To Bare Arms

in #life5 months ago

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Do you come here often?

The Nurse giggled at me through her mask as if I were a big wedge of Camembert and she was a toasty hot oven.

Oh aye. I love it.

I raised an eyebrow in an attempt to be debonair and handsome above my mask. It was only now since the era of masks had dawned that I realised how hard Highwaymen had had it back in the day when they were attempting a cheeky flirt with a damsel in a wagon they had just held up.

Truly, life is never easy.

And what are you in for today, the doubler? Flu and Booster?

I presume she grinned because her mask wrinkled in a funny way as if a vile lizard was trying to claw its way out of her mouth under that fabric.

That's right. Fuck me up, buttercup.

I offered a brawny arm at her.

Oh, I love that tattoo. What is it?

She gestured at the coiling vengeance of ink on my upper arm.

This, oh, it's old Incan. It means... Tears of the Dragon.

Pensively, I looked off into the middling distance where dreams dared to die.

Oh.

Nurse Oven Bahjeena's voice hitched as she became absorbed in the journey of ink that adorned me. She was probably barren but thinking at that moment that my beautiful sperms could make her whole and gift her the joy of life.

Alas, I had a different path and for once had no sperms to spare.

Besides, I had never made sweet potato pie whilst wearing a mask and had no intention of crawling down the road to gimp-hood.

Nurse Oven Bahjeena blinked away some unbidden tears and returned to the matter at hand.

Do you want them in different arms or are you happy to take them both in one arm? Most go for different arms...

She seemed hesitant to trouble a Titan such as myself with mere words.

I snorted like a Peruvian Monk drinking coffee that had not been made with beans shat out of a monkeys arse.

How dare she? Different arms? What kind of world was this? Were we not men anymore? If everyone opted to share the load between arms then I would do the exact opposite.

Stick them both in the Dragon's eye. She won't mind.

I waggled my arm at her invitingly.

She nodded. All business now, thoughts of sperms and future childbearing relegated to the dustbin of couldhavebeens.

Just relax, this will only take a second.

She pushed the first load of genetically altered muck into the masterpiece that was my arm.

I barely felt it.

And the next...

She raised the second needle and pushed it against my skin.

Oh god. It's not going in?

She heaved hard against the indomitable slab of meat I called my upper arm.

Push woman. Harder.

I urged.

I'm trying! I'm trying... I can't get it in?!

Her voice rose to a panicky crescendo.

I thought it was meant to be me that said that?

I chuckled with a wry smile.

Hang on, let me try.

Some random man that looked skilled in animal husbandry leapt into the fray and grasped Nurse Oven Bahjeena's hand lending his weight to the shoving of the needle.

Sweat lashed from both their brows as they fought to pierce the mighty skin on my arm with the needle.

It's no good. The needle cannae take it!

The man yelled as with a resounding crunch, it collapsed and the pair of them fell senseless to the ground.

For fuck sake, come on man. Somebody do me and get this done with?!

I yelled in exasperation.

TALLY HO!!

A bearded and grizzled mariner came lurching into the hall with a crab-like gait and hefted up a barnacle-encrusted harpoon.

I speared Neptune himself with this back in 62!

He yelled and loosed the metallic talon from his grasp.

His aim was true and it thudded into my arm cleaving the skin asunder and delivering its nefarious AI chip-laden payload deep into my DNA.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!

Fire blazed through my veins and I rose to my feet shaking off the metaphorical shackles that had been enslaving me.

I was free... FREE!!!

RRAAAAAAAAA...

My phone vibrated. It was the Good Lady.

Hey, could you pick up bagels on the way home?

I cleared my throat and looked up at the clock. Yep, the fifteen minutes post jab wait was up.

Disappointedly, I sighed and stood up from the chair where I had been slumped during my wait.

No superpowers again. Well, apart from the not dying superpower.

Oh well. I guess that would have to do.

Sort:  

AHH you're superpower boosted! Excellent job.

I've just had to have, and passed, two RT-PCR tests in 4 days costing me about 80quid before jumping on a tube train from Heathrow to Kings Cross surrounded by maskless madmen coughing and spluttering Luke they'd just done a full pack of Capstan Full strength...bring it on, next stop Omicron central !

Super boosted, man!! I just lifted a truck off an old lady!!

I was into Asda yesterday and the amount of unmasked was obscene and half of them were spluttering and coughing. Iwas like, feck off ya manky bastards!

!PIZZA

No sperms to spare sounds suspiciously like no fucks to give lol. That not dying superpower is most likely the best one ever hahaaa!

It does sound a bit like that and I think I will use it like that from here on in!

The Superpoer I don't want to be without :OD

!PIZZA

I've been trying to book a booster, but the NHS site is crumbling under the onslaught of millions trying to get it done before Xmas. I don't mind needles, but I've heard some people did get a bad reaction to the booster for a short while. I'll risk that.

