My Worries Only

Some of these days Gandi showed a different attitude to me. He looked more attentive than the previous days. Similar to other people trying to approach. Either my feelings alone, or indeed true, Gandi seemed to be trying to approach me.
He's more often send me messages via mobile phones. Say things that I do not think are so important. In fact he also often throw a smile at me, when passing on campus. Because of his strange attitude, I was amazed and confused. Because he's not always nice to be nice to me.
But I can not deny, little attention from him had confiscated my mind. I think about it more often. Initially out of curiosity, but over time the taste changed. I wanted to meet him, see his smile, look at his face, and hear him say something to me.

It turned out that I did not have to wait long to get answers from curiosity, for his strange attitude. This afternoon Gandi suddenly asked me out. He took me to a famous toast cafe.
That's where I got the answer. "Lin, I want to tell you something," he said suddenly.
I still do not understand what he wants to talk about. Why is it as if someone is holding him back. Whereas in my mind there is only one desire, that is to finish today quickly. "Yeah just say that!" I said quickly.
"I want to say ... if I ..." Gandi began to stammer.
"Why are you Gan? How come that stutter ?! "I'm a little annoyed at him. "Tell me quickly! What do you want to say? "I can not wait.
"Lin, I want you to be my boyfriend," she said.
"Duar ... duar ... du ...!" Tub found fireworks. His explosion about the heart of my heart. Astonished, heard Gandi's words just now. I can not say anything. My lips seemed to be silenced, even though my heart was running.

"So, how is it? Do you want to be my boyfriend? "He asked looking into my eyes sharply.
Bright, my feelings more unfashionable. It took me a few minutes to think, and found the right answer. My heart feels unclear. Some days later, I did feel something different to him. Because of his attitude that touched my heart. But on the other hand, it seems to me all of a sudden. I'm a real dilemma.

"Lina, why are you silent? So what? "Gandi's eyes look alarmed.
I remain silent, have not given any answer. My mind is still filled with doubts. I do not think I believe what happened just now. This is too sudden. Various questions arise in my brain, is he really want me as his girlfriend. Is he really love me, or is it just a game.

"Lin, do not be silent. Answer me! "Shouted Gandi then wiggle me.
"Hell, give me some time to think," I say brushing his hand away.
"What else do you think?" Gandi looked impatient to hear my answer.
"Of course I need to think about it. This is too soon for me. You come to me in a matter of days, then say I want to be your girlfriend. Is not that a sudden thing ?! "I snapped.
"Yes I know. This must surprise you. But I really want to make you my girlfriend! "
"Give me five more minutes," I protested and went back to thinking. After thinking back, I still have not found the answer.
I'm still in a dilemma, must accept his love or refuse it. If I accept his love, my sense of doubt can not be denied. But if I refused, I was afraid I would lose all my attention from him.

"Lin ..." she called softly to my fingers.
"Ehmmt ... sorry Gan ..." I said, pulling my hand back. "I can not give an answer now. Give me time, "I said later.
"Ohh ... is that so? Well if that's what you want ... "he said looking a bit disappointed.

After the incident, my relationship with Gandi slightly stretched. He no longer sent me a short message, as he always does. His attitude also began to change. Instead of rebuking, Gandi pretended not to see me, as we passed each other. Then when I tried to scold, he turned away and went past me.
Somehow it seems, he seemed to avoid me. For a few days his attitude has always been, since that time. Where he expressed his feelings to me. Now, however, he shows a different attitude. I'm really confused. Because the thing I feared has happened.

"Lin, why are you? I pay attention from the last gloomy? "Asked Bela sitting beside me.
"I'm all right."
"Do not lie, you do not usually like this. There must be something right? "Bela looked at me worriedly, while my lips remained silent.
I want to tell you all the restlessness of my heart. Because only to him I can share my grief. Bela is my best friend. There was nothing I kept secret from him, including my closeness to Gandi. But this time, I did not have the courage to say the anxiety I'm feeling right now.

