The Finger Of God

in #life5 months ago

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Daddy, can we play Splinterlands?

The Little Lady cheeped like a two-day-old chick spying an Easter bonnet.

My eyes rolled so hard I had to hold on to the table to stop myself spinning off into the distance.

We can't, lass. Remember I told you I rent all my cards out now for the Benjamin's?

I made a gangsta sign which given she was nine, only made it look to her as if I was having a seizure.

Awww. But why have you got it open if you aren't going to play?

She rightfully pointed to my laptop which was open on the Splinterlands site.

Oh. Yeah, they've got a thing going. Selling new packs of cards. I was just having a look at what I opened earlier.

I gestured disappointedly at the screen.

Only an hour earlier, I had excitedly jabbed open 150 packs and now I was trying to fight the sinking feeling that I had essentially ejaculated into a mitten made of hundred dollar bills and then set it on fire before throwing it at my neighbour's cat.

Oh! Ohhh!! You bought some packs!! Can I open some? Pleeeease Daddy... Pleeeeeeeease!!!

She clasped her hands out imploringly.

Fuck. I had spent all my ready cash?

The Little Lady made a mewling sound like a giraffe stubbing a hoof on an escalator.

Bollocks. How could I refuse my firstborn?

Only slightly grudgingly, I shoogled some HIVE, SPS and other dribbles of magic internet money into vouchers and three Splinterlands CHAOS packs. Then obviously had to shoogle some more for the potions. After all, you cant open packs without potions. It is one of the rules of being fleeced.

Tada! You can open three.

I swivelled the laptop in her direction.

Yay!!!

She watched as I showed her how to drag the bits and bobs to the big swirly thing.

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Yeah, that thing.

Right go!

I let her loose.

She extended a wobbly finger and opened the first pack. a varied selection of shite and dross cards flipped over. Half-heartedly, I congratulated her in helping Daddy to build up a tower of shit. Although, perhaps not quite in those words.

So can I open another one?

She boinged eagerly up and down in the chair.

Yeah, go for it kid.

I watched, making my patented, life is shit and someone has just shat in my shoe, can it get any shitter? face.

The first card was a Mumping Goblin or some nonsense. Inwardly I sighed.

Daddy this card is shaking?

I pulled my attention back to the screen where indeed her second card was shaking...

A legendary!!! Yay girl, you got a legendary card. They are super rare!

I high fived her. This was more like it. This. This is why people have kids. It was so clear to me now.

She opened the next. It was a seashell that looked like a luridly coloured vagina. Hmmph.

Then the next.

HOT QUACKING SHIT?!

It started vibrating and doing that funny legendary shake. Another legendary!! 2! In one pack!

Daddy look! Look!

The Legendary had flipped over but now it was making that shhmirshing sound of a gold foil materialising.

I watched in awe as it turned into a gold foil. A level two, gold foil Legendary Salted Caramel ghost thing.

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Awesome!! I quickly checked how much it was valued.

$465 smackers!

I lifted my beautiful lass up out of her seat and twirled her around in the air laughing before depositing her back down.

You did amazing lass. I owe ya!

I ruffled her hair.

You owe me? Oh, excellent. Can you buy me a pony?

She beamed up at me.

I ruffled her hair again and thought of golden legendary things.

Of course I can, lass. You can have two.

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Haha, nice catch by your princess - love this story

Hey dude!

Yeah, it was a good catch indeed. She hasn't had any such luck since but I still get her to open em! :OD

My little one was opening some packs in Beta stage I remember - i might have her with me again - hope it will help.

Whaaaaaaaaaat lol, thats awesome that she likes splinterlands. It is kind of fun to open packs.

You absolute madman, quacking shit, and to shoogle that magic internet money lol.

That card is sweet. The 0 (zero) cards are sweet.

!PIZZA

She did get another but I think that might be because I have her opening all my packs now in the misguided hope that she is lucky.

That and she loves it! :OD

Did I do it again? I'm the last to find out again ain't I and now all the dang things are probably gone!!

There are still aplenty of cards. The general sale doesn't start till January I think!

Nerd alert: The best I can do is sign in dude. Really. Some years ago I was gifted a couple cards. I recently learned they're valuable so I've been renting them out for months now and have already stacked several hundred DEC.

But when I went there after I read your piece, and then again just now, I clicked on "purchase pack" again:

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What am I missing?

👊🏼

Oh man. They must have that in place so that before you can do anything you have to buy a starter book. A bit pants. Now that I think on it I did read something about to start you have to sign up with that spell book thing. Maybe you could buy it with the DEC?

It's time to teach the little lady about math ...

