Crack your Ribs Here

in Comedy Open Mic2 years ago (edited)

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People who drink are the most careful people you, if they want to cross the road they will look right, left and right again to make sure there isn't a car coming then they will look up too for airplanes passing before walking zig zag on the road to avoid bullets. Cheers to Drinkers Association.
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When I was doing my normal exercise very early in the morning around 4am, I was passing a police station and I saw their gates properly locked; Wow even the Police are locking their gates for security reasons Nice one.
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You bought 20 thousand Naira (50$) Bathing towel and you dont take your Bath, Isn't your problem spiritual..?😂😂
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Affordable Toyota Camry for 100$ but it's doesn't Reverse, whenever you want to reverse you will look for a near by roundabout and reverse.
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The office which is supposed to be A Power Supply station is now having an electricity generator that uses fuel so when power goes out they can start the generator... This is serious the story isn't clear
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You came to my house and saw me sick and you said sickness looks good on me really..?. what method do you want me to use and chase you out of my house, hot water method or cutlass method
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You made withdrawals from the A.T.M machine and you stood their counting the money, Receive Your deliverance from trust issues now!!
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She used 50 dollar to prepare a pot of soup and you're still shouting She's a wife material, she's a wife material, I will marry her. Hmmm My dear brother Rest In Peace, may the Lord accept your soul as a pleasing sacrifice.
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That awkward moment you are in the middle of a gathering and everywhere is a kind of quiet, now that's the moment you got pressed and needed to break the wind and you wanted doing it gently in a state of calmness and your butt blew everything up like the trumpet sound. Now tell me how you will address the congregation with all the eyes on you.
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You claimed to be independent, you came back home and suddenly got angry that your siblings finished the food in the pot. Weldon Independent Man...
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Everytime we want to take pictures, you will always be the one that wants to hold the camera to snap us because you prefer snapping others and don't want your own self in the picture. Tell us the truth is it that you prefer snapping people or you're afraid of your face spoiling people's picture.

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That person that said he will stand by me have finally sat down oh, according to him He is tired.
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That same job you did for over 2years and didn't buy anything for yourself, you're now motivating me to keep my head up and work hard in that same place. I am Sorry I cannot keep my head up because I have neck problem.
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Customer: Waiter why did you bring me two life Dogs sucked with hot water?
Waiter: Sir, these are the 2 Hot Dog you requested for. I put them in hot water so they will be hot..
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You want to commit suicide and you're checking the road before crossing to go and buy ropes, Stop deceiving yourself.
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The proverb "Two heads are better than one" please it's not referring to empty heads Please... Thank you

My kind advice, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart that if your friend is making it in life and you're vexing you're a big Witch..

Yeah I can see some people with frown faces till now, I am very sure it's not because my write-ups ain't funny, comedy doesn't cure financial problem go and find the cure to your problem...
Just help me shut the door on your way out

All gifs in my post are powered by tenor

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Hey, @ovey10. The post is lovely although you may want to run it through Grammarly as some parts were confusing.

Also, you may want to avoid laughing at and complementing your own jokes in future posts.

Finally, please refrain from using our photos. Also, make sure you ask before using anyone's photos without getting their permission to use them. Make sure to remove the photo before replying.

Firstly, I am sorry I didn't know it's prohibited to use the communitys photo, I thought I could source it and there won't be problem. I get the point and won't repeat that..

Also, make sure you ask before using anyone's photos without getting their permission to use them.

The only photo I used was the comedyopenmic community's photo and all other ones are gifs from tenor here on Hive, I don't know if the community doesn't allow the use of gif, if they really don't I can get rid of them too..

We use the COM gif for the showcase and the picture you used for the newsletter. We actually paid to get those made and would like them to be associated with that exclusively.

As for the Tenor GIFs, you have done everything right there, so don't worry.

Please don't take this or the main comment as a point of discouragement.

Thank you so much
I really hate breaking rules, with time I will understand perfectly what the community is against and I will by all means refrain from them

Please don't take this or the main comment as a point of discouragement.

I am motivated rather 😌😌💙

I actually count my money at the ATM 😂😂😂😂...it is just reflex action...it is not like if it is incomplete a miracle will happen...

The day I went to pay Nepa bill and i saw that they had generator on..I almost died😂😂....Up Nepa is just the easiest way to identify as a Nigerian

Lolss... Counting money after withdrawal from the ATM is one big character of allot of people
Well for the sake of this comedy lets leave it has the character of people having trust issues😅😅

😂😂😂😂..big trust issues..I must admit

Nice one mate.. You need to work on a few things. Your post-construction; you should try to center your gifs and also read through your post before publishing them because most of the jokes are quite hard to understand.

Thank you so much brotherly..
Please I have tried to correct them, you can help me check please 🙌🙏