Hello and welcome to the
SASQUATCH RECONNAISSANCE GUIDE
Today we'll be learning how to "Squatch" safely and effectively. The techniques you'll learn in this article are also effective in pursuit of Ogopogo, Ahool and a variety of fresh or salt water Turtles.
Before we venture off into deep back country wilderness, there's a few rules we need to remember first.
Part one is going to cover the 3 basic rules of Squatching
Let's begin!
- Rule #1 -
Leave the perfume and cologne at home! Sasquatch have a highly developed sense of smell and find most fragrances to be quite offensive. There are a few cases where scents such as Santal 33 by Le Labo or One Million by Paco Rabanne have been known to sexually arouse Sasquatch leading to complications...
- Rule #2 -
Bring healthy foods. You'll be out there for a few days and not only will you need to feed yourself, but you'll be using food as bait to lure the Sasquatch in. Fast foods like McDonalds or Taco Bell are extremely non-conducive to remaining discreet on your excursion.
FOUL LANGUAGE WARNING
You don't want to be squirting wet shits all over the forest floor, let alone a 700lb - 900lb cryptid.
For some healthy choices
click here and here
- Rule #3 -
Bring instruments! As we all know too well, it's damn near impossible to get a decent radio signal in the mountains let alone WiFi. This is, in large part, a major contributing factor to why Sasquatch has never acclimated to nor adopted the use of technology. It's believed that Sasquatch is a master of playing the spoons himself, yet rarely has anyone to jam with.
Be warned... Any songs by Nickleback might get you killed. Sasquatch hates Nickleback.
And thus concludes the first part of the
SASQUATCH RECONNAISSANCE GUIDE
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CLICK HERE FOR Pt 2!!!
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Nice one
This is freaking hilarious!
Oh my lord. Literally laughing my ass off right now.
I had a couple belly laughs writing it as well. The reaction of the guy in the first image was the inspiration for the "carnal complications" bit... lol.
And the taco image? Too perfect.
Thanks for your support @lenadr
I want to include you in our curation, but before I can, could you cite your photo sources? It could be underneath each image, or at the bottom of the post. Thank you!
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That's awesome! I'm glad this one got some attention, I'm looking forward to writing Pt 2 and Pt 3.
I've included the image sources at the bottom of the page. I've never cited images before, let me know if I did it incorrectly.
Thank you for your support :)
No problem! How are you formatting your posts?
If you're using Markdown, this is a good website to look at: https://github.com/adam-p/markdown-here/wiki/Markdown-Cheatsheet. Scroll down to "Links" and you can learn how to create hyperlinks.
If you're using html, go to this site: https://www.w3schools.com/html/html_links.asp
I've been using markdown. That's a great page though which has some more info then I'm aware of. Bookmarked.
Thanks again :)
You nailed this lol After Part 2 we should all be ready to tackle sasquatch hunting effectively! Thanks for sharing. We only have the mothman here in West Virginia but the mothman convention is coming up soon so maybe I can learn to effectively hunt sasquatch and the mothman at the same damn time.
I kind of have you to thank for this one. Like I mentioned in the comment, you inspired the idea so thanks :D
I've heard that mothman and sasquatch hang in the same circles, I think they even dated the same girl in high school...
;)
You're welcome :) no need to thank me though, we should all be here to help each other grow.
If what you say is indeed true, maybe I will not hunt them together. I don't want to be in the middle of some demonic cat fight 😄
Absolutely, agreed :)
Pt 2 is up, you might pick up a couple more pointers in there ;P
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Sweeeeeeeeeet! So glad this one got some recognition. Thanks to everyone over @OCD!!!
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AWWW SNAP!! Thanks @muxxybot!
An even bigger thank you to @lenadr :)