This is Satanic

in #life5 months ago

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And so, that is why they have asked if I could come in today. You are ok with it aren't you?

The Good Lady made that little wrinkled frown face that shy woodland creatures make when they are trying to be cute, little realising that owls don't give a fuck if they are cute and just eat them anyway.

Her new pretend job which didn't pay any actual money but bettered humanity in some way had asked if she could pop in for a few hours today to do stuff. Like a hog-riding buffoon, she had said yes.

And now she was telling me.

I tilted my head to the side and studied her. Go into work? Today? On the eve of the New Year?

Didn't they know it was Hogmanay? It was the solemn duty of all Scots to get drunk on Hogmanay.

To get drunk as early and as violently as possible.

How else were we meant to fight in the streets and sing about shagging the English?

Oh... Ooooohhhh. Was that it? Were her new employers English and they didn't know of the fire that burned in Scot's bellies? The fire that could only be quenched by cold alcohol?

It's Hogmanay.

I said a little snootily.

I know. It is only for a few hours. It's important.

She shrugged slightly as if to say, hey, whatchoo gonna do about it?

I know what I might fucking well do. Maybe I will go down to her new employers and burn them out. Charity or no Charity.

Didn't they know that Hogmanay was sacred to the Scottish?

To ask her to work, it was positively Satanic. I mean, surely things like this were covered by the Geneva convention? Whoever Geneva was.

I mean, come on. Who would paint my face blue if she went out galivanting helping the needy or whatever the fuck it was that she did in her imaginary new job that didn't pay any money?

A man had to have his face painted on Hogmanay. And smell of Whisky. And be carrying a sturdy stick. All of the above. That's how it was done.

I hoped the neighbours had rounded up some quality dogs this year.

I grimaced slightly. Last year had been a bit of a washout as we had only managed to collect a motley bunch of Pugs and Chihuahuas. Bloody middle classes, hadn't they heard of real dogs?

It's no fun beating a Pug to death with a stout stick. Well, that is a lie. It's great fun. Especially when you are drunk, your face is painted blue and you are singing about shagging the English.

But Pugs... They don't offer much of a fight.

I sighed.

Oh well, it was better than nothing I suppose.

Will you paint my face before you go?

I asked in a small voice.

Oh darling! Of course I will!!

She leapt toward me and grabbed me in a crushing bear hug.

Fiercely, I hugged her back. It wasn't her fault after all. Bloody jobs and their demands.

I kissed her.

I will save you a Pug.

There. Her new bosses might be Satanic but at least the New Year would be saved.

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I'd like to see that pic of you with a Braveheart pattern painted face. Bonus points if there's a half beaten Pug in the pic

If there are cameras allowed then I shall take the face pic!! :0D

What about the half-beaten dog?

There ain't no half beatings in this house!! Full beatings all the way ;0D

That's the spirit.

Got to put your all into this kind of thing!

Sounds like you guys know how to have fun. Not my cup of tea though.

Board games, friends and good food is what I will spend my new year's eve with.

See you in 2022!

There might be food and board games too!!

Have a good one mate and see you in 2022!!

Cool and moz def! ;<)

Happy New year's eve! Do Scottish folks actually paint their faces blue today?

A happy new year to you!!!

Not all but a small number do. Mostly when in the pub although with the COVID shenanigans there might be none this year!!

I see. Didn't know that. That's a pretty cool tradition. So I guess you're on the side that paints their face then. Nice!

Hehe, I was in the past. Parenthood might have scotched it somewhat but I can dream!!

If Hogmanay is sacred to the Scottish, then I feel getting drunk on that day may be satanic also. What do you think?

Oh no, it is the only way we can celebrate and show our commitment to this most holy of days!! ;0)

Ok, I understand now

Yo, man, what is it about beating dogs? I don't get that part, and I'm imagining some gory stuffs like drunk happy people coming together with sticks and beating dogs to death.

Yeah, that's just me talking shit as if us Scots are a crazy bunch! No dogs were harness this Hogmanay :0)

Heheheh. Man, you had me searching google to see if shit like that happened 😂

Hehe, then my mission is accomplished!!! :0D

Oh no! 😭

You're doing April fool's day on hogmanay, aren't you a disgrace to your decent drunk Scottish brothers?

