Handling Conflict

“What do you do when confronted with conflict?”

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I have come across this question many times either in articles and magazines, books, through the media or even as a direct question.

My answer was always the same:

“I will keep calm, tolerate whatever is being thrown at me until it all rolls over and everyone is friends again."

This was the approach that I was raised to adopt as a child. I wasn't allowed to talk back at people because of the fear of what they would do to me as my parents feared for my safety, they thought I was too fragile to be hostile enough to defend myself.

I was always taught to overlook and ignore and it stuck with me.

Growing up with that mindset was actually very difficult for me in retrospect because I remember being scared to stand up for myself whenever my parents were not with me because they were the ones that usually handled any conflict I had with my peers.

In school, I was alone amongst my peers, kids I haven't met before. I was met with different ideologies and characters and I was overwhelmed.
My only means of escape was to adhere strictly to my parent's advice which meant that I overlooked and endured a lot of nasty behavior from my classmates which used to baffle my class teacher back then because she used to wonder why and how I was so calm when other kids were being unnecessarily rude to me.

I remember her scolding me in front of everyone for allowing a girl to take my seat rudely, making me sit at the back of the class struggling to see what was written on the board. It was in the process of squinting hard from the back of the class that she noticed me and asked what happened before rectifying the situation and sending the girl back to her seat.

She scolded me more than she scolded the girl because I was shortsighted and I wasn't with my glasses that day and yet I allowed someone to push me out of my seat without calling her attention knowing fully well that I wouldn't be able to see the board properly.

I was really sad that day and I was torn between two conflicting mindsets. The one that my parents instilled in me about keeping the peace and the one that my teacher was trying to instill in me about standing up for myself.

At that age, I translated standing up for myself as me getting into a fight that would turn bloody and messy whenever someone offended me which would get me in trouble with the school authorities and my parents at home.

I didn't want that, so I chose the quiet way.

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I carried that mindset with me for a long time from my early years even up to my teenage years and it didn't get any better because now I know that humans react immediately when what they dish out is dished back to them in equal measure.

As I got older and began to mature, I noticed that some people take exceptional joy in causing trouble for someone just because they choose to overlook and ignore for the sake of peace and I began to react.

Though slowly and steadily, I began to improve my responses when faced with conflict. Instead of retreating for peace to reign, I began to face conflict head-on.

I don't go about looking for battles to fight, no. But if I am eventually faced with conflicts that I cannot retreat from, then I have to face it for the sake of my peace.

It doesn't also mean that I respond to all types of conflicts, no. I still take the advice of my parents now and then and retreat from hostile environments and hostile people after careful evaluation to be very sure that I won't be met with the same problem in future.

Though I am an advocate of peace and I try my very best to have a peaceful relationship with everyone I come across, I do have a deal breaker.

I don't tolerate bullying.

This is something that I have personal experience with and now that I am grown and I see that even in adulthood, people still have the tendency to step on others purely for entertainment, it is something that I will definitely face head on if confronted.

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All images used are mine.

...Your thoughts on this post are highly appreciated...