A little bit about me

This is my story.

I am a lover of letters and heartbreaking poetry. But I can't be free to write, because I live in a toxic relationship and I am not allowed to write those things that my heart and soul screams.

My only means of draining negative emotions is by writing them down and making them into fantasy and emotionally charged stories, but for so many years now, I have had to pretend that everything is fine and hide among other things, but I can't do it anymore. I need to cry, to write, to unburden myself.

No one can understand what I have to go through, sometimes I can't even understand it myself, the reasons why we let ourselves be dominated by people or get tied down by things that really shouldn't be.

But it's not easy for someone like me, emotionally dependent.

I have run away a thousand times, but life has brought me back a thousand more and every time I go back, every part of me dies.

Right now I am a zombie, not because I have no feelings, because I am overflowing with them, it is because my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit, are somewhere else, with someone else, with my soul mate.

My body is the only one that is here and my eyes are crying all the time, I can only hear my sobs and the voice of my soul mate reclaiming my body. This body that is withering into oblivion. Let me write for the rest of my days, at least I want to have that freedom.

I will write trying to regain control of my heart, as I open it through my letters, you will have every part of me, maybe someone will identify with me. I'm imprisoned in a glass cage. Thirsty for love and caresses from my beloved, for his good treatment and his joy, I live in a sad agony.

I will be safe in this little corner, where my letters will be the ones to raise my voice, because I have lost the battle, I am just a body wandering around the house, with sadness on my back, with thousands of memories fluttering in my head, while my saliva becomes thick and difficult to swallow.

No one understands the sacrifice, a high personal price I paid and I am sure they will pay me badly, I already lived it once, but at least my conscience will be at peace because I think I did the right thing for others, in silence I listen shocked at the amount of lies that come out of the mouths of those I call family, I can not believe they have the nerve to tell lies in my presence. However, I did not come for them, but a greater reason, to rescue those who I think are weaker than me, but in the process I am weakening, I am losing myself, I distract myself by remembering in the love I once felt and believed to be true, that gave me strength to go out and fight for the first time for my happiness and freedom.

I didn't realize that in the course of this story I was getting old, this depressing body little reacts anymore, walking is difficult, I feel weak in every aspect, now I walk slowly, talking to the wind, I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

My life became empty, getting up is an obligation day by day because of my responsibilities, but if it were not so, I would let me finish crushed by this chronic depression, let these bones finish dying, cremate me and throw my ashes in other lands, where I lived the most beautiful love story, please do not forget, take the ashes of those who accompany me in death with me.

Meanwhile, I survive, he waits for me, my soul cries out: Rescue me! But my body has lost its voice and its will.