Nothing is Funny

gif from tenor

I know this community is all about fun and funny stuff but bear with me.

It's hard to come up with comedy posts as a Nigerian these days because nothing is funny in our country. Inflation is biting so hard and if you're like me and use public transport daily, then body odour bites even harder.

So that's why we create fun out of everything, even the fact that our president recently traveled to France for a "work stay visit" (whatever that means), a country where the government's private jets were recently seized by a Chinese firm. Only to return to the country in a new private jet worth millions of dollars. Talk about how to show your citizens how to broke your country is that you can't even pay meaningful salaries.

And also recently, our beloved 'mommy of Lagos' was released from prison looking as dapper as ever. For those that don't know them. Their name is Bobrisky and they're a female who just happens to shave their face regularly and have a stick between their thighs, but also wear bra and makeup.

I was actually confused by bobrisky's conviction though. The justice system really got me confused, because bobrisky sprayed money as a woman, got arrested as a woman, got registered and convicted as a man but then was released as a woman again.

I would actually like to know where he was detained. Because if you arrested a woman, documented/registered a man, but then released a woman, you have to tell us where you kept him, with the men or women?

Over here we don't even do the whole lgbtq thing because we already have our bleached out ladies with cream-colored face, brown knuckles, chocolate elbows, black heels, green veins, purple nails, red lips and blue eye shadows and that's enough colours for us. I guess that's why the rainbow rarely comes out these days over here.

I would like to talk more about the whole lgbtq thing, but since there are many Americans on the platform, I don't wanna sound rude and disrespectful to their culture, so I'll pass on to other things.

It's just like when they claim to be the mother of democracy, you don't want to compete that with them. And now they've started a new political system, "the integrated relay system".

The amazing part of this relay system is the fact that it's a crossbreed thing, it's not just humans passing batons to humans. This one involves artificial intelligence. The first exhibition was recently, where a robot passed the baton to a black woman who's not really black. Well, yeah, she's kind of black, like 50 percent black and 50 percent Indian.

So that means that if she wins, then for the first time in their history, America would've produced a president who isn't really American, not even black American, but rather, a black Indian. I can imagine the skeletons of the original owners of the land doing the nene in their graves; they would've finally gotten their props. An Indian would finally be president on their land.

By the way, if you doubt that it's a robot that passed the baton to the Indian woman, just go and watch the first presidential debate and tell me if that wasn't a malfunctioning robot trying so hard to argue with the dude from the Simpsons.

On the other side of the divide is a popular billionaire comedian who's tired of just being rich and feels insecure about the influx of potential millionaires into his country and just wants to keep the status quo.

His campaign chairman is a billionaire social media addict who uses his self developed ai that sounds like a comic character off a failed marvel movie to write his campaign speeches. Campaigns that usually hold on his personally owned social media platform which he calls the same name the white house calls his principal 'my e(X)'.

So imagine an American presidential race where a robot ran against a comedian for occupation of the white house. Now stop imagining because it's already happened.

One thing this election has done is that it's really opened our eyes to the fact that true power isn't in the tongue, but rather it's in the thumb. It's the thumbing that has led Elon to pioneer the campaign on social media, and it was also the thumb that turned the Simpsons guy to a nigga with his fist raised in defiance at his own campaign ground.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. I hope I can find laughter soon, but till then, goodbye!