PSYCHOLOGY OF HEART BREAKS

According to Merriam Webster dictionary,

Heart break is deep sadness especially for the loss of someone or something loved.
Many people at different times have felt heartbroken. There are many reasons for which one may feel sorrowed or disappointed. It may be the loss of a dear one, a promise unfulfilled and sometimes heartbreaks are self-inflicted. We’ll look to study the psychology behind heartbreaks in today’s post

THE NATURE OF MAN

Humans are multi-faceted beings. We are made up of layers, of blends of emotions and characters. Humans are physical, emotional, intellectual as well as spiritual beings. These all blend and harmonize to form a unique whole. No two human beings have all these characteristics blended in the same pattern. It is very important that we understand this and to deny the existence of one of these traits is to deny our existence.
Robert D Stolorow Ph.D. has this to say:

Heartbreak is the signature emotion of authentic existence
This goes to say that as humans, we always undergo stages of sorrowing and grieving. One person falls sick today, another dies tomorrow. Death and loss are equi-primordial, so to speak.

Source

David Whyte in a poem he wrote in 2015 pictures the extent to which heartbreak is encrusted in our day-to-day living that it has become like the normal. The poem goes thus:

“HEARTBREAK is unpreventable, the natural outcome of caring people and things over which we have no control, of holding in our affections those who inevitably move beyond our line of sight. Heartbreak begins with the moment we are asked to let go but cannot, in other words, it color and inhabits and magnifies each and every day; heartbreak is not a visitation, but a path that human beings follow through even the most average life.
Heartbreak is our indication of sincerity: in a love relationship, in a work, in trying to learn a musical instrument, in the attempt to shape a better more generous self. Heartbreak is the beautifully helpless side of love and affection and is just as much an emblem of care as the spiritual athlete’s quick but abstract ability to let go. Heartbreak has its own ways of inhabiting and trying patience in coming and going.

Heartbreak has its tentacles clinging not just to our mind and thought processes but even our bodies and brain.

Source

THREE WAYS THAT HEARTBREAKS IMPACTS OUR BRAIN

Emotional pain that feels very often like physical pain
It activates mechanisms in the brain that leads to withdrawal much like the way addicts feel during withdrawal from harmful substances. It impels the ability of the brain to think, act and function in the broadest sense.
Intrusive thoughts that keep you stuck keeps resurfacing. It may be thoughts of time spent with an ex or moments of ecstasy and delight spent with the deceased. This tends to bring fresh feelings of emotional pain and hurt.

MY ADVICE IN CONCLUSION

We need to go beyond what the normal sensory perceptions tells us and pry deeper. If this is not done, we will lose the balance and stand the chance of spending too much time attending to one need at the detriment of the other. Just imagine one arm growing longer than the other. That would be seen and described as disproportionate. So also, if we strive too much on the intellectual side and neglect the emotional needs that may arise, we would so fall out of line with others and even with ourselves. In the same vein, if we decide to go very spiritual and neglect the intellectual, we may end up as delusional and would be ostracized from the external world. There is the need of a compatible balance where there is an appreciable level of all elements syncing together to form the man who can be happy with himself and with others.
At this point, many people may be going through some emotional trauma of some sort, not because a dear one is bereaved but because of the long-time refusal to come to terms with the deeper side of life. The connection has been missing for long and most times, we know it but just cannot connect the dots. You see many people looking outside for something to give them joy; drinking more bottles of beer at the pub, flirting with the opposite sex but none of this brings the real sense of satisfaction. The key is introspection, the choice to go deeper.

Now that you’ve tried virtually every way, perhaps, it is time for a change. How about you do some re-evaluation? The truth is most times we allow things to remain on the surface and never care to look under the carpet. How about a new approach, from inside out? Try and see if this works. A trial wouldn’t be bad. Would it? The key here is learning to know you. Know what your true intentions are. For example, you know you should love but do you know why?

The time is now. If you want to find yourself less and less heartbroken, trying out the recommendations above might be helpful. Learn to give priority to that which matters, to that which adds value. Connect more to those who can speak to your inner self. Recognize that certain people are important and essential to your growth and success.
Lastly, be careful with who and what you open the door to.

Reference
Psychology Today

Psychology of Heartbreak/ Huffingpost

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