I am!! And in fact it makes me honourable to the angry Scots gods!! All will be well with whisky and new year!!!

Paint your face blue, get drunk.... and watch the children while your wife is out.

I'm sure there will be a good story or too after this. LOL !

I am not so sure it would be an entertaining one. I have been babysitting all day!! However, the night is now young and she is back! Woohoo!!! :0D

Ahh... so all is not lost and there is still time to make an evening worth story telling.

I like the optimism. I shall do my damndest!

Hello friend

Happy new year in advance man ❤️

Happy new year mate!! Hope it's a good one

now I am quite curious.... Is there a tradition of pug bashing in Scotland on Hogmanay?

Alas only on my fevered imagination. If only there was though, there would be less of the little buggers!!! :0D

"Culling" sounds like a Scottish term for dog bashing, so I assumed there may be history.

Hehe, it also sounds like that soup Cullen skunk I think it is. Maybe it's dog soup!

Happy new year.

Two question.

a. How pissed? From 1 (Still able to walk in a straight line) to 10 (publically telling people that Nicola is a hottie and you wouldna mind giving her a sympathy shag) and

b. Why have you gone all TG in your excellent opening graphic? Nice Mel and Kim hat by the way :-)

Maybe just a shade under telling Nicky baby she's the one. I don't even know if it's possible to get that drunk!!

Lol, it was a great photo to twist!! Might be over doing it on the skinniness tho!! :0D

!PIZZA

Hogmanay sounds wonderful. Since it is the wee hours over your way, I hope your pillow case is nice and blue from the paint you forgot to wash off because you had way too much fun:)

I have to go get a confetti balloon ready to pop in 50 minutes...so I can start the new year by vacuuming...

Hehe, we had a balloon sack thing for the ceiling. I quite fancy the idea of a confetti balloon though. Apart from the hoovering!

Happy new year!!

Don't you go posting photos of yourself in blue-face. It's all fun and games until the smurfs kick up a fuss and get you cancelled!

Happy New One BTW!!!

Nice guitar too.

Happy new year dude. I shall keep the blueface private so that I don't suffer the vengeance of those pesky Smurfs!!!

It's no fun beating a Pug to death with a stout stick. Well, that is a lie. It's great fun. Especially when you are drunk, your face is painted blue and you are singing about shagging the English.

"How it feels to chew 5 gum?" 😂
Hahaha. 😂

By the way, I have not been drunk in my entire life. I very rarely drink alcohol.

Happy New Year.

Have a nice day and have a nice weekend.
All the best. Greetings and much love from Hungary.

Happy new year and weekend too! I have been drunk far too many times to count. It is a way of life here although I am not so bad as I was in my youth, thankfully!

Yo uare lucky not to have been drunk!

The absolute cheek of them do gooders trying do your wife out of her dog given rights!! 🤣🤣

Exactly. I could hardly believe their heretical eyes!! :0D

Did you save the Good Lady a pug and a stick? What is Hogmanay without them? Happy New Year, Boom! I hope you tied a good one on! :)

On a lighter note... Is your face still blue or is the fun over?

Happy new year Missy!! It's all gone, know it is just a memory (hazy) of what once was. Now I just have the interminable traveling about to visit various relatives. In a direct contravention of the COVID rules I might add :0D

I was lucky this year!! Everyone has come here! With prezzies and wine. So, that's not breaking protocol, right? I didn't leave home!

I have volunteered a fair amount and regarless of what many say, much of it paid off, although the Good Lady shouldn't be too good or they'll take advantage of her.

Sounds like a good time. By George, you do Hogmanay the right way. Hazy! Enjoy the relatives! Tell them to keep covid to themselves.

You have obeyed the letter of the law!!

She has done it in the past so I am sure she will be ok but Hogmanay, tsk tsk, they are lucky they didn't feel the back of my hand!

We are all tested with those flimsy plastic kits. Should be good to go. Just the traveling now, sigh.

