Introducing myself, Recognizing Stress and a New Start

My name is Mark, I'm from Michigan. I'm the father of ten children and now have three grand children. I have a lovely wife that I try to spend as much time with as possible. We have three dogs, two boxers Windy and Choncho. And then there is Stella our English bulldog. Needless to say there is never a dull moment in our home. At our house if it's quiet you start to wonder what's wrong. When no one is home (a very rare thing) it feels lonely.

A Little back ground

Our family, the wife and I along with all of our children. Lived in town for many years in a very small house. We had lots of struggles, low paying jobs and too many bills. Our house was way to small for our growing family. So with all our ten children in mind, we purchased an old one room school house that had been converted into a church in the 1940's. Then later someone converted it to a home. We purchased the place after it had gone into foreclosure back in 2010. The kids, my brother in-law, other family members and I worked on that place every chance we got. Trying to get it good enough to live in. Even though we were having big problems financially, we pushed on.

We ended up entering into bankruptcy shortly there after. I don't know how we did it but we came out of the bankruptcy house still intact. That was in 2013 and we still aren't done making this place our home. It's been a shoe string budget project the whole time. When we have money we put it into our home. When we don't have cash, most of the time. We are content knowing we've got a place we call home.

A source of real stress

I realized a few months ago after I had gone to bed that I had a problem. A very big problem that had been and continues to effect my well being. This is how it went. The work phone sitting on my night stand next to my head started ringing. Now I had been lying there for about a half hour. I had just started to doz off when this happened. My heart started to pound. I thought it was going to pound out of my chest. I instantly realized that I didn't even know what was going on at work. But for some reason, I went into fight or flight. It was so bad I couldn't even answer the phone. I waited for them to leave a message. Then an email came in, then a text message. Then the phone started ringing again. I new something horrible was happening at the shop. Come to find out it was an issue with a shipping door. Nothing that would effect production. I was freaking out over nothing. This is what I go through every time that work phone rings. I feel like it's killing me. My body doesn't know the difference between the phone ringing and a car crash.

I work full time in a factory, currently in a high stress managerial position. I manage two departments that serve critical roles to keep the facility operating. I'm on call 24/7 I am required to carry a company supplied cell phone. I'm admittedly compensated pretty well for all of this. And I am not complaining, I do love my job and the people I work with. But I'm not happy. I'm so unhappy I've asked to step down from the position. I'm not sure what will happen now. I'm fearful I've put my families well being at risk. But I can't handle this anymore. In my job failure is not an option. If one thing goes wrong you end up with sixty to eighty employees standing around with nothing to do. Eventually they have to be sent home without pay. I think about their families and their bills. I know how it is to live check to check. Or what happens when the alternator goes out on the one vehicle you have and there is no one to give you a ride to work. For some people that three or four hours may mean they wont be back. Or they might point out and get fired. I don't know why but I feel directly responsible for this sort of thing.

Then there's the customers whom we build our products for. If the plant goes down we suddenly aren't producing those products. We aren't able to meet the due dates. I start to worry about if the customer will pull the work out of our facility. Or if they will not let us quote new work due to past performance failures. Then I've got upper management coming down on me until it's fixed. Thankfully they are always understanding of the situation. And these things are a rare occurrence. But the longer things are down the larger the issue becomes. It can be very costly. It is crushing stress knowing that because there was a failure on a piece of equipment peoples paychecks are effected. We wont get a good bonus, or raises might be effected. Even though it is not directly my fault I always feel that it is somehow. Even as I write this I know I'm not responsible for a lot of the problems and the eventual chain reaction of mechanical failures at work. But when that phone rings I feel like I've been tossed against a brick wall.

My Garden

My mother told me over and over while growing up. “Find what you love to do. And figure out a way to make a living at it.” I'm still working on the how to make a living at it part. But at least I have direction.

I am two things. I am a problem solver first and foremost. If there is a problem I can usually find a solution. If I don't have a solution, I know how to find one. Secondly, I am a gardener. I love growing things. I love spending time in the garden. When winter comes, I am so sad. I pine for the spring when I can get back out there and get my hands dirty. I enjoy learning new ways to use what I've grown in the garden. I believe it's important to grow things naturally without chemicals. I believe in building good soil and working with nature. To do so is paramount to good vegetables, good herb and good health.

A new start

I want to continue to learn about growing the best food and medicinal plants. I want to share with others what I've learned over the years about growing a garden, how to relieve stress and how to become healthier. I want continue to learn and share as I go with anyone that wants to learn and grow too.

I have a somewhat neglected website that I'm working to re-establish and keep updated. Along with my efforts here. I hope to eventually find my way to independent income. A way to work on projects that are meaningful not just to me but to potentially everyone who comes across them. I'm not looking to get rich, I'm just looking for a little less stress. New friends to network with and hopefully a new career. I look forward to meeting new people and learning how this all works. I believe I have something to offer this community and will do my best to be beneficial to all of you. If you made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope to learn more about all of you too!

@stanmr