Don't Look

in #life7 months ago

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In the name of the wee man, yer looking grand, mate!

Announced Cornetto, my Irish friend, leaping forward and giving me a COVID-Care-Less man-hug.

Aye, you too, you mad fucker. How've you been?

I grinned at my old friend Cornetto. He had moved to Ireland about fifteen years ago and we hadn't seen much of each other since. He had just leapt from the train and despite our mask-wearing banditry we had recognised each other instantly in the busy Central Station.

Come on ya mad Irish bastard. Let's get a pint.

I gave him a punch on the shoulder and marched him out of the Station to the nearest Rock pub. Which was just over the road.
Do Rockers like trains? Is that a guilty secret of theirs?

So what's the craic with yew?
Craic is pronounced 'crack' and it is Irish for, well, let google explain it...

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Cornetto took a sip of his pint as we sat down at a grubby table and made a happy smacking sound with his lips as if kissing a dog with no ears.

I took a big swig of my own pint, a fine pint of West Beer.

What's with the accent, man? you're Scottish and yet you sound like a fucking spaniel chewing a sock?

It was true, I had only been in his company for mere minutes and already his grafted on Northern Irish accent was grating on me. If you are not familiar with the Northern Irish accent, it's like the sound of farty gas seeping out of decomposing kittens.

Which shouldn't really be a thing but he was Scottish. He had only gone over there for a job, not a voice transplant. Every time he spoke I could feel William Wallace spin in his tiny grave.

Ye cannae help it neither you can. It just creeps on, you, so it does.

He grinned, then his face fell.

So aye, as I said. I'm here for ma Da. Make arrangements for the funeral and all that.

He looked at the wall behind me as if it were very very far away for a few long seconds.

I raised my glass.

To your Dad mate.

Aye, cheers.

We clinked glasses and drank to the memory of fallen Dad's. I looked at a faraway wall myself for a long minute.

It's a rough time. If there is anything I can do just let me know?

I stuck out my jaw as if doing that chinny chinny bony thing you do on a lady's nethers when you are a teenager attempting to impress.

There is mate, I should have said. I have an appointment this afternoon to see him. I was wondering if you were free if you... You know?

Cornetto swirled the beer in his glass.

Of course mate, I will be happy to.

I raised my glass for a cheers whilst my insides gallumped up and down to the point where it felt like my liver was about to make a break for it and escape through my mouth.

Surely he didn't want me to come in with him? I didn't want to see another dead Dad. I had seen my own, I didn't like it. I had no desire to add to my collection of dead Dad's. Dead bodies are not the person you loved. And maybe it was the undertaker that I got for my folks but when I had a viewing of them before the funeral I thought the funeral parlour might be taking the piss such was the display he put on.

I should say though, dude. You don't have to have a viewing. You might just want to remember your Dad the way he was. I didn't like seeing either of my parents. In fact I often wish I hadnt.

It was true, I barely recognised my folks when we had our viewing. It was not the last image I wanted in my head.

Cornetto chuckled.

Ah, Boomy. You haven't changed a bit. Still that sensitive wee soul. It will be fine. It would be wrong not to! And don't worry, I will go in myself. It will be grand, say goodbye to the old feller properly!

He finished his glass, checked his watch and stood.

Come on, its nearly time.

I drained my glass too and together we left.


An hour later, Cornetto walked out of the undertakers. His face was pale and scored with grief and his step uncertain.

You ok, mate?

I asked carefully.

He sighed and looked up at the dark clouds above then back at me.

You're right. I should have just left it.

His Irish accent had gone.

I nodded.

Come on, lets go get drunk.

Sort:  

I've never understood the need to view the body.

When my dad passed, the body basically went straight to the hospital to the crematorium.

At the celebration of life, the urn was at the front of the room, surrounded by pictures and other objects that my dad had been involved in.

I remember laughing to myself at the number of people that complimented us on the urn. I guess it's a stress relief for some ...