"Lin ..." she called softly to my shoulder.
"Sorry Bel, so daydreaming."
"What are you thinking about? Here the same story me, "he said.
My heart went on raging. But my lips are still stuck. "I wish I could say how I feel Bel ..." I mumble at him.
"Lin, why do you keep silent? Tell me what? Do not have something to do with Gandi? "He said later, making me gasp.
I'm confused what to answer. Because it is impossible to explain about my restlessness, because of Gandi's attitude change. I'm afraid that Bela will come to mind later. "Sorry Bel, I want to go to the toilet first!" I said quickly ran out of the classroom.
"This is not true!" I cried madly looking at my face in front of the mirror. After washing face with water. "Why Gan, you changed that fast? Is your love just this to me? "I said still staring at my own face.

already finished? "suddenly defense standing in front of me, when I was out of the bathroom." defense! why here? you ngikutin I Yes? "selidikku looked at him suspicious." emang why if ngikutin? problem? "he replied little cynical." know ahhh ... "kesalku, dismissed the body and then went through it." Hey ... wait ...! "he exclaimed ran after me." you why? honest wrote. I know there is something that are you sembunyiin from me. "" the hell is hell! already practically nothing nothing too, is still Aja ngeyel! "ketusku continue step foot down the corridor. defense still running followed me." OK! then! continue how news kedekatanmu same gandi? "I so forget, if defense has not know about gandi is expressed his love and asked me to be his girlfriend. I just remember, the last time he just know about the proximity of the two of US. after that I never again to tell the development of our relationship. including attitude gandi lately." woii ...! daydreaming again! "gertaknya" Ahh ... Yes. I same gandi Yes? ehmmt ... "i'm back play the brain." ordinary Aja! "tukasku indifferent." mean you? "" Yes that's ... "" so how? "" glek ... "suddenly something as if to stop the chat US. similarly step we participating stopped. I saw a man walk to the direction of US." deg ... deg ... deg ... "heart beats quickly. step closer, face emit beauty apparent from a smile on his lips. although not for me, but some friends he met along the way down the corridor. but I still pay attention from a distance. place where I stand, and focus looked at him. long it, I don't see the smile again. I really miss him. miss he threw a smile at me. words simple, which can be made me laugh." tap ... tap ... tap ... "he walked past me so only, no say anything. make it, it's my heart is getting sick. how could he was as if not see, while I was standing in front of him." Loh ... Lin ... it gandi right? why he did not greet? aren't your close? "asked defense confused." ehmmt ... let's it! "ketusku upset move away. I don't think if gandi will change as soon as it to me. whereas I just ask the time to think, instead of shunned by it." Lina! wait! "shouted defense interesting my hand. step we both stopped. my heart increasingly not known. it would like to excite anger is boiling up in my head." what the hell ?! "snapped full anger." Lina ... you why upset so? "" it's okay? "" surely this nothing to do the same event just now right? "I just still not answer questions defense." let's take a seat first, "she asked interesting my body sitting on one of the bench not far from the locations we stand." now tell me what? "" what can I tell me to you? you look own right, attitude gandi how ...? "I said softly hold hurt that I feel." wait, I really dont understand. isn't yesterday you say, if you again close. you said, he's attention. continue now what? let chat, negur Aja not ?! "confused defense." sorry Bell, I did not story at you ... "" why you sad so Lin? what? explain slowly to me. what actually happened between you? "said defense holding my arm look worry." so actually a week ago, Gandhi shoot me. but I confused, must be responsible what. it was all-round sudden me ...? other hand, I still feel free, whether he really love the same me, or just feeling shortly. "" keep you say what him? "" Yes, I say ask the time to think. "" let alone you think? wouldn't you like him? "" Yes emang I liked Gandhi. but I still feel free. I was afraid if he did not serious love me. how that ends him will dump me? "behind I asked to defense." was the one ... why are you thinking so anyway? untried, already thinking bad-bad, "said defense wonder." how I dont think? this happens suddenly. you know its own right? several new this week gandi approached me. while the first-first not. continue to Sunday she said love. how do I unsuspecting ?! "" ehhmmt ... of course. emang rather suspicious. but if concerns about love, we're not know. there is a fall in love at first glance. there is also a new aware of each other like, as they used together. even when the two each other far apart, "said defense." hemmt ... there is a point is also the heck, "I thought to mumble." but this time I takutin happen Bel ... gandi even away from me. even you know its own right, how his attitude? he pretended not see? how I don't doubt he ?! "tukasku then feel upset." Yes also the hell. ehmmt ... but wait! possible she was disappointed. or can be so, he accidentally do it because it would like to give you flexibility to think? "think defense." anyway ... I don't care! "" you sure you want no matter? but I can see, your eyes, said the other? "teased defense looked at my eyes." the hell is hell? do not tease ... "I said to dismiss the body." you like the same gandi? "

