A Quest For Balance [Self poem]

Falling into the depths of emotional waters
That I once treaded carefully
Used to be waves that carried me
Now it just feels like quicksand beneath my feet

My exhausted heart is falling from my chest
And being dragged down into the darkness below
Used to come here with my head above at best
Now where I am I just don't know

Rain seems like a thing of the distant past
Though clouds hover over me and threaten to come down
They never do, and I am left alone
To pretend that I am feeling something, anything

I lost the sadness and pain that consumed me
The anger and hurt I felt has fallen out of my fingertips
Happiness got torn from my fragile grasp
And the love I had inside left me a long time ago

Even the reckless fear got stripped from my soul
The sense of focus I possessed near enough gone
What happened to the one with so much control?
The truth is, control doesn't make you strong

It has its usefulness, don't get me wrong
But I think too much of it is a mistake
An unhealthy balance can weaken when lines aren't properly drawn
It's far too easy to turn to for escape

But mistakes are meant to be learned from and corrected
Applying knowledge can leave one's life redirected
And now that I've taken some time and reflected
I've got to use willpower to figure out where my head is

I cannot let this defy all that I am
I must not let this take a way all that I've worked for
There is so much to accomplish and so little time
I am better than this feeling I must believe that and more

Been numb and heavy for too long now
My desensitized state is becoming stronger than me
It weakened me but destruction can only happen
If I choose to not care and allow

I am not going to sink into the quicksand below
Time to rise up to rough waters ahead
Where I can swim unsteadily but with enough stability
To make it to the surface again

I am more than what you believe of me
I am worth so much more than this
And I will not let you stand in my way
I won't let you stop me from doing this

Not anymore

I'm talking to you, Procrastination
And that apathetic voice screaming "what's the fucking point?"
I'm also speaking to you, Master of Manipulation!
And that part of me afraid to hurt someone other than myself

The only way to walk down a better path
Is to work on changing the present
To stand up and fight for a new future
One that is different from a mirror image of the past

Breaking free of old habits is easier said than done
But I think to try has to be better than to not try at all
Too many cover ups and lies will leave you trapped
The strength to catch pure emotion is worth the potential fall
@prettyprisca writes