I was lucky in that I was due a flu shot and if you are getting one up here they just wallop a bosster in too. It was hard for the missus to get one but she got a cancellation. It is all a bit of a clusterfunk.

It is quite sore but so was my first jab. I will take the risks versus the COVID risk any day!

!PIZZA

I will see about a flu jab too as it seems I am officially an old person now.

Did you get needle or jab? I don't like needle, injection, jab whatever you call. I feel bad after having it.

Needle, all the way in. Two at once. My arm hurts a little but that happened before, it fades after a day or two. Should be fit for the beer by Friday :O)

I got two at once in army, boohhh.

Bet that was a proper giant needle! They don't mess about in the army :OD

!PIZZA

@meesterboom If only there were a magic jab that gave ultimate freedom! Nope - we will never get freedom from our good ladies. We have to keep a stiff upper lip and say “some burdens are welcome lifelong”. 😬

Cheers and regards.

There are burdens we will have to bear that is true! Alas it looks like this pesky virus is one along with the good ladies, lol!

!PIZZA

@meesterboom lol. I have had the good lady and the pesky virus with me, so to speak as I have been quarantined with her. The only good part of it is that I got some time to process my wildlife pics and posted a Hive post every day for more than a week so far. Even got the Hivebuzz comment about it. Lol.

Some good does come out of everything I guess.

You must be almost out of the quarantine now surely? You will be looking forward to escape!

@meesterboom. Yes finished quarantine yesterday. On my way home with the good lady. Unfortunately all the RTPCR checks and horribly long transit connection times ( due to fewer connecting flights) mean that it will be tomorrow night before I reach home. 😭

At least the journey has begun. It wont be long before you can sink into your nice soft bed and think Thank funk that's all over!

Keeping all fingers and toes crossed for that. Thanks 😊

Hi @meesterboom ,you have a dragon tattoo, no wonder the nurse was flirting with you, well and you happy ha ha ha ha, too bad you didn't have sperm to spare haaaaaaaaaa, the part that made me laugh the most was when you say ,does not enter, that haaaaaaaa, I better not continue, they can censor me ha ha ha ha, and another topic, trying to smile or that you smile with the mask is difficult, it is like taking a photo and saying, smile for the photo haaaaaa with the mask surely you will not see the smile, your post is very funny.
A hug

One thing I miss for sure are the random smiles from people when wearing masks. That way I always know they get the joke :O)

!PIZZA

Was this your second or your third shot? I've got my third (Pfizer booster) scheduled for Jan 7. Then, I too will be able to deflect the asteroid such that it's new trajectory prevents eminent doom to earth.

It was my 3rd. First two were Pfizers and this one was the moderna. I was a bit miffed that I didn't get the Pfizer for the third one but they seem to be mixing them up over here to get a broader resistance going. How long is it since your second?

We shall both be the shield of humanity!!!

!PIZZA

My second shot was June 7. So, it'll be 6 months to the day when I get my third.

I got AstraZenica first, Pfizer second and will be getting Pfizer third.

Aw man, that's a proper mix! You will be ironclad and bulletproof! I think I am about five months from my last one.

I think a mix is defo the way to get the body defences up. By all accounts it really narrrows your chances of getting it serious to negligible numbers and that is what I like to hear.

With pizza and !BEER , we should be able to protect humanity from everything!!!!! But a little jab here and there will likely help a little.

Lol, I keep forgetting about !BEER !

I am resigned to the jabs becoming a regular thing for a while before they get really on top of it. Pfizer has a pill which sounds good at stopping people dying. All good there!


Hey @gikitiki, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Did you know that you can use BEER at dCity game to **buy dCity NFT cards** to rule the world.

My booster will be in January.
Amazing when one takes a squizz at the replies how many different things persons see in a post.
I see that you voted my post and did you see the Tyson fight in it?

It will be good to get it, the third one appears to be the charm.

Lol, I was just going through my feed there. It was not the outcome I expected from he first photo, lol!

Luckily I am used to needles and the say that the booster shot on top of the 2 Pfizer shots will deliver about an 80% chance of not getting Omicron.

Yep, that outcome was just as surprising to a few in the post as it was to us.
I am still sad that our twins are no more and the two of them are walking around here with smiling faces. I think the buggers knew that we thought they were twins :)

!BEER

80% sounds like a fine number to me.

I like to think that they knew and were toying with us. Lol!!

Agreed to both of your statements and in the meantime we just have to try our best to stay alive :)

I am with you there! Heres to staying alive!!

Oh yeah, the Bee-Gees certainly knew what they were singing about so long ago :)

!PIZZA

Lol, it's a great song!!


Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @papilloncharity for you. Enjoy it!

Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the BEERKING.

Don't worry, once all those AI chips and nanoparticles take root in your DNA you will get your superpowers.

!PIZZA

I can feel the wiring threading through my skeleton as we speak.

I AM IRON MAN!

Or will be... maybe...

