I Should Be Sleeping

I should be sleeping. Allowing my body to rest and my mind to dream. Today was quite hectic, I awoke late and because of it, my morning was rushed. Rushing is not something that I like to do. I much prefer easing myself into the day. But alas it was not to be. After a breakfast of hot porridge myself and my two eldest daughters, made our way into town.

It’s gotten quite a bit cold now, especially in the mornings, as though someone just flipped a switch and winter arrived. Which I really don’t mind, as long as I am prepared. As in being appropriately dressed. The mornings and nights are cold, but the afternoons can be quite warm. Layering works best for this.

Town is always busy on a Thursday as it is market day. After dropping one of my daughters off with a friend, my eldest and I headed to the market. I like to get my fruit and veg from local growers, a family I have been buying from for the past few years. They greet me warmly and I buy what I need.

I am buying more produce of late, as I am no longer active in the garden, but hopefully that will change soon, as I have been feeling out of sorts for a while now. No doubt because my hands are not working with the soil.

Today is the day I plan to move my truck, to a different spot on the land, so my aim was to spend just a short time in town. But this also does not go as planned and I find myself helping out a friend, which I am more than happy to do.

I also really enjoy having time, just for me and my eldest daughter. I’m really trying to have more one on one time, with the three of them. I know how important that is. Trying to just let somethings slide, so that I can prioritize the time I have. Without letting myself become overwhelmed.

But as I stood outside today, surveying my home and the belongings I have gathered, which is mostly plants and outdoor furniture ( with an emphasis on the plants), it was hard not to feel overwhelmed. Thinking of what I still have to do and what I would really love to achieve.

Whilst holding everything else at bay. Aware that my girls bare witness to how well I deal under pressure. Which varies really, but one thing that I always do, is share how I am feeling. Letting them know if I am frustrated or exhausted, I feel this is the best thing for them and for me.

I’m not a feckin super hero, who can just breeze through each day, with no cracks appearing. I have some mighty big cracks and I ain’t afraid to share them. I just want to be real with them and not have them growing up wearing rose tinted glasses, thinking life is a piece of cake.

It is many things. Amazing, frightening, exhilarating, exhausting, adventurous, painful and so much fun, plus so much more. Today I think I experienced it all, leaving me feeling drained, but also pretty impressed with how the day actually turned out and how much I actually managed to get done.

Now I just need to sleep, so that I can awake refreshed tomorrow and finish off what I started.