My brother's baby.

I will never forget or look at Facebook the same way as I did before the day I got the message.
I had been taking a break from Facebook and my phone because when I was in my previous relationship I was not allowed to use my phone.

The Day before Easter was a day burned into my memory and soul. I received a message from a friend that is a mutual friend of my brother's on Facebook but in reality is also a friend from real life.
She told me she just heard what happened to Mindee (my brother's girlfriend) and asked how he was doing.
I wished I knew and wanted to run to his house after asking her what she was talking about and reading on Facebook the news.

Mindee; someone we had known over 20 years that my brother ran into again in a store and redeveloped a friendship and connection with that grew into a love I had begun to think didn't exist anymore had been shot by her ex boyfriend.
He had learned of their relationship through Facebook and had started stalking her. Waiting for her to be alone. He was also sending her threatening messages.
She hadn't mentioned it to us though because she knew that my brother is fiercely protective of those he loves.

I should be using past tense terms, but it is still too hard.
He was my very first friend. Very first best friend. The one that sparked my love of learning. The reason I love outer space. My protector and so much more.
We worked side by side delivering pizza for many years.
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He walked me down the aisle in Vegas when I married the dad to my boys, even though the marriage only lasted 3 months.

One night after work I got home and my porch light, which I had always left on, was off. I worked until about 2am and after work I picked up groceries so it was rather late when I got home. The boys was visiting their dad for the weekend.
I figured it had burned out so I grabbed a light bulb to change it and found the light bulb was just unscrewed.
If you have seen the movie "The Strangers" it would make sense why this freaked me out.
I called my brother, because with our work schedule how it was he would be awake and sometimes call me randomly at 3 am and tell me "it's 3am in the morning" giggle his unique giggle and hang up.
The next day he came to my house with locks and made sure my house was secure for me.
But my ADHD has me going into our bond rather than continuing what I started to write about, which is why I do not celebrate Easter.

The love these two had is the reason I had a newfound belief in it.
My brother and I had a falling out while working together at Pizza Hut. Which did make work more awkward but we were adults about it and did the job. I became a trainer so I wasn't out so late delivering pizza because the previous trainer hadn't mentioned cleaning as part of the job so new people would just wait by the oven for orders.
They began calling me the hall monitor, even made me a name tag with that on it that I still have somewhere. The actual name tag I wore said Team Trainer.
I became the one they sent to fix problems and had built a rapport with so many customers it became easier.
I often tried to fix our disagreement because I missed my brother. He didn't want to let it go. He wanted to stay angry with me.
We were raised to not own up to our own part of causing problems. It is hard that it took losing my brother forever to realize that.
Mindee had us talking again. This time instead of working together for someone else though I began working for him. He purchased pallets of new items I would sell online for him on Facebook and other sites.
I am a sales person. So I was doing amazing with it. He offered to pay me per hour on top of the 20% of sales. I reluctantly took it the first time, then told him I don't want the money I just want time with my brother. So I stopped accepting his money. We started spending more time together.
At the time the girls dad was here because I had tried to get him to do therapy and thought he would if he was here. I had allowed him back before starting to talk to my brother again when I had given up completely on love. He became upset that I stopped taking money from my brother because I was spending time at his house organizing and taking pictures. One time a sketchy person wanted to come buy a TV and was being weird about it so I went to my brother's with my gun and tazer to make sure things were okay. Looking back, I wonder if it was Mindee's ex.
I went to his house and nobody showed up so we did more work on inventory.
I was spending quite a bit of time there getting pictures, organizing, finding the things online for comparable prices.
Then at home I needed to be on my phone to get messages from people wanting to buy stuff, meeting people places, doing the listings.
I was doing great with it. Sadly it meant my phone constantly went off with messages and I needed to check it.
Although I had a tracker on my phone and even took a picture to prove to my ex I was there even though I felt sick not long before he still complained. So the one day I was supposed to go to my brother's house for a couple of hours and he blew up at me, becoming mean and knowing how to get into my emotions. Telling me that I only went there to get away from the kids. He knows they are my heart. So I stayed home. Said fine I will go tomorrow.
Tomorrow came and same thing. So my brother became upset with me since I was also not allowed to use my electronics to list stuff or answer people.
We stopped talking again and I wish I hadn't. I badly just wish I had stood up for myself and went. Just took the kids with me. But all we can do is learn from the past, we can't change it.

This is the picture we took and I am very happy that we did. At the time it was frustrating because he would check my phone, could see my location.... I was on lock down.
Anyway Mindee and I would talk often and I wish I had paid more attention to what she said. She told me she kept having a weird dream that she was murdered. I told her that is scary and my culture believes Dreams can mean things. So I made her a dream catcher. We went to the store and chose the stuff. I put in things that mean something to her. Explained to put it in the window so the good dreams go through to the heaven and become reality.

Well.... I will post more about this but I lost Mindee the day before Easter and My Brother on Easter.so I do not celebrate it....

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