Aw Tony, you should know that writing all of that for you, helped me, as I find myself in black moments as well, particularly at times like this, when the finite and finality is staring me in the face.
I wrote a Buddha quote recently, that just keeps popping into my head. The Trouble is, We Think We Have Time. If there ever was such a thing as a Godly, or good incantation, perhaps that's it.
Howie has always said "I live with death on my shoulder." But he doesn't mean that in a dark way, he means that the knowledge of running out of time is always with him, reminding him to live in this time that he has. That every moment is a gift and not a given.
In the end, it's the people you loved and the places you saw. I don't think anything else will be on my mind as I take those last breaths I just watched my father take. And if that's the case, what is the point of dwelling on so many evil things that are not within my capability to change? And here's another thought, what if it's not truly evil? What if it's simply the balance, what if they had to be and do these things to keep that balance in a realm that, well it appears to me that this place can't survive without it. Happy, sad, joy, pain, love, fear, hate, compassion, empathy, indifference, hot, cold, and on and on it goes. Do we really think that we're meant to eradicate those things we consider to be bad? Without pain, we might chop off a limb accidentally. Without fear, we might find ourselves in a foolish situation. Now Hate and Indifference are tough for me, except to say, without them would we truly understand the beauty and depth of compassion and empathy, and love?

I understand if you are still on a journey, seeking remedy for what you feel is wrong with this world. If you feel compelled, then likely you are meant to be on that journey because there are things you need to learn from it. Howie and I did, and believe me, we suffered and struggled just as you do. It was worth it, every bit, because we had to know we did all we could.
Laughter was stolen from me for a time, but when it returned, my God, was it ever like being born anew.
So safe travels my beautiful friend, I'm always here to talk to if you want, and if you don't, that's okay too, I'll still be here if that changes :)