Enjoy your break!!! :0)

Stay safe! :)

Hello @meesterboom, The Good Lady is beautiful, and you love her too much, it's not that she gets her way, it's that your love for her is great, she has to work, free, but she has to work, you can paint your face of blue and get drunk, she will join you later.I wish you a happy year, have a lot of health and a lot of money :)

I wish a very happy new year to you too my friend!!! Good health and all that!! :0D

Thank you, GOD wants this year to go very well, the best, that we have excellent health, hug your good lady a lot, you are a beautiful couple, you make her laugh, and women love that, I will try not to be so serious, then I will find a beautiful woman.
A hug

The women do like laughter in my experience! I am sure you will find the right one. :O)

It has been a tranquil Hugmany over here at the Nederish Lowlands. Except some booming fire-works that sounded like world-war 3 had started.

Only came around to do some monkey spanking and chocking a snake. (No real life animals were hurt in the process.)

Maybe I should have gone out and try to introduce a first-foot tradidition. But for reasons probably right now is not considered to be good timing for that.

Also to hug many, does not seem to be appreciated a lot these days. All that is left is drinking. First of January, time to visit family and commence the drinkening then. 🍻

Happy new year mate!

Happy new year mate!!!

It was fairly quiet round here too. The COVIDs seemed to have put paid to the first footing which is a dashed shame. Still, there was family visiting to be had today and tomorrow we are going up the bitter North. Hope you had a good one!

Hopefully traditions will return to be enjoyed for everyone this year! Hope you had a good too. Now visiting family, up North, but in our hometown. Close to home, so it can be done on bicycle. 🙂

Have a great evening and a splendid time up North!

Slàinte!

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I will say a big fat cheers to that!

Slainte!

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Sorry not sorry in the slightest for taking a hint of a possibility of an opportunity for another boomy evil laugh shenanigan XP

Don't ask I don't know either

Hope you enjoyed your New Year shenanigans :D

Hahahaha!!! Oh that's awesome!!!

I enjoyed them very much and I hope you did too!!! :0D

Will there be a recap? Have you already done arecap and I just haven't seen it yet? :D

I don't think I was in any fit state to recap. It has all been a bit blurry ever since!!

Definitely too much then XD

Oh yes I once was young and foolish and did a bit of that volunteering. I guess they (the pretend employer) realize that they have a blank check to abuse you however they like. After all you volunteered for it lol. It was shite actually and now I have a hard rule about avoiding any volunteering like the plaque.

Happy New Year to you Boom and Boom Crew

Happy new year to you and the family dude!!

I was quite annoyed I must say. It's for a noble cause but I didn't think they would be pestering her during the holidays!

I know Satan fairly well and I don't think he'd support beating pugs to death with sticks. Chihuahuas yes, but not pugs.

Chihuahua sausage !PIZZA!

Chihuahua sausage pizza sounds awesome!!! Go Satan!!!!

Heck, I forgot about !PIZZA

I hear it's quite popular in hell! !PIZZA PARTY!

Happy 2022 Boomy🤗 May you have a unicornic year aka so fabulous that it seems unreal lol

Happy 2022 lass!!! Hehe, may you have a mucho fabulous one and all your wishes come true!! :0D

Thank you Boomy🥰

Oh hooo...almost missed the New Year's greetings and well wishings....to the house of Boom and all who dwell within...Happy New Year!!

And happy New year to the Lovelace's!!! May the next year be the year of kings!!! :0D

@meesterboom Hope you didn't end up having too much fun on the eve. What with the good lady not being around to keep an eye, I am afraid you went all 'Braveheart' and had some dangerous fun! Hope you made it back safely 😀

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I had much fun!! And made it back safely. Which I am relatively happy about :0D

@meesterboom Glad to hear that. The world still needs you around 😀
I actually remembered you today and went to read your mystery of the missing dump post again because while I wrote my post on some rapid fire shit, I was laughing my a$$ off, remembering your post. 😂😂. You are badddd influence. Lol

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Is this your guitar? Happy new year when it arrives

If a man had to have his face painted on Hogmanay, it must be red, which is corresponded to the day :)

Red would do, but the blood is red enough!!! :0D

I was in Edinburgh one New Years Eve and I'm lucky to be alive after it. 😂