You post full of emotions and regret, it might be quite a hard day for you on 13th May. But what I can tell, all the mothers can feel the love of their children, it is not words but the the attention, respect reflects the love that all the mothers feel. I am pretty sure your mother knew that you love her and she must have been proud of you. When read your posts, I can see how much passion and love you have for those plants, flowers, insects and I can read between line your love to your husband, it is not possible that you mother did not experience any of it. Do not be too strict to you and do not blame yourself. I hope you will light up a candle for your mother and just think about her, tell the funny stories you have had, so for one moment she will be alive with you.

I wish you a nice weekend @englishtchrivy