I couldn't help but notice something wasn't right in conversation between two people near me. As I worked on the wires, I was distracted by their conversation and the fact that no one was really listening. That baffled me, but I would only reflect on it later on to realise some truths about myself.
I don't remember how that conversation ended, but it was unproductive to me. While one person was speaking, the other person would abruptly interrupt and "quickly" say something but eventually hijack the conversation from there. Again, one person would be speaking but need to raise their voice the moment the other is about to interrupt, just so they could at least finish first.
Being an observer, I realised how the lack of active listening was making it unproductive. But then I thought to myself, "Hold up. But is there any way I do this?" In that moment of stillness, I held up an introspective mirror to assess myself.
I am always thinking. And in a conversation or not, I'm always having some thoughts. That's how I would even be able to understand or contribute to a conversation. The real question, however, is: am I listening enough to process the right thoughts? And then I realised that not only is active listening very powerful, but that conversations also exist with self and that it applies there.
The funny thing is that we innately want to be listened to—our complex wiring makes us so—but we can also forget that the other person also wants that. Sometimes issues just seem to dissipate for some people just by listening to them, or they could get more clarity on it.
Someone just stormed in at me one time and just began to pour out what was in their mind. I stopped to listen, and then they just went on and on and on. And when they were done, they said to me, "Whoo. Thank you for listening to me, man. I needed to express myself and assess those thoughts." And then they left feeling much better.
Honestly, I wasn't in the mood to listen for so long and to complex mathematical equations because I was dealing with my own issue in that moment. At many points, I wanted to suggest that the "expressions" be adjourned, but I held on a bit and thought, "You know how you feel when you're totally listened to. Give that to someone, right here and now."
Do I listen to myself, though? That's another question, and a very important one. There are ways I don't listen to myself. My body tells me to check in with my health, but I'd be too involved with other seemingly important things. Feelings are products of thoughts, so if I feel this way, what am I thinking?
Stillness, then awareness. Taking a moment to look around and within, listening to what's there to see clearer and think better. Time alone, reassessing myself, and in the midst of people, wielding the power of active listening. Being more mindful of this, I LEARN more.
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There was a time, I was a terrible listener, I think it was because I get bored of listening to a particular thing for a long time, but i think I have been working on that and these days, I have been a bit great at listening.
Active listening would even help one know what their body needs.
Great post.
I can relate to that. What I have found more interesting than talking is the things you can discover by just listening. Some people just reveal themselves, and it can be very helpful... Feel me?
Yes I do. Moreso, majority of people just needs people to listen to them.
True, that
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Awesome. Thank you
Pouring your heart out to someone is the best, it might not solve your problem but you'll feel less heavy at heart.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post.
Indeed. Some people just need someone to listen, and that's alright.
Yea, you get the point.
I do agree with you. Just by gifting someone the presence of listening can do wonders in helping them gain clarity. Most times people just want to talk and know that someone is listening to them
It reminds of something Dale Carnegie said, a situation where a lady had a conversation with a man, but during the entire conversation she was the one speaking and the man just listened, actively.
At the end, she was happy and called the man a great conversationalist. Meanwhile he didn't do or even say much.
Yes! That's a familiar story from his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. There were many anecdotes like that, and Dale elaborated with such examples how listening can do much. Read any other from Dale?
Oh yeah
I got a book on public speaking written by him but I haven't finished reading it.
Hmm... Surely I have seen that somewhere around at home. Nice