He Told Me to Be Selfish

Now before you think that this is a post about self-love, it is not. This is a post about guilt, about choosing where one's focus lies and how your focus can change your life. This post is why my boyfriend has been sad the past few days. I didn't want to post this on my normal social media, and I used to write my thoughts on Steemit many moons ago- perhaps, it was about time to migrate my way over to HIVE, to tell my story. Well, I'm not here to tell my life story today either. That will be some other time.

I'm here to hash out my thoughts and talk about crypto.

It all started a week ago. Wafting through Facebook, someone had posted on how insane it was that BTC is worth over 60k. I had been out of crypto entirely since the 2017 bullmarket, and have been living a normal life again. Picked my classes back up, and got a day job. My school counselor wanted me to double up on my already accelerated courses, and my GM decided that he wanted me in a management role. 2021 had been an intense and busy year for me, burnout had seeped in months ago. I made a plan to take a module (two months off) after all of my finals were completed to get back to things I used to enjoy, when I enjoyed life a little more. It might have just been the timing, but suddenly I became aware again, that crypto, is in fact a thing... and at one point, was everything I enjoyed about life.

At that moment it hit me. Wait, don't I have a Siacoin wallet somewhere that I lost the passphrase to? For me, that was an anomoly. I always physically write and keep digital copies of any key I've ever needed to save. Even my google authenticator keys are hidden away, in case I break my phone. So how could I lose a wallet key I had coins in? I went through my notebooks and while restoring them, realized I still had some amounts left in there as if fallout happened and someone left in a hurry. No matter how I searched I couldn't find it. I send messages to myself sometimes instead of writing so I tried that next. Scrolled back to 2017, and there it was. A 28-word passphrase. How weird, I always thought they were only 12 words long. I did a little research before realizing this was it and restored my wallet.

The excitement, the reading, and learning. Forget the bullrun, this.... is something I missed. One thing lead to another and I was back to mining coins (Raven this time) on my super outdated PC. Even my Futurebit Moonlander wasn't giving me much. I never really do much for myself, especially since the start of the pandemic, so why not treat myself? The timing again aligned, as just the previous week I had completed some super-secret face recognition study, to be rewarded with $250 in Amazon credit. To make it just that much better, I opened an Amazon Prime CC just to get another $100 in gift credit. I spent a whole week not knowing what to buy. My first thought was to go to purse.io and fulfill someone else's order for some BTC. It's really difficult to buy crypto in Hawaii due to our laws, we can't even have Coinbase accounts here. I was about to do one better. Why not just buy a high-end gaming laptop and get back into the mining game? I was 3 years overdue for a new one, and I also stream video games. It literally made sense to me. So that was what I was going to do, I was just a little short on capital.

That's the moment that the love of my life for the last 7 months chimed in with his own plan. He would help pitch in for the laptop first, if I would help the following paycheck to pitch in for his new bike. Yes, a motorcycle. The last one he had ran into many issues after buying it off a guy locally for cheap. I had spent several hundred in parts to help fix it, but in the end he sold it to not burden me with it longer. If it's something you like, then it's never a burden. I felt this gesture was his way of paying me back, by helping me before asking me to help him. Oh, how I wish it played out that way.

I started going back to coin research, planning out how I would pay for it, and then I noticed something interesting. I opened the Amazon CC to get the gift card, but there was an option to pay a large purchase down with an 18-month introductory 0% APR offer. Now before you tell me what to do with my money, the computer I bought has an RTX 3060 and with my discounts factored in, and the cost of electricity I would break even in under a year just from mining. Perfect I thought. So I ordered it... and of course, they don't ship to Hawaii. I hit up a good friend who was also a computer enthusiast to ship it to, then they could ship to me. He was down, but not after grilling me on why I didn't get a desktop.

Things were great, they really were. My boyfriend though would be in a mopey mood ever since. He suddenly didn't need help to get his bike anymore. I got exactly what I wanted so I was more than game to lend a helping hand. Maybe it's a matter of curiosity killing the cat but knowing definitely brought me back. I asked him only today why he has been so sad. His answer? You need to be more selfish. No forreal that was his response. I was confused out of my mind. Did he not know the retail value of the purchase I had just made?

Oh, my bus stop is coming up. I guess the rest of this story will have to wait until next time.