On a more humorous morbid note.

My 90 year old Grandma was in the hospital for a surgery. My sister went to visit her in her room, but she was sleeping. So, my sister sat down and held her hand and chatted with her for about 15 minutes or so when the nurse came in.

What my sister didn't know was that my Grandma had passed away about an hour ago and the hospital was busy calling the immediate family (who hadn't managed to pass the message on to my sister).

My sisters first comment was ... I thought her hands were warmer than they usually are. She usually had very cold hands.

I never understood the need either, I was taken aback the first time with my Dad when the undertaker chap said when we went to pay some of the bill before the funeral of course, you would like to see him one last time. We have prepared the room for you.

I was like eh, looking about at my mum and my brother and we were all like, um ok then.

We didn't last long in there, he looked like Nosferatu and that was after they had attempted to make him look nice.

That is a very funny, not funny but you know what I mean tale. Hands warmer than normal, oh dear. It is totally humourous in a dark way!

!PIZZA

The next time the good lady presses her feet against your legs while in bed ... and her toes are freezing ... you can giggle to yourself and think ... well, she's not dead.

Lol, I will!! Although to be honest she is more of a kicker and a thrasher which always reassures me that the only person in imminent danger of death is me from her flailing limbs! :OD

hahaha. Excellent. If you are bruised, everything's fine.

If I am in any doubt I can count the bruises too and get a rough estimate of what year it is! lol


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What's with the accent, man? you're Scottish and yet you sound like a fucking spaniel chewing a sock?

Hahaha. 😂

I am Hungarian, and once I heard from a foreigner that speaking Hungarian is like speaking with hot potato in your mouth. Now which is worse, speaking with hot potato in your mouth, or speaking like a fucking spaniel chewing a sock? 😂

Haha, I dont think I have heard hungarian being spoken. I will have to go and see/hear this on YouTube! People have said similar about Scottish. It is quite a harsh tone!

!PIZZA

Woeful story full of jibes and fun, decomposing cat gas as an accent description had me on the floor. Yup times like these one has to cheer a friend up, sadly he did not take your advice.

Never go take that last look, remember those who went before you in the memories you have, who want to remember a stiff? Weeel that's mayhap just me!

@tipu curate

I am totally with you there. Remember them as they are and not as that cold lump that they put out on display for you. I am glad its not just me!

!PIZZA

No... not just you, thank my Mom she kept us far away from that, always said have a dance and a dram, do the Highland Fling around the room but not open caskets... Yeah I have avoided that all my life!

!WINE


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That is the way to do. The celebrating and the joy of remembering a life well lived. I will never do an open casket thing again if I get the chance. Avoid avoid avoid!! :OD

!BEER - I think I still have some!

Never argue that one! Avoid, avoid, avoided.... 🙃

I will go so far as to say RUN AWAY!!!!!!! ....

Sorry, out of BEER, please retry later...

I dislike open caskets although, I had someone pass at the height of Covid. A mass was said and a plaque was dedicated and installed on the back of the chair that he usually sat in the pub. It was heartwarming. He was cremated which I couldn't have ever imagined doing -but! I did this. It was incredible and now the beautiful red maple tree was vibrant with life and I love the fact of having a memory tree. Click below and take a look, I think you will like it.

I must say that I always loved paying respects, but, the older I get, the more I realize that the biggest respect I can pay to those I love is to visit them while they are alive. Tell them you appreciate them, tell them you love them, if appropriate, while they can hear you. Be there for them.

https://www.thelivingurn.com/pages/tree-zip-code

Oh thats lovely. I might do the same for my folks, there is bound to be something here like that. They are currently sitting in my brothers house ina pair of boxes. We have been mystified as to what to do with them.
The Good Lady's dad had a plaque installed on the bar where he always sat in his local pub. I thought that was quite a nice touch

That's two new words in two days for me, The Luckiest Guy I Know strikes again. My phone allowed me to misspLeL "title" last night. Damn thing had two T's which subsequently looked like a grammatical error in "titties." I was talking to a chic friend at the time so you could imagine my concern.

