What does it mean to be a light-worker? (@TribeSteemUp Bi-Weekly Question)

It is time for another answer to an amazing @TribeSteemUp question:

What does it mean to be a light-worker?

I have read the answer of @kennyskitchen before I wrote this post. It related so much to myself that I will give a similar angle like him by mirroring my own history in search of the answer.

Out Of Light Into Darkness

I grew up without my father which has effected me up until today. It didn't work out between my parents and when I got born he was living in England, while my mother lived in West-Berlin, West-Germany. I entered this world in 1980 and went through 9 years of allied occupation, living the Coca-Cola and McDonalds life. Living at the frontline of the cold war, only a few kilometers away from a wall surrounding us entirely did its part on me and everyone else there without a doubt, although I was lucky to be on on the "free" side where I was allowed to travel wherever I wanted.

I remember that we were driving regularly to West-Germany over the interstate Autobahn through East-Germany, which was closed to all East-Germans. That included two heavy border control checks to check for smuggled goods or even people, as the East-Germans were not allowed to leave the country into the West. Imagine crossing through Nazi-Germany light but with Socialism instead of Fascism. A place that kills joy with big, flat, centralized planned buildings that were ugly, scary and grey, sucking out every lifelihood out of the people. And only ONE product of each type up to the car.

I did spend much of my time in front of the Television. From young on I consumed all cartoons and kids shows available and over the years I created a large collection of VHS tapes. Any form of advertisement, indoctrination, mind-control or propaganda coming from the ~programs~ programming found a receiver in me and downloaded itself into my brain.

My music of choice was HipHop as I was relating to the anger and the street problems, growing up with a struggeling mother who paid the bills by herself. Luckily I never had to experienced true poverty and I am grateful for that. But the anger was there, all the time. Which is weird because at the time I felt like I am empathic and emotional and generally a great person. In reality I was sad, arrogant and lonely, constantly trying to get the attention of others.

School was a big torture camp for me that tried to cage my high spirit and desire for liberty. From the first grade on I had problems to integrate and the older I grew the worse it got. Switching to High School and turning a teenager greeted me by lenghtening my school trip for a year by being forced to repeat the seventh grade. I was often totally unfair simply because I could not fit it. In the 12th grade I decided to drop out but then reconsidered months later and returned to another school where repeated the 12th grade and finished school 2 years later at an age of nearly 22. I had repeating nightmares about still going to school up until a few years ago.

Later I was drafted by the German military, which was mandatory for young man leaving school. During those 9 months of service I was put under the hardest thing of my life: Doing what I was told to without any other reply but Jawohl, Herr Unteroffizier. Of course I couldn't do that and I rebeled wherever I could. I was belittled and got extra drills and finally put into prison for my last three days for smoking a joint.

In my twenties I spend a lot of time playing video games, particularly World of Warcraft. I think I must have had an entire year in-game time at the end. Escaping my reality into a different world was amazing at first but quickly created all sorts of other frustrations while I continued grinding for the next meaningless armor upgrade. I got a cool job at the biggest publisher for games and gadget related content. I lost that job after writing a frustrated blog post with ten stupid things that angered me.

Then I got into Pickup Artists after feeling loonely and frustrated with women and transformed my behaviour into calculated strategies to be more attractive to women. I never got far with that because I married the first woman it worked with but I got enough taste of it for about a year. The masquerade, the scripted routines, the pretentiousness and the underlying sexual motivation was so different to my nature that I attracted what I was looking for even though it did not allign with my core. My marriage broke up and I fell into a strong depression, without any drive whatsoever and suicidal thoughts.

Out Of Darkness Into Light

Up until here my life was moving from light into darkness. This was in early 2012, the year of my awakening. In my greatest darkness I started to open my eyes and began to read books about conspiracy theories and spirituality which lead to My Great Spiritual Journey - Astrology, Mushrooms & Ayahuasca. I was about to be entirely transformed over the next years and I moved to Costa Rica and started a wonderful family and new life. Since then I am more and more in love while the old anger within still fights to stay alive - with less and less success as I grow stronger and get more control over my thoughts and actions.

When I went to the Anarchapulco conference from @dollarvigilante this year I still had a strong battle between my true self and my angry ego. I had a huge revelation there meeting all these beautiful human beings who are like-minded and on a path to change the world together by bringing it into the light through love, financialy indepence and liberty. The magnitude of light there was undiscribable. This has given me the final realization I needed to become what I understand as a lightworker:

Healing myself from all the drama of my life and become a person who serves others and the greater good by taking responsibilty and putting knowledge into understanding and finally into action out of wisdom. Everything is connected, everything is love, the universe is a fractal reflecting our own inner self on a grand and tiny scale. Healing out of love is the way to make this the most beautiful and meaningful universe I can imagine as we are all co-creating our reality. As within, so without. As above, so below. I work constantly towards letting more light shine through me and my actions in order to bring light to the world. There is much work to do and many layers of control to be peeled off but I am consciously moving from darkness into light.

This song describes the path of the lightworker in much more beautiful words:

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Llévame con tus alas de luz
águila tráenos medicina
del viento del aire, las estrellas
del sol brillando, guía mi camino

Cura, cura, cúrame,
sana todo lo que yo llevo
agradesco por mi vida
Pachamama yo te amo
Vuela con el viento…

Llévame con tus alas de amor
Condorcito tráenos medicina
del cielo, ilumina mi interior
volando enseña mi camino

(Translation)

Carry me with your wings of light
Eagle bring us the medicine
of the wind, of the air, of the stars, of the sun
shining, you guide the way

Cure, cure, cure me
heal everything I carry
giving gratitude for my life
Mother Earth I love you

Fly with the wind, fly with the wind

carry me with your wings of love,
Condor bring us the medicine of the sky,
illuminate my interior
flying, you show me the way