Do you think it is a vain hope that one day man will find joy in noble deeds of light and mercy, rather than in the coarse pleasures he indulges in today -- gluttony, fornication, ostentation, boasting, and envious vying with his neighbor? I am certain this is not a vain hope and that the day will come soon.
It is man's unique privilege, among all other organisms.
By pursuing falsehood you will arrive at the truth!
And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking into these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!
In despair there are the most intense enjoyments, especially when one is acutely conscious of the hopelessness of one's position.
All of a sudden I became aware of a little star in one of those patches and I began looking at it intently.
That was because the little star gave me an idea: I made up my mind to kill myself that night.
I had made up my mind to kill myself already two months before and, poor as I am, I bought myself an excellent revolver and loaded it the same day.
But two months had elapsed and it was still lying in the drawer.
I was so utterly indifferent to everything that I was anxious to wait for the moment when I would not be so indifferent and then kill myself.
Why -- I don't know.