To maintain a horse is roughly $10K/year if you don't live on a farm where you already have some of the costs covered. Here's an example in Canadian Dollars -- Horse Costs in Canada

So ... you tell the little lady that you just need to find 20 more Level 2 Gold Foil cards.

Here's where the math part comes in ... The little lady will learn that every time that she cries, DaddyBear will buy another pack of cards. But, you'll likely only find one foil card in every 25 packs.

So ... in order to get a horse, the little lady will need to have a total of 25X20 = 500 total meltdowns - we're talking screams that will cause the paint to peel in a wallpapered room.

And remember to factor in that you will want wifi at the stable. Because, you know, she won't be able to get there on her own.

bwah ha ha ha ha

LOL! I can barely take one meltdown every few days or so!

She is sacked now. Her ability to find gold foil cards was just an anomaly and it has been proved to be such. She is lucky she has a home and a roof over her head now let alone getting damned horse! :OD

So, is the Little Lady available for pack opening services?

Regretfully no. She seems to have ran off on the back of a pony... ;0)

Nice loot.
I got ultra lucky with 3 pack and got a GF DR blight https://peakd.com/luckiest/@neogenesis49/the-luckiest-airdrop-with-3-pack

Ooft man. That was a great catch!!!

!PIZZA

Well played!

I believe this only means one thing! In order for you to succeed, you must produce a few more of those children things to open your cards. They have the luck of the Irish Scottish!

Oh, a pony? When she gets old enough to beg properly for a pony, take her to a barn that has them and volunteer her to muck out the stalls. That will either kill her taste for it or cure it and she'll want her own herd.

Congrats! Awesome cards!

Of course. I shall get to the procreation right away. Normally its a chore but you know with this goal in mind I might even enjoy it ;O)

She mucked out some stable the last time we went horse riding. I thought she would hate it but instead she was all red faced and happy! Yeek!

!PIZZA

Oh, you are totally s*rewed! In so many ways!

Enjoy! I know it's a chore, but, someone has to do it!

Hello @meesterboom, if you are going to buy her a pony or two it is because she gave you the luck and she deserves it, the only thing here is that your daughter must take care of and feed the pony, you must tell her her obligations with the pony, it is not just buy it and look at it, you have to do more and you know it.
A hug

She ain't getting no pony. Not unless she pulls a few more good foil legendary cards out for me 🤣🤣

Hey daddy bear, she deserves a pony even if it's a toy, it's a joke, give the girl something, it's a good letter

Haha, she might get something... Maybe!

That is really cool, nice that it is such an exciting experience for the kids.

She loves opening the packs. It's now costing me proper money!

I remember those days, opening packs with the same excitement as the little lady, haha! I have to admit, even though I did quite well when I sold them, I wish I had kept a few...I even won a couple tournaments back in the day :0)

They would have been good for the airdrops and the daily earnings thing they have going on now. Never too late to get back in ;O)

Half-heartedly, I congratulated her in helping Daddy to build up a tower of shit.

Hahahaha. But who got the last lucky laugh! A pony , a good quality pony...might cost you more. What if she will want a real one? Prepare your wallet for war, first shib, now opening cards and a pony....toasted!🤣🤣

I have a feeling she might end up costing me a lot of money. But for now she is getting a wooden stick and Iwill call it a pony! lol!

!PIZZA

Put some hair on that stick and unicorn stars and she will be hooked!🤩

Lol, she has one exactly like that and she loves it!

Who let the ponies out woof wooof woof😅😅
I wonder if there is any MyLittlePony coin. If it exists and she finds out....boomy..prepare for financial ruin🤣

I am struggling to imagine how I could be financially ruined any further than what Parenthood has already done! :0)

Hahahaha now this is quite true

LOL
For how much DEC per Day can I rent her? I`d like to pull some gold foils as well.
Or is it Ponies per Day instead of DEC?

Might be half a pony! ;0)

!PIZZA

@meesterboom Wow - The little lady is so lucky. To have you as a father, who buys her 3 packs of cards with magic internet money and to find a RARE card worth 465 !!

If there are any slots open for adaption - PLEASE consider me. LOL

Just kidding

Cheers

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IT almost makes me believe in this magicn internet money malarkey! ;OD

!PIZZA

Well done to the both of you... (I guess, as I have not taken the Splinterlands plunge)
Having spent too many decades shoogling around Wall St stonks, this magic internet money still seems a bit on the janky side to me. However I must admit when Hive was pumping over three, it was giving me the warm fuzzies in my neither regions just the same!

ITs never too late to take the splinterlands plunge. Although to be honest it is a bit of a money sinker at first!

When Hive was over 3 I had the same feelings. I was thinking, now this is what is should be like!

