The Ladies of Hive have a question of the week each week for the last 173 weeks. That sentence is mind-boggling; they should be given a prize just for that!

Each week, I read the question, and most weeks, the questions are too personal for me to want to write about or a question I do not find myself with enough to write about on the subject. I still want to see what the questions are each week, though. You never know when you will find the perfect question to spark your fingers into typing for 4 hours.

Two days ago, I read the two questions for this week. The first question, while significant, didn't spark enough in me to write about. The second question did, but the timing in my life this week had my brain telling me I didn't have time to write anything. Which is very accurate. My Mothers's surgery is on Tuesday, and this whole week will be filled with taking care of her.

Yet I found myself going back to The Ladies of Hives post and rereading the second question more than once. It is 1:00 am. Let's see where my fingers take me.

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The first part of the question is a statement:

"Nowadays, premarital sex is rampant among young people."

I read this and felt old, and then I started laughing. I then started listing in my head why this statement was so wrong. No disrespect intended. It is just that the person writing this is very young or needs to talk to more women.

In the early 1890s, the Sisters of Saint Vincent started opening homes for unwed mothers to stay and get care until they had their children. There is a great post that goes very in-depth about the history of these homes found here: Homes for Unwed and Troubled Women 1869 – 1950.

On a more personal note, my brother, who is three years older than me, and I were both adopted. My brother's biological Mother could not care for him and gave him up for adoption. In 1961, it is safe to assume he was put up for adoption because his biological Mother wasn't married. In the 1960s, women did not have a way to earn a living while caring for a baby. I'm not saying women didn't try and succeed, but unless you came from a lot of money and your family would help out, your chances of survival were slim.

When I was about fifteen and a Freshman in high school, one of my best friends became pregnant from the school janitor. She dropped out of school and married a man twenty years older than her. She has led an interesting life after that.

When I was seventeen, another good friend of mine got pregnant. Neither her family nor the baby's father was willing to help her. I drove her to the hospital when the time came to deliver her firstborn. He was a handsome boy. She had to give him up for adoption. She had no way to support her firstborn. At seventeen, she made the best decision she could live with.

Premarital sex is nothing new. Women who found themselves pregnant and alone were just not talked about by society or the mothers who had to give up their children for adoption.

I do not think young women know how good they have it nowadays. They can openly talk about being pregnant or have the means to get a job and raise a baby on their own if they have to.

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The second part of the question:

"What if you got pregnant and encountered rude in-laws with a partner who is incapable of standing by himself or standing up for you?"

In theory, this question is sound. I find a few things troubling for the women in question. I'm old-ish, so to me, the use of the term partner means the pregnant woman is not married. With that in mind, her partner's parents are not her in-laws. They are your child's Grandparents. Until you have a piece of paper telling God and Country that you are married to your partner, your child's Grandparents have no reason to be nice to you.

Your child's Grandparents see their son, depending on everyone's age, messing up his life.

In my case, when I became pregnant and didn't want to marry the father of my child, the Grandparents saw me as being irresponsible. To them, even if I did not love their son enough to marry him and make everyone's life miserable forever, they were raised that if women got pregnant, they should marry for the good of their grandchild. They believed every child deserved a mother and father who lived in the same house.

My son's Grandmother had every right to feel that way. I didn't blame her. I didn't blame her for never coming to my baby shower. I never blamed her for never talking about me being pregnant after she realized I wasn't going to marry her son.

That did not stop me from reassuring her that I would take good care of her grandbaby when they were born.

While alive, she was the best Grandma anyone could want. She spoilt my son so rotten it made you cry. The love she had for him showed in her eyes from miles away. She was also the best babysitter my son ever had!! She would leave me a note with everything, and I mean everything that happened while I was gone. I miss her to this day, but I am so thankful my son got to know her as long as he did.

But she had every right to her opinion of me while I carried her grandchild and proved to her I was a good mother and would make sure her grandchild had the best childhood anyone could ask for.

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The last part of the question:

"Would you rather endure their maltreatment, or walk out on your relationship and raise your child alone? Why?"

maltreatment

mal·treat·ment
/malˈtrētmənt/
noun
cruel or violent treatment of a person or animal; mistreatment.

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Being rude is not maltreatment.

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If you can 'walk out' of a relationship and raise your child alone that easily, then you were never committed to begin with.

You had an Oopsie.

Your Oopsie will cause you to grow up really fast. You will no longer be the child but the Mother to a child. A child that did not ask to be born. A child that you will love like nothing else you will ever know. A child that will make you a walking Zombie for the next two years or more. A child that will brighten your day just by blowing bubbles in its mouth. A child you will know better than any one person in this world. One that you will find yourself watching sleep because they are an angel when they are not crying. A child that will cry, and you will have no freaking idea why.

Whether you stay with your partner or not, you are that child's Mother.

You do not get to walk away. Everyone else can. You can not. It will be the most challenging job you ever have, and it will be the most rewarding job you ever have. You will never retire from being a mom. You will spend the rest of your life loving and worrying over your child.

The best part is that you will never regret one day of being a mom, no matter how hard or easy it is.

All that matters now is to be the best mom you can be to your child.

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