Hearing Bela's guess, my heart was churning. I can not deny my feelings, that love has indeed grown in my heart. The love created for Gandi. I just realized, when we were both apart from each other.
I miss her, want her presence again. Do not want him away from me, let alone for a long time. One day's stuff, I can not afford it without it. But on the other hand, my doubts arrested me to accept his love, even though I felt the same for him.
Coupled with Gandi's changes, now. Of course my worries increased. I'm afraid if his feelings for me are only temporary, and can change at any time. Then what about my heart later. I can not even imagine it.

"I do not know Lin ... you do not think weird! Just acknowledge your feelings for him. About the future how, let the time and fate determine. But at least, you're honest with yourself! "Said Bela holding my arm.
"But Bel, lately she's avoiding me ..."
"No buts! You have to talk now! Do not delay anymore! "Ordered Bela glared. This is the first time I've seen my best friend, looking so serious.



That afternoon after school, I was standing in front of the gate. I have established my beliefs. I will honestly confess my feelings to her. Ten minutes passed, the students and students came out one by one. But I still have not met the figure I'm waiting for. "Where is he? Why not come out yet? Is he any extra lesson? "I thought anxiously.
I keep looking at the circular clock on my wrist. It did not take twenty minutes, since I left the class to wait for him. "How come he is invisible? Is lest going home first? "I muttered while celingukan.
Anxiety deepened my heart. But before long, he finally showed up. I was ready to block him, and confess my feelings to him. Feeling a bit nervous, and trembling feet, I still stood waiting for him to pass in front of me.

"Tap ... tap ... tap ..." his step closer. My heart was beating faster, my feelings went wrong.
"Gandi ..." I called quietly, before he walked past me. I saw him pause, then looked at me. "There's something I want to talk to you about ..." I say a little awkwardly.
"Yeah, just say it," he said.
"Ehmmt ... about what you said the other day ... I ..." my lips as if stuck. I can not say it fluently.
"Yeah ... you why?" Gandi looked at me curiously.
"Ehmmt ... I ... I ..."
"What's Lin?"
I am more confused, how to explain about my feelings to him. My hands just keep trembling, my lips suddenly asleep, my words even become stutter.
"Lina ..." she called then, touching my arm.
"Ehmmt ... so after thinking these few days ... I ... ehmmmtt ... I ..."
"Gandi! Let's go home! "I have not had time to continue my words, suddenly appeared a girl grabbed Gandi's arm. Keeps his hands out of my arms. The girl put her arm around her arm.

What is this? Why does my heart suddenly feel so tight? "I mumble at the sight.
"What are you doing here? Come on! I've been waiting for you from before! "Said the girl looked spoiled.
"Yeah, a moment," Gandi said to her.
"Who is he? Come on! We can not stay long. Udah ditungguin my parents! "He exclaimed Gandi's hand right in front of my eyes.
"Parents?" I said quietly thinking about it, while staring hard into her eyes questioned.
"Yeah, we have to go home soon. So tell me quickly, what do you want to tell me Lin? "To hear what she said, my chest tightened. My heart was beating, my heart ached. I can not stand it anymore, seeing them both. Tears tasted in my eyelids.
"Forget it!" I yelled and ran away from them.