!PIZZA

Them there packs reel you in the bastards. If I see one more Pelicor Mercenary I'll throw the laptop out the window. He's their sacrificial lamb. They won't be laughing when I level 400 of him up and he has the retaliate! No siree

Hahaha!! I kept getting the crap one that looks like a fat Yoda!! Damn these common cards!!! More legendaries and epice please!! !PIZZA

The fat yoda isn't bad. I'm working with a motley crew of misfits at the moment bringing them up to speed. I feel like Pepe Guardiola taking over at St Mirren.

Lol, there are also the weird colourful vagina looking ones. Keep getting them. We all need to channel a bit more Pepe!!

I spent the last 5 minutes looking down through the chaos legion trying to find the vagina like. Can't get past Goblin Tower. I shall speak to the wife around the naming rights to her lady bits.

Hahaha that’s awesome, the little minions are good luck! Not a bad card either, though better for renting but made it worth it! You receive any other GF legendary cards in the other packs? I got lucky and snapped 2!

I was thinking the renting might be its best use.

It was the only GF Legendary that I got. I was gutted! 2 is good, did you buy lots of packs?

Taraz is a little burned, I bought 100 and got the 2 GF leg's, he opened 1500 or something and got 2 lol

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I did get some insane fucking luck with that though! I got a GF Epic as well!

https://peakd.com/@cmplxty/chaos-legion-packs

That is lucky and I can understand the annoyance there!

I never even got any Epic GFs. Just rares, Igot a fair number of them but boo, not what I wanted

Gotta love the luck of the little ones, my boys the same. I can open packs and boxes till the cows come home and get complete shite, then he can open one and get something awesome. It's gotten to the stage I let him open everything. Seems to work cause even when I get a load of shit he gets excited and it cheers me up

That is gonna be my strategy, she loves opening them so much it makes me happy regardless of what she will get!

!PIZZA

Yep, she deserves to be appointed as your official card opener.
Only remember that kids need their sleep and she will not be happy when you wake her 2am in the mornings to open cards :)

Give her some healthy !PIZZA

If she is having the !PIZZA then she ain't getting anywhere near my laptop! hehe

Time for you to develop a "Wet and Wipe" Tissue coin so we can give it to her with the pizza to keep her golden finger clean :)

Crazy that someone will rent a digital card. I still don't understand Splinterlands.. but it sounds like congratulations are in order..

I wish I had been renting out my cards way earlier as I had no idea it was a thing either. I cant imagine ever doing it but it actually pulls in some bucks a day!

!PIZZA

Royal pay back for giving in to make your child happy.

... and just enough to make you go back over and over and over to try to do it again.

LOL ! Good job !

Hahah, I have broken my rule of a couple of packs a day and been buying more trying to chase that hit!

SEE ! Devine Child Intervention.... otherwise you would have missed that pack !

But now I am wondering if it was divine or a darker intervention because I am hooked on chasing the buzz!

Awesome!! I quickly checked how much it was valued.
$465 smackers!

Wow, I never knew you were into Splinterlands !! She definitely has holy fingers.

I am a lurker on the Splinterlands front. I do like buying them cards and I will be enlisting her help in opening any further ones!

!PIZZA

And discover gems while lurking....

Hehe, its the name of the game!

Lady Luck comes in all sizes lol. She's well worth two ponies :)

I was awfully pleased! I know it is all predetermined and all that but it was smashing to see!!

!PIZZA

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Learn more at https://hive.pizza.

!PIZZA
!BEER

Raar!! Cheers!

I am making a small fortune on Splinterlands… so many new millionaires every day. It’s incredible.

It's a pretty good earner!!

Best ever …. Turned $100 into $20,000

Nice work, you are laughing then!

Absolutely. I have a whole bunch of free Gods tokens now too. I hope they head to the moon.

Splinterlands was the best way to become a millionaire

Awesome!! I quickly checked how much it was valued.
$465 smackers!

So a virtual level 2 gold foil Soul Fiend game card costs approximately my total monthly income in real life. Nice. Putting the joke aside, this world is so fucked up. Especially the governments with the financial discrimination. I live with multiple disabilities under the local minimum wage in Hungary. The local minimum wage would be approximately $550 USD per month, but the government does not care about it. They intentionally do this. They intentionally keep us (mostly the disabled and pensioner, but even some of the healthy) people under the local minimum wage.

Greetings from Hungary.

It seems all governments are headed this way. The time of oppression is coming once again. If indeed it ever left. At least you are making headway into the world of crypto and it is likely you will break away from what your government deems you deserve

Sure everyone can play Splinterlands…. Uncle Aggy says so. Good interview here:

Yes yes, she can have 3 ponies if she wants!!

Yeah, everyone can play and just now is a dashed good time to start!

Great interview. Thanks for sharing @azircon 👍