I understand completely... In work I always had to be social and outgoing, but I no longer have to be that and I choose not to. I could go out and be more social but I have no desire to do so. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it's just the choice I prefer now in my life. The time may come that open back up, but you've had a rough time as of late. I get it completely!
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The compulsion to act like everything is okay is something my extended family member always hammers on. They probably think it's that easy, but I think with the kind of losses and ills I've gone through, some of them might have gone crazy, but who knows, maybe they will have the strength to cope..
Unfortunately it's always hard for me to just pretend it's all good, when sometimes you know it isn't.
How has it been for you?