I am so excited to write about my travels and show you snippets of my small and big wins in life. I started to draft my trip to so many places when I realized something far more important than that. before I show you a part of those interesting journeys of mine, I want to share with you a little secret. Something not a lot of people know about. Even my Facebook friends and instagram followers are as clueless as a stranger.
I want to share with you my unfiltered life first before some of you assume I had it easy in life.
Disclaimer: this might bore you and you might leave this post as soon as you reach the 3rd paragraph of my blog because you wouldn’t be reading Fun and exciting travel trips just yet. But that is fine with me. I’ll save it for that one person who is going through something difficult.
My journey to U.S was smooth sailing. I could not believe it either. Most of the people I know who wanted to work in America would always say it was hard for them to make it happen. My mentality was not far from theirs, but my mom wanted me to give it a try. Being an obedient child, I did what was expected of me. So, I applied for a job even if my work experience was not strong at all. Days later, I got in! I was shocked but was excited in a way because some people say that if you had it easy, it is meant to be. So, I believed in my heart that fate has decided and life in America is what’s best for me.
New York, California, Las Vegas, Texas and Seattle.
These are few of the states in US featured in American movies. I for one associate United states as a land with mesmerizing sky scrapers but it does not apply to all other states In America, because US it is more than just high rise buildings and busy life, there is more to it than that. Out of the 50 states of America, the Job I applied for was in Iowa. I have never heard of that place before but who cares. As long as I can step foot in America, I am all good. My goal was just to save money, work for a few years and move somewhere else. So, I’m all set! Let’s go! with no much thought in mind I immediately took the job and had the “go with the flow” mentality.
From the moment I landed the airport, I knew there was no turning back. The fear was there but it was not overpowering at all. I had fun on my first 2 months in Iowa. The feeling of freedom is liberating, and it fed my soul for a while. I admit that in those months I was not able to think about my family at all, I was in love with the thought of being independent and not having to ask anyone’s permission. Then, I realized that the situation I was in was like that of a person taking drugs. You feel so high at the beginning but by the time the drug is out of your system, you begin to realize that things are not as good as it was when you first felt it. The excitement’s gone and reality begins to kick in. I am stuck! All alone and I’m scared. My parents were not by my side anymore. I had to pay bills now. I had to budget everything. Cooked for myself, cleaned the bathroom which I really hate by the way. Do some grocery shopping and a lot more.
My life started to change little by little without me noticing. I lose weight and I wasn’t aware of it. My smile wasn’t always on, which is not normal for someone like me. I have not laughed so hard for so long. And I don’t know why. The talkative bunny has now become very shy and timid. I hate the person I have become. I did not like the person in the mirror. For some reason, my confidence was gone. I was awkward and boring. Life was miserable. Everything I envisioned happened to be the total opposite. I wanted to tell my parents. I wanted to go home but how can I do that? when they were so proud of me.Thus, I cannot confess to them what I really feel. So, I start to toughen up a little bit but still, it was not enough. Maybe I’m just home sick. It was what everyone told me. I had to believe that in the coming days and weeks, I will be ok. The nightmare will soon be over. ust wait! It’s part of the adjustment period. Hold on tight! Have faith.
I remembered how I almost burnt down the apartment one time when I was cooking Spring rolls (Lumpia). I must have forgotten to turn off the switch and made the oil really hot causing it to flare up the ceiling. It was so bad. The alarm went off and everyone in the building had to evacuate. Neighbors wanted to help me, but I did not want to open up the door because of how ashamed I was of myself. I eventually put off the fire and told them I was alright. I had blisters all over my hands and legs because the oil had splashed all over the place. After the flame has settled, I locked myself in my room and cried myself to sleep hoping that when I wake up, I’ll be in my mom’s arms. I was not able to eat that day because I refused to. I was not hungry; I think the fear that consumed me made me full.
This, my hive friends is just one of the many unfortunate events of my life alone in America. I am so thankful of the power of time because it really does heal all wounds.
Aireen is a citizen of the world. She lives in America and in the Philippines. She is much more than the number of stamps in her passport because her pursuit of happiness is not about acquiring things, it is about exploring life. Join her as you peek into her life’s snakes and ladders adventure but most importantly, talk to her because she wants to connect with different people with different walks of life.
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