Hard at Twerk

in #life5 months ago


I flirt with everyone. I think that helps when relationship building.

Saltfish-Sheila laughed and smiled at her laptop camera, tossing her head to one side in a way that reminded me of the way one of my ex-girlfriend's used her teeth to tear the meat from the rotting carcasses of her enemies.

Despite the mental image of her ravening the flesh of the fallen, I laughed too.

Yeah, I find myself doing the same thing. If it works then why not?

I chuckled.

We were doing internal interviews for a Test Analyst. I have had shits that could do a better job than some of the Testers I have worked with so felt happy to be on the interview panel for once to sort the wheat from the chaff.

My main criteria was someone who a) wasn't an arsehole and b) was not entirely brain dead so it wasn't a high bar.

So far Saltfish-Sheila had answered everything perfectly. I had already decided she was getting the job but I had noticed that El-Jefe who was my ride-along didn't seem particularly happy.

He scowled fiercely at her last reply as if discovering that his favourite sock to masturbate into was not 100% cotton but instead, a cotton/polyester mix.

I tutted inwardly, he wasn't being very Christmassy.

Thank you for your time. We will be in touch.

He growled and disconnected.

I bade my goodbyes also then clicked accept on El-Jefe's incoming call.

Well, she's not getting the fucking job is she? Fuck sake.

He snarked at me accusingly as if I had resurrected the Hive Torch and passed it to him.

Eh, oh come on now Boss Dawg. She ticks all the boxes. I thought she was quite good and I have worked with her in the past, she would be great.

I neglected to mention that she was also hotter than a bag of burning cats, just in case it made me look a tad unprofessional.

I didn't like all that stuff, you know? Rrrgh??

El-Jefe made an odd noise like the sound of someone in leather trousers sitting on a beanbag.

What stuff? She answered everything fine.

I had a quick check of her answers from the sparse notes that I had taken. I hadn't written much. Being a maverick, I didn't like to take too many notes. My preferred modus operandi was to be more like a seventies cop shaking down some hoods on the east side.

All that talk of flirting. Outrageous.

El-Jefe fizzed gently like an out of date effervescent vitamin pill in the rain.

Oh, I get you. You were annoyed because she never flirted with you?

I nodded knowingly and threw in a condescending smirk.

What, no the fuck? What do you mean by that? I don't want flirting in the office? No. She was dead wrong. You are dead wrong!

His protestations only dug him further into the cotton/polyester wank-sock of bitterness.

Aw, Poor boss man. Nobody's flirting with you! Do you want me to flirt with you?

I started swaying to an invisible sexy beat and singing If you think I'm sexy...

What are you doing? Stop that? Stop that?! Oi! Oi! Enough!!

I stopped and winked at him.

Come on then. Give her the job and I promise I won't twerk you next time I see you in the flesh.

I giggled in a Friday-afternoon-is-almost-done deranged way.

What? What's a twerk?

He puffed in genuine puzzlement.

Google it.

He shook his head and tapped at his laptop. His mouth fell open and his eyes bulged like hernias.

Uh?! What the hell? BoomDawg!?

He pushed back from his seat and looked around him desperately as if hoping to see the ever descending neon code of the matrix.

Whatdya say then, Will you give her the job?

I started to hum If you think I'm sexy again.

Arrgh, stop that?! Fine, fine. She can have it. But it's on you.

He grunted and disconnected, no doubt to get his lad out and peruse a few twerky twerky videos.

I sighed and leaned back.

Ahhh, I do like a Friday.


Flirting? Twerking??

That's where I went wrong.

It's quite hard I found. Also incredibly unbecoming for a gentleman :0D

Sister Brenda Marie would be so proud of you, for she was very much in favor behavior that was befitting.

Besides, I'm pretty sure that there have been a few pulled muscles along the way, learning twerking when flirting alone just wouldn't work. Good thing I don't have to rely on that.

He growled and disconnected.

Like my mobile internet connection at every step. 😂

Hahaha, I like it!!!


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I did a wee bit of flirting tonight.

Got me nowhere.

But at least it was unrelated to work!

Non work flirting is the best flirting!

I would flirt with a tree stump I can be so bad for it, hahaha!


It would be dangerous to flirt at work. The ladies are all married to men who are at least as well armed as I am.

Yeah, that works be a no no. The worst we have to deal with here is people peeing in your butter :0)

hotter than a bag of burning cats

You've had personal experience with this I take it?


A man should burn all things lest he live in the darkness that is lack of knowledge.



I know you just made that quote up.

What?!?! That is preposterous!! Take that back!!

I love making up quotes :OD

Damned be the man who puts words in the mouth of another.

Marcus Aurelius

Ah, Aurelius! The master indeed. Next to Seneca of course. As he so eloquently put it-

Lead not your soldiers by promise of gold. Lead instead with vittals and nib

Bah. I will see your Seneca and raise you a Claudius:

Fuck Seneca.

Oho!!! So it is the big guns now!!! Then I have to deal my ace... Aphrodite... Aristotle!!!!

Take that Claudia!! And I know what I wrote!!

I flirt like Ross from friends


Well, he did get all the good looking ladies despite his flirting!!


Yes but he had to marry for that. Joie knew how to flirt, didn't even have to marry once.

Joey was the king. Who could ever forget How you doin? :0D

If you are for some Friends quotes, hiw about - "Be there for her"

It was a very quote worthy show!

He is going g to be looking for that sock after watching a few videos lol.