To my surprise (comma) however (comma) tittle is indeed a word (period) It was quite craic (period)

Well, there you go! I have learned a new word. I genuinely don't believe I have heard of tittle before and now I have looked at the meaning I don't believe I shall ever use it!

!PIZZA

LoL imagine the awkwardness when I meant to say titles and instead said tittles without knowing tittles a word

At least you werent running around saying titties without good cause :OD

Some people want to see dead body of their beloved ones. I don't know how much right it is. Some does not want to remember him/her like that, others want to see for the last time.

It's one of those personal choice things. It seems like the thing you should do but once you have you are like ewwwww no!

Mostly! ;O)

!PIZZA

Dead bodies are not the person you loved.

Absolutely agree, there's no spark of life anymore, not a view worth to remember. My Dad was the last one I saw like that.

It does seem like a good reason to get pished while drinking to life.

There are many good reasons to get pished I think and that is indeed one of the very best!

Yeah, never again. One of my other friends is an Irish Catholic and they have to spend a day or something in the same room as the open coffin. I can't remember why but he is still scarred by it

!PIZZA

they have to spend a day or something in the same room as the open coffin.

Think it is known as a 'wake'. Do not know either why it is like that. Not my thing.

Thanks for the pizza, will have it as a snack during Beer Thirstday this evening!

Cheers!

Beer Thurstday!! You know I think I will join you in that. I am chanking for a beer!

I like the wakes that are getting drunk in a pub and singing rowdy shanties!





Posted using Dapplr

Thats the one!

!BEER

Thanks for the beer mate!

This is not that a loud a song, but it'll do. 🎸
Let's drink some moa! 😁🍻
Slàinte!

Raar!! Moaahr! YEs indeed, almost there and then its time! For me at least!

Sorry, out of BEER, please retry later...

You know it's bad if it knocks the accent right out of you.

Also...

What's the chiny chiny bony thing?
Maybe I can learn a new move.

The Chinny Chinny bone thing.... I dont know if I can share, such a thing can only be passed among teens as the forge their way to glory! :OD

!PIZZA

That is fair. Probably not the kind of thing that you want to be immutable on the blockchain 😂

There are some things that blockchains should never know! lol

Funerals always scared me somehow. It just seems odd to look at a corpse. The dressing up of the body....I once took a peak while a friend had his grandmother buried...I walked out of the room, it was spooky. Now they make the coffin with built-in freezing stuff...I can' t look at it.

Ewww, freezers in the coffins. I think it would be preferable to be burnt on a pyre. Thats how I want to go, the opposite way!

Hahaha so funny as I think the same : burn it and throw it into the ocean. Way too much money is spent on fancy funeral stuff. Who cares, the dead is dead. And if they would by any chance come alive they would rather have those money go in a different direction. You see, people are to be appreciated and pampered while alive. Once dead it is good to honor them and remind yourself of their character and love. Pretty simple, funeral houses complicate it🤑

Simple funeral with a cardboard coffin then a burning. No need to spend a fortune. When my parents passed I was horrified at the cost of the funerals! If they had allowed it I would have had some natural burial somewhere! The ocean would be good, I mean everyone loves the sea. Imagine that as your final resting place. Awesome

Natural burial...oh yesss what a fantastic idea Boomy! My to go place would be a forest. Second the ocean. I wish more would think like us, the Planet would be better off without chopped wood for dead people

A forest, that would be awesome. I love being in forests. The only problem would be peoples dogs always seem to have a habit of digging up bones of buried bodies in forests. Can you imagine what it would be like if we could bury folk there on a whim? Dogs would be very very happy!

Oh yes, that would be an issue. Damn now I need my own private forest....the coffin looks cheap now lol.

