Thank You...

Thank you. Two words I never, EVER thought I would look at as I do now. I knew a man once, a friend who did not like me saying thank you to him – I never really understood why and for as much as I respected that, it simultaneously became a standing joke between us because I would say it completely unintentionally and then we would laugh.

I know the awkwardness which can follow a “thank you” because words of response fail and confidence of any kind evades us in that particular moment. I don’t know about any of you, but I am not particularly good at receiving compliments. They make me feel uncomfortable mostly. I never know which way to look nor what to say. Online also, is actually no easier. I am close to one of those people that will get the giggles at a funeral or an announcement of someone’s passing – and it has nothing to do with disrespect – it is purely and simply my insecurity in action… I don’t know what to say, how to respond and more often than not, I end up with foot in mouth syndrome, say something dumb and walk away feeling like a complete moron for the next little while.

“Thank You” can mean so many things and I would say that pretty much most of those variants are positively rooted, so perceiving a “Thank You” as a slap in the face or insult is not really what anybody would expect – I didn’t! I have thought about these words delivered with denied explanation repeatedly for the last day or so and it does nothing more than infuriate me. That is the thing about communication… it is not important, nor pivotal – it is absolutely critical and when it is lacking it becomes nothing short of a breeding ground for all the wrong things. I suppose, this in itself is the primary problem I have had for the last… almost a decade – and apparently still sit with.

Thank you for everything you did for me? Thank you for “you”? Thank you for the time together? Thank you for the life lessons? Thank you for the good food? Or, Thank You for having the courage to end something which I wanted to finish, but never had the courage to? This is what lack of communication creates… uncertainty, frustration, annoyance, RAGE – ALL of the above!

When you are afforded no clarity, you have to move on to create your own. Throw yourself into the water face first, choke and then pull yourself right out again – suddenly you hold a completely new perspective. Anything in life which is challenged to the point of suffocation will bring about an entirely different animal! – and here I sit… saying “Thank you” in return.

So many times along the way I have thought I knew what was best for me, but life… has often shown me different. Thank you for retrospective perspective, the realisation that I am a mother before I am ANYTHING else and that I deserve to be loved COMPLETELY by someone who wants nothing more than everything I have to offer as well as embracing my son and cherishing that! THANK YOU! Thank you for ALL of it – the life and lessons enveloped! Thank You - Time to add a new ink symbol to the collection.

❤❤❤

Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea

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