A very Late Happy Birthday Smartass

To the oblivious @drivingindevon

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Hey smartass,

Well, this is a long due letter that I’ve been delaying to write for months now, but in the spiral of my own scattered sanity, it’s hard to find anything meaningful to write down. What more can I say, when you are more or less aware of most of the things that I am going through. Sadly, most but not all. :’)

However, a promise is a promise and like I stated in the past, no matter what happens, each year you will always get a birthday letter from this lazy, selfish friend of yours. Even if it ended up taking three long months to deliver.

Well, that time of the year has finally come to haunt us, well mostly me as the dreadful fog slowly decides to cover up the night sky, the bone chilling wrinkles along with cold feet that only add fuel to the never ending sleepless nights. And with that, it was dreadfully drawn to me how fast this year has slipped out of my fingers, like a mocking sand, gone without a moments notice.

It only seems like yesterday, the three of us laughing our ass off in that bone-chilling balcony, not caring a bit, smoking the nights away with the silly jokes and games (that I invented). Sitting there I couldn’t help but think, maybe this would be the last time, us being a part of that years long tradition, built by two naïve but bold teenagers. But it wasn’t.

If I am being honest, I really don’t know what I should do with the future. That life long dream of getting that golden freedom doesn’t seem that appealing anymore. Who knew, at the end of the road, when it was finally time to gear the hidden desire in full action, I would turn into a complete burn out. Do you remember that promise my stupid twenty-two years old self made? That turning twenty-five one? Well, I guess for not keeping that promise has finally come back to haunt me and now I don’t have any fucking way to get out of this curse.

If I am being brutally honest, it was never in the plan to live that long, but now that I have, I couldn’t find any road to follow, no destination to chase towards, no wish to be granted. I’ve never felt this lost in my life and sometimes in foggy and cold nights like this, the thought always ends up boiling to the surface in the hope to suffocate me. And I would be lying if I said I don’t feel scared. This is the battle I never wished to fight, but in the end here I am.

But you, you are someone who is bound to shine man, and I wish I could make you see how talented and worthy you are to this world. I am still hoping to live off of that massive wealth of yours in the future. So, be the genius that you already are and fulfill that dream of mine you lazy ass.

Anyway enough with the snappy emotional talks. Happy late birthday smartass, I don’t know where we will be next year, but as promised a letter will always find its way to you, even if it ends up taking three long months. :’)

– Dim