Hey what was wrong with the Torch?

Lol. Oh the torch. I liked the idea of the torch but I didn't like getting it repeatedly! It became a thing to dread


Okay I see. Yeah, I can see how getting it multiple times would be annoying or nerve wrecking. I got it once and was scared I would screw it up of get hacked and have the funds stolen or something. Lol

Yeah there was that and then the wondering about who to send it to that wouldn't feel the same as they had already had it!

Hahaha sounds like there was a circle of people that who received it more than their fair share. The novelty of the honor of being a trustworthy account probably wore off pretty quick. It was more like a game of hot potato "oh shit, here it comes again..."

I think it was like that. The first time was great and the second and third were like aahhhhh get it away! I did get a couple of comedy posts out of claiming to keep it right enough, lol


That is all XD

I find that perfectly acceptable!! :0D


lol... your tales I can only assume are based on real life, but they often feel so surreal to me. I guess being an entrepreneur far-removed from my corporate/retail/cubicle-days may have dulled my familiarity with stuff like this.

The world is often an over-serious concrete jungle. Hot people and flirting are welcome, in my world. 🙏

Its all the world should be, hot people and flirting! I like surreal, it is what keeps me sane :O)

I wouldn't mind if I could break free and do my own thing again but the perils of children rearing mean I am trapped in the game like one of those rats in a plastic box on someone's abdomen!


I totally agree, good sir. And haha, I imagine it does indeed. And who knows, maybe that's in the cards for you sometime down-the-road. Thanks for the pizza! 🙏

In a few months time when Saltfish-Sheila has settled into the place , you can tell her you got her the job by singing a Rod Stewart classic. I know a lad called Flood who got quite a good job after a panel of 3 interviewers asked him his weaknesses. "I can't drink whiskey" was his reply.

Hahaha, that's a fucking amazing answer!!!

I would give someone the job in a minute if they answered that!

I am not above telling someonei got them their job for nefarious purposes. Lol

Whatever it is, it's already all your fault !

How can you go downhill from there ??

Funny !

When you start at the bottom the only way is up!!


Ha ha … TikTok has the best Twerkers.

Lol. I will pretend I don't know that... But I do :0D

Everyone knows that. Everyone hates Tiktok. And everyone watches.

Haha, that's's totally true!

He scowled fiercely at her last reply as if discovering that his favourite sock to masturbate into was not 100% cotton but instead, a cotton/polyester mix.

Haha, masturbating with a sock, maybe a good idea. What about a bar of soap? 😁😁

Maybe a bar of soap in a sock!! Sudsy!! Lol.


How many interviewers? If its non video then fine, if so.., I would shrivel up and die. Its like being in a fucking court room with the prosecution cross examining.

Q: 'What is you greatest weakness?'
A: 'Interviews.. if you like what you see, it can only get better.'

Q: 'What is you greatest weakness?'

Hehe, my place has many flaws but a multitude of interviewers isn't one. We always max out at two. The internal ones are always fairly relaxed. I like being in the other side just so I can pick up tips for when I go for one :0)


I have only been on that side of the table once, with the boss. The candidates were both complete shit and I suggested to bossman not to take either. He did anyway, and I had to work with a twat who was blagging it for 3 months before they sacked him.

Oh man, I hate the blaggers! I have worked with a few and they are such entitled pricks. It's actually amazing how many shit people get through interviews

I see that your boss is entrusting you with more and more tasks, that means that you are an important person for him, leave the decision in your hands, trust you, I think it is good when this happens, but you must be careful and do not leave it to your hands a lot of work.
A hug

Yes indeed. The ultimate aim is to lessen the workload. At least, that is mine! Lol


You must be a pain in the ass when you want things done your way..

Who wanks in a socks sir??

Apparently Americans wank in socks. I find the thing hard to believe myself but I saw it in a movie so I can only assume it's true :0D


And they have the textures they prefer?

I think people are going nuts.

Heard also that wanking with left hand has a better effect.

Craziness everywhere.

Thanks for the puzza

If you lie on it till it goes numb it is better yet. Apparently. So someone said.. the world is going nuts :0)


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I was just wondering if you downvoted this post or if a trail you are following may be using it in this way on this post and others?


Hello. Yes indeed, I did downvote and not as part of a trail. I do all my downvotes manually. I haven't downvoted others by him for quite some time though?

That's too bad. A lot more effort went into that post than 5 of yours...

Really. The unfounded hijacking of a Scottish family's grief with no evidence to further his antivax agenda. Zero effort

Fuck off

The black art of hiring ....

There's always the balance of finding someone that the team will get along with while not upsetting the Ivory tower.

Back in the 90's, I hired a lad who was a little under qualified, but was able to impress me by telling a tale about how he helped the city improve their street line painters by essentially duct taping cardboard to the base so that the wind couldn't carry the paint away before it hit it's mark. His management (white hard hat) had tried to veto the idea since the cardboard was going to wear out too quickly especially if it got wet. So, he'd went to a grocery store and got a box that was waxed from the produce section.

On the same day, I turned down an applicant who met all of our requirements, and had previously worked on the Space Station Mir (in the early 80's, before it had launched). Unfortunately, he has no personality and didn't seem to know how to think for himself.

At the time, I had a team of about 30 and my highest priority was getting someone who was competent and would mesh with the team.

Since the internet is a wonderful thing .... I might have found a late Xmas present for El-Jefe.
A twerking, Bobble-Head Air Freshener for his office.