"people with learning disabilities." Technically accurate- I am one of these according to my peers- And by "peers" I mean parents.

"'Try as I might, I just can't satisfy them as much when they're on my right'" True- When the circle jerk of trust is broken, There's no one left to use your tears as lube.

fun fact: Everyone should take note of the fun fact buried somewhere in this post.

"running bullshit contests which only offer a pissy prize" In fact this is all I am capable of. However, what is this popularity thing you speak of?