"What is this? Parents? Are their relationships so serious? "I muttered, running. My hope seemed to crumble. Just yesterday it was like he said love me. In less than two weeks, he had taken another woman. My steps slowed. I can not run anymore.
"Is this the answer to my hesitation? It turned out that I was afraid happened too. He does not really love me. See, not long ago I want to be his girlfriend. Ehh ... he already has another girl! "I grumbled. Unconsciously, tears trickled down my cheeks.

"Lin ..." someone called from behind.
"You?" I startled when I looked over, Gandi stood there.
"Why are you running? He said you want to talk to me? "Asked Gandi, as he stepped his foot, approached me. He closes his body, our distance is very close.
I can even look at his eyes very clearly. The pain I felt, made me unable to hold back tears. "Hicks ... hiks ... hiks ..." my sobs sounded clear.
"What is this? Are you crying? "I remained silent not responding to her question. My lips seemed to be silenced with the pain I was feeling. "Lin ... say something? Do not shut up, worry me. "
"What are you worried about? What do you care? Are not you happy ?! "
"What are you talking about Lin? Of course I'm worried about you ... "
"Do not pretend anymore! I know you are not seriously affectionate with me right ?! Just last week you said dear to me. I'm just asking for time to think! I need time to believe that my feelings are not wrong. But what?! Not long ago, you just have a girl with another. Even to meet the parents of everything ?! "My anger as more and more overflowing. I can not take it anymore.
"You misunderstand…"
"Wrong to what?"
"It's clear. The proof of these few days you silence me. Pretend not to see me. Can not talk, just say no. Everyone just turned away! "
"I have reason to do that ..." he cried holding my shoulder.
"Lepasin! Do not ngeles! You just pretend you love me? Say dear, but in fact go away. Tau-tau've got a new girl! I know now, if your love is only limited to that. So no ... "
"Srekk ..." has not finished my words, he pulled my body fell into his arms.
"Lepasin!" I yelled.
"No! I will not let you go! "She yelled back, hugging me closer.
"Shut up ... just listen to me!" He snarled up. I still firmly took off hugs, but he was even more tightly hugging my body.

I never pretend to love you. Some days, I silenced you for a reason. Do not you ask for time to think? So I intentionally do it, so that you are aware of your own feelings towards me. "
"You mean?"
"I know, it's not easy for you to accept me. Because all is suddenly felt. So it is with me, who just realized how I feel about you lately. That's why I'm expressing my feelings. Instead of a direct answer, you're just asking for time to think first, "he explained.
I let go of his arms, staring at him in surprise. He also looked at me full of seriousness. I could see from his sharp eyes.
"But I realize this is not easy for you. Maybe you even doubt me. Hearing your words at that moment, makes me understand if you need time. I try to understand your feelings. That's why I stay away from you, even though it's really hard for me. Especially seeing you with other guys, makes me growled. I think by avoiding you will make you aware, "he explained.
"Conscious?" I was confused.
"Be aware of your own feelings."
"You mean?"
"Yeah, I want you to realize how you feel about me!" He said, making my heart beat great. I'm still looking at her face. "I think that's the only way," he continued.

"Then the girl?"
"About the girl. You do not have to be angry, or misunderstand him. She's my cousin, who lives in my house for her studies here. Incidentally today his parents from the village, came to visit him. So we have to hurry home. "
"Ohh ..."
"But because you ran away, before saying something to me. I'm so worried, so immediately chase you up here. "
"Sorry I do not know. Sorry also already misunderstood you ... "I said softly because of embarrassment.
"Yeah, nothing. Oh yes, so what do we want to say to me? "Gandi said.
"Ehmmt ... sorry ... for keeping you waiting. I honestly love you too. But I doubt if you really love me, or not. I'm afraid if you feel for me, just for a moment, and can disappear anytime. I need some time to think about it. "
"Then?"
"The more I think about it, the more nervous I am. I keep on missing you. I'm even afraid of losing you ... "
"Calm down ... I will not leave you. I love you, just you, and only you. So do not think about anything else, "Gandi babble reassured me, holding my arm and staring into my eyes.

It was all just my own worries. I'm too afraid to admit the truth of his love. I'm also afraid of what's happening in the future, even though that's not necessarily the case.