When you can afford your own private forest then you have nothing to fear from death!

There is such a way to do that!

The hard way!

I think it's pretty mad strange to want to view dead bodies. It's not like they're there anymore. We had my father cremated when he passed and I wasn't even interested in the cremains.

Speaking of dead people, I'd say it's about time for !PIZZA and !BEER :)

All of mine were cremated although they did give us the ashes ina box and we still have them because frankly we are quite puzzled as to what to do with them!

There is both more and less than you would think!

Did someone say !PIZZA and !BEER !! :OD

I think you are supposed to take them to the top of Mt. Everest and scatter them to the wind.

Mount Everest, damn it. I say no. In this age of space travel I demand Elon takes me to Olympus Mons for the scattering!

I was unfamiliar with Olympus Mons until your comment here. Now I want to go climb it :) My mind is boggled.

Tis a beast eh! You are not alone in wanting to get up that one. And even better, there probably wouldn't be a pile of trash half way up! at first

I would totally volunteer for a one-way mission to Mars if it meant I could climb that thing. Hell I would probably even plant a flag and rename it to Mount McFukitol!

I would sponsor your volunteeringness for it! I can think if no better chronicler of mountains!

I can literally hear your VOICE in every word of this. Crazy to think you can write in a Scottish accent. But you can!

Cent eeven emaajn doinit!

👆 Epic fail...

Sorry about your friend's loss. And ya... bodies are eerie and vacant. Nobody there anymore.

HAhahahhahha, that is a very good impression. I have read it a few times out loud and thought, oh aye, he can do it!

Aye, best celebrate what once was and not what remains!

!PIZZA

So much good advice..... not taken.

Sometimes it seems like advice is there never to be taken but just to be admired and then ignored!

I guess it's a good thing.

When else do we get to say "I TOLD you SO !!

I have been guilty of that one myself many man times! It never gets old! WEll, until someone throws it right back at us!

Whats the craic @meesterboom? It's funny cause its true being Irish and all that. The Americans come and think we are asking them about cocaine and the like. It's a constant battle with those dam Americans with their proper English. I even got hit one time asking one of them if they had a fag.

Ah the fags. That still cracks me up to this day! I almost regret chucking the fags because it means I cant go out for a fag anymore :OD
!PIZZA !BEER

Going out for a aul fag. The number 1 reason for affairs in Ireland. Best to get a fagless girlfriend. Otherwise the paranoia would kill you!

Haha, it would!!

The amount of times I pulled outside a pub or a club when having a fag. IT was magic!

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Awesome. Thank you very much! :0D

I wear a big smile,for what you helped me the other day.and i think,it seems odd to see corpse just staying on the ground and not where it is meant to be.Funerals always scared me somehow and I don't like it at all.from the dressing up of the body....I once attended one some time ago,from a peak while a friend had his grandmother buried...I walked out of the room, it was scary and I tremble a bit. Now they make the coffin with built-in wood stuff...I only believe man have to be strong.that what I told my friend too

Yeah, it's a freaky thing. Something I now think to be avoided!!

You are welcome mate, everyone needs a little lift at the start to get enough RC for commenting and the like!

Yes,right sir

No sirs!! :0p

😁😁😁

I side with you on this one Boom. Best leave the memories unsoiled. Not a fan of viewings at all.

Yeah, viewings can go and hump themselves!

The same exact thing seems to happen to people who move to the south. They leave with a pleasant northeastern accent, then six months later they're y'alling this and y'alling that and twanging like a drunk country singer, it's annoying as fuck, haha!

I'm sorry about his papa. I felt the same when I saw my dad- not him, just a shell.

How the fuk can that happen, really? I keep my accent. Its mine. I hate that fitting in weirdness. It sounded horribly odd. He is lucky he doesn't get bullied from real Irish folk.

It is horrible eh, you realise that they are gone and that thing you are looking at is not him :O(

PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!

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