What have you got there?
The Good Lady peered at me curiously from where she sat, cross-legged on the floor attempting to change the batteries in one of the kid's toys.
I looked disparagingly at the heaving mess of plastic pieces in her hands to realise that this would be another toy beginning its journey to the great playhouse in the sky.
This, my lady. Is the most special of things.
I hefted the package up in the air and gave it a little twirl.
It was a small box, deceptively light for the awesomeness it contained.
The Good Lady thumped the thing that looked as if it might have been a car or a robotic horse at one time down on the floor exasperatedly.
She held up a small screwdriver and glanced at me beseechingly.
No can do, baby girl. Not today. Nuh huh.
I zoomed the parcel I was holding past her head several times making whooooar noises like a Tie Fighter chasing a rebel X-Wing to a squirty laser doom.
Come on then, what is in the parcel?
Her voice had an edge to it like an old knife.
This my darling... is ... The Spark Mini Guitar Amplifier!!
A barrage of trumpets tootled in my head and a holy light surrounded the box and myself like a halo.
In real life, however, the Good Lady just sat there, screwdriver in hand and her head cocked to one as if I was a clown wearing a suit made out of cubes of pork meat and she was a hungry dog.
The what? It's tiny, how can it be an amplifier? All your other amps are big.
She trilled confusedly like a frog in a pillowcase.
I chuffled amusedly to myself. Ah the folly of non-guitar players and their silly non fingering finger ways.
It's teeny weeny!! That's the whole point! It's portable!!
With that I set to unboxing the legend that was The Spark Mini.
Look Madam at this splendid device. It has ten watts of stereo output and is battery powered with an estimated play of approx 8 hours between charges. Coupled with the Amp and effects modelling software it is capable of more tones than you can shake a stick at.
I lowered it to the ground and ferreted about for my wireless guitar dongle.
Hey, what are you doing? It's your turn to pick the kids up from School today and wait, arent you also meant to be working?
The Good Lady stood up and looked confused as if she had bought a pet dog and was only realising now that it was a mongoose and she kept thinking, wait a minute, I was sold a pup?!.
Pfftt. Pick up the kids? Work? Baby, there is guitar to be played.
I picked up my guitar and started to strum.
And incredibly, all wars ended and peace reigned throughout the world.
At this point I really would normally have a video of me playing like a demon albeit a bit of a shit one. Sadly though, there are mentally ill folk prowling the good posts of hive being abusive to folk so for the moment I shall refrain. Normal service will resume soon!