Been Away From Hive, Back With An Honest Rant

I don't know how it's been one week since I last wrote a post on hive. Oh wait, but I know why. I'm too tired at the end of the day to gather my thoughts together. Even on days when I'm able to finish work on time, I attend to other things and there's no time left thereafter.

Today is one of such days where I finished early enough but I immediately went to bed. I had been dozing off while working (which has been happening frequently lately) and couldn't wait to finish and get proper sleep. I get about 4 hours of sleep every night, I guess my body is fed up at this point.

I want to say that I'd try to get more hours, but that doesn't seem likely. I go to bed at about 11pm, toss and turn for at least 2 hours, eventually sleep, and have to be up by 5am. I don't like myself very much for this but I gotta do what I gotta do.

My body feels weird with all the dozing off, cold, tight knot feeling in my chest and even vomiting. I did vomit earlier in the day after an insect entered my mouth. I felt very uneasy and my gut was irritated, next thing, I was in the bathroom vomiting the heck out of me. I was scared that I had seen blood but it was just the cold and catarrh syrup I had taken earlier.

I was innocently living my life when my husband caught a cold and now he's well but he passed it on to me. I don't feel terrible because it's been treated immediately but my gut does feel like crap.

Speaking of crap, why are people so shitty? I don't get why some people lack actual manners and can't act appropriately. I had dressed up today, feeling really good and went to the bank to sort out some things. It was my first time at this bank and I ran into a familiar face.

It was someone I knew from the gym from last year and she stood there, looking like she had seen a ghost. First thing she said is, "what happened?", still looking at me, head to toe, stunned. In my head I'm like, "what the fuck you mean?"

Of course, I knew what she meant, I am bigger than she last saw me and she stood frozen, like it was the worst thing she had ever seen in her life. I wasn't offended but rather amused at this reaction. People have always commented on my weight since I was little and it means absolutely nothing to me, it was just very interesting to see how this person was being inappropriate at her own workplace.

I ignored her question and confirmed if she actually worked there because she looked like a staff, but she was more interested in my obvious weight gain. She took it up a notch and asked if I had a baby. I had to hold my laugh in and smiled instead because what the actual fuck?

In what world is that appropriate? I can excuse the older folks who make reckless remarks about people's weight because I've completely ruled out their chances of unlearning bad behaviour, it's the young people that amaze me.

In that moment, all I could see were her own insecurities. She would hate herself if she gained some extra weight like I have and she thinks I must be utterly miserable moving about like this. She couldn't even hide her feelings or contain her foolish thoughts.

I understand people and insecurities, I have my own insecurities too but weight gain has never and will never be one of them. I'm not insecure about it and I see no reason why someone I barely know should 'help' me be insecure or project their own insecurities on me.

Maybe if I put a sticker on my head that says I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and it is responsible for my frequent weight fluctuations, people would keep their opinions to themselves. But the thing is, no one has to know my story before they act appropriately with me.

I don't have to tell anyone that I barely eat as much as they do or that I gain weight going to the gym instead of losing, or the many other issues I have to deal with from having a metabolic condition.

I treat people decently not because I know their stories, but because it's the right thing to do. I really do not like that saying, "Treat people nicely, you don't know what they're going through". Fuck if you know what I'm going through? I don't even want to know what you're going through, I have my own shit to deal with but I will never be rude and condescending to anyone.

The gag is, I look good at whatever size my body decides to go with and right now, I absolutely love how I look. If society's standard is a determinant for how people view their own weight, it's not for me.

I walked into that bank feeling really good about myself, I left feeling good even after that rude encounter. I don't have a problem, shitty people do.

This was basically how my day went and I thought to share as I recall the event. I'm lounging right now, happy about not doing anything this night. I'd shower, do my skincare and hopefully, fall asleep early tonight so I can wake up refreshed.

By the way, it's PCOS Awareness month this September, and I thought I'd mention it because I haven't had time to make my Awareness post yet. Here's the Awareness post I did last year, do check it out if you're a woman and have no idea what PCOS means.

Thanks for reading 😊

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