!PIZZA

More like… Ant Man


🍕

!PIZZA

🍕

ANTANIUM MAN!!!

Everything sounds better with an 'ium

:0)

That's a big slice you have!!

That right there is a slice of PIZZAZIUM!

Oh man, I can't wait to see this token land in my wallet!!! In return I thrust some !BEERIUM at you!!


Hey @brandt, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Did you know that you can use BEER at dCity game to **buy dCity NFT cards** to rule the world.

Thanks for the super yummy thrust! Please accept this gigantic chunk of throbbing rock hard !THRUSTIUM as my gesture of gratitude!

fucking hated the 15 minutes wait. They do it by age group here and I've to talk to people from secondary school who I didn't see in years. Thought I was done with the two jabs and now i've to go back for the booster where I will have to awkwardly small talk again. Jab me in the eye the next time so I can't see these people

No small talk here. In Glasgow everybody just eyes each other with suspicion wondering who has a knife. Lol!!

!PIZZA

Ha! Dangerous 15 minutes growling at each other.

And not to forget the ever watchful eye for the guy who just wants to tap a fag aff ye 😂😂

I saw a cartoon today of a man with dots all over his arms... His friend asked if he had measles and he shook his head no... Nope. Boosters.

Yikes. I can see it now. Better measle look-alikes than covid, yes? Here, they are watching for what they call the twindemic — new influenza cases piled on top of COVID-19 transmission.

Good think you have the superpower!

I have seen some funny Vax memes. I think it is important to laugh about it. Despite ultimately looking as if we have fallen on a porcupine. They were worried about that here too, hence the doubler of superpower!! :0D

!PIZZA

I have no idea what I just read, but it was awesome. lol, I had to read it a couple of times actually before I got it. Nice.

She seemed hesitant to trouble a Titan such as myself with mere words.

Lol.

Lol, I like try put an exciting spin on the thoroughly mundane :0D

!PIZZA

Holy shit, that's a hell of callback to when I was a Steem newbie and didn't even know your account existed!

Haha, I almost cringe when I look at the old antics!! I remember that one was done when I came in drunk from the pub!!

!PIZZA

The monthly jab is around the corner

It could be and how shit would that be!

!PIZZA

🤣
The dragon had had enough. A fight like that and a double shot!?! You're arms going to be sore tomorrow lol. 😆

I thinkI have reached peak arm pain, it seems to be subsiding. Just in time for me to get out there on the streets and start fighting crime! ;OD

!PIZZA

Yeah the vaccines these days hurt quite a bit afterwards haha
It must be the 5g chips 🤔

Yeah, them 5G cos just aren't small enough and they really hurt when they go in!!! 🤣🤣

gigavaxxed.png

Reminded me of this great meme. Nice story, it's very well written! I tried paying with my chip in a store but it didn't work. No groceries sponsored by Moderna and Pfeizer, unfortunately :/

It must still be downloading a firmware update! I am sure mine is almost done and then I will be paying for everything with it!

Gigavaxxed, probably not so far away! lol

!PIZZA

A thousand people would probably agree, but youre a great storyteller Boom.

I had to get jabbed too, hate that sore feeling but i been ok since. Its become such a quarrel of opinions regarding but im in the middle on it.

I see the eyes of the dragon tattoo though, woulda been funny to jab both its eyes actually lol. And dam, thinking about that needle going in kind of rough, jeeez haha.

!PIZZA

Cheers man!

Yeah, it's one of those things that I'm not entirely convinced on but come down slightly more on the side of taking my chances with it. Looking back I should have got them in separate arms as it got really funking sore!!

!PIZZA

Lol, hell nah man, haha. I had a hard time sleeping, had it on my mind, feeling like i got punched by Mike Tyson.

Cheers man, see ya on the next

See you on the other side wherever that may be!!!

I'm trying! I'm trying... I can't get it in?!
Her voice rose to a panicky crescendo.

I thought it was meant to be me that said that?

Hahahahaha Boomy got me laughing again🤣🤣

Tis all I hope to accomplish!! :0D

!PIZZA

Ah I think what you may think to have been a daydream was actually a glimpse into a paraelle universe. You see there is another universe out there. One where all of the couldhavebeens live in their full glory, we we live in our full glory. All possible if we had just made some other choices...

I firmly believe that to be true. How awesome must some other universes be and how fucking horrifying must some others be!!

!PIZZA

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😭😭😭😭 dragon tears 😅

The best kind of tears!

!PIZZA

which is more ferocious crocodile tears

Of course, they are fiery!! :OD

I snorted like a Peruvian Monk drinking coffee that had not been made with beans shat out of a monkeys arse.

I like coffee (nowadays I often drink it 2 or even more times per day), but I would rather pass on this. 😂

I have always wanted to try it! But expensive though. I have 3-4 cups a day, it used to be a lot more when I worked in the office. One of the benefits of home working perhaps!