doing because I don't want to spend even more time finding a faster way to do it as while a faster method would save me time down the line it might not exist in which case I've lost a lot of time looking for something that doesn't exist yet.

It's done more than it was. I'm pretending it's almost halfway (it's about a quarter, but I can't tell unless I zoom out more).

Adding the two strands (mirror editing) and combing them into place is relatively quick. There's just a lot.

I've also just realised it's almost the end of the year and I'm still way behind on a lot of things, and everything just feels like it's taking time away from everything else, and there's literally nothing I can do to progress any of it.

I predict this will be the second year running where I won't draw anything aside from the silly season sketchy.

Least I have these things I guess.

This post also appears on my blog.

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