I rarely do year-end reflections. It's not my thing. I usually just keep everything in the back of my mind. New Year resolutions? It ends up changing after a month, so why bother?
The year 2021 was different. Besides the ongoing covid pandemic since last year, my personal experiences and the Super Typhoon that just recently hit us, it was one damn hell of a ride! That I could honestly say is true. And so, here I am to find time and space to finally deduce these wandering thoughts about my epic roller coaster ride in 2021.
There are a lot of "End of the Year" journal prompts in the internet but when I stumbled on this one for the first time, I knew I'll be using this guide to focus my thoughts into substantial writing of my life-changing experiences this year.
Rediscovering my true self all over again. And they say it's a journey of a lifetime. There are parts of me in the past that no longer resonates with who I am right now. When I see old photographs, I would caught myself saying "That's the old me." And that made me realize how I've changed and grown over the years.
This year a lot of triggers and events have pushed me to go deeper with myself - to start looking for those past wounds that needs healing, to check in as to why I react and do certain things, to ask bigger questions like "how can I evolve in my spiritual journey" or "how can I move past old negative patterns and relationships".
Part of this rediscovering myself journey was embracing the good and bad in me, my strengths and weaknesses, my uniqueness, my character and personality. A friend told me that I easily quit or give up, that I don't stick to something especially the traditional job. 😂 Well, it was never for me and I've come to full terms with that. I'm that person who loves trying out new things, hobbies, and adventures and move on once I had enough with that. And that is okay because that is who I am.
Creativity and Freedom were the highlights this year. I never thought I would enjoy editing videos. I never thought writing was another way of storytelling which I enjoy too. I never thought I would have fun with DIY photoshoots at home. I never thought I would enjoy again organizing events or trips. I never thought learning to dance at my age was damn fun and therapeautic. I never thought freediving would give me inner peace and a different perspective about myself. All these somehow led me to rediscover how creativity is vital to who I really am and the ability to express my authenthic self without barriers was the freedom I've always wanted.
Being selective of people I choose to be with. I used to be a social butterfly and very engaging with others in school and in work. But I realize this have pros and cons. I easily absorb people's energies because I'm an empath. I didn't know how to protect my energy and my peace. I get caught up easily with other people's drama to the point that it sucks the life out of me or I become toxic as well.
Doing a remote job this year was a blessing in disguise. Less anxious and no longer stressed out. I no longer have to deal with people's BS anymore. Being alone is far better than being with people I don't have meaningful relationships with.
Since then I've asked the Universe to remove the people in my life that no longer serve my highest good and purpose. Sure, I still talk to those old friends I've built true and lasting relationships but I've been longing to find and meet my tribe whom I can share and learn about things I am passionate with, whom I can connect at a deeper level. I have also been discerning with the new people I interact with. I do have the ability to sense if people have good or bad intentions or if the person have a positive energy or not.
Somehow, I'm blessed to be in companionship with @ybanezkim26 and @discoveringarni this year. It has been another eye-opener for me in terms of building real connections and geniune friendship. I've opened myself to new people I never have thought I would meet - in person and in Hive. But I know that people come and go - most of them to teach us important lessons we needed to learn in this lifetime.
If there was one thing that help me get through 2021 - it was HIVE.
For someone who quit her corporate job without a backup plan with this covid shit going on - Hive was a blessing. All thanks to @ybanezkim26 ofcourse. I won't go into further details but if it wasn't for him and Hive - I'm probably a lost cause by now. 😂
I simply started by writing again about my travel stories, then it went on to meeting other Hivers here at my place, to being given the opportunity to help out in curating for @lovesniper and @ocd, then to onboarding new people to Hive. All these I didn't expect to happen. I would be lying if I won't say that I'm now earning sufficiently here in Hive. Somehow, a couple of months after joining Hive this year, I never thought it would become my full time job to the point when people ask me what I'm doing for a living - I simply say HIVE. 😅
Sorry but I have to mention more than one empowering event. And I'm not sure if these events are even empowering for they involve negative experiences. There were two major events that stuck with me the most this year.
Mid year, I and @ybanezkim26, somehow got associated with a fellow local Hiver of whose name no longer need mentioning. Despite the initial gut instinct telling us something was off, and calling us "close friends" even just after meeting for the first time, we continued our support as long as using @ybanezkim26 word's "it was all for Hive". However, the real intentions became clear later on and didn't align with my values and principles. For someone who has been in the blockchain for a while, that Hiver should have known better.
Things got pretty tensed up, my normal reaction to such situations was to back off and remain quiet. However, I cannot for my own sake remain silent and pretend that everything was ok especially having being able to meet and engaged with that Hiver in person. It took me a while to get the courage to do something about it. Once I was able to speak my truth, I decided to cut all connections and communications with that Hiver for my peace of mind.
No worries, I've finally moved on. It's just that this event made me realize to fucking trust my intuition about a person. The hell with "give that person the benefit of the doubt". At this point of my life, there will no longer be "in-betweens" in discerning if a person deserves my trust, my time and energy. Also, speaking up my truth for the first time was painful but liberating. I never have thought how fearful I was until I did that. Fearful of being criticized and ridiculed. Fearful of being wrong. This fear somehow was illuminated by this very event. Somehow this fear is an old programming in my subconscious which I'm still working on.
I finally understand what my Aunt (now in Heaven) meant when she used to tell me "Speak your Truth".
This is all about romance so you may skip this part but I promised myself to write about it someday and perhaps this is finally the time to do it.
To cut the story short, I met a guy online. He was different - smart, mature and open. What I like about us was the honesty and openness in our communication. We made it clear from the start what we were looking for and agreed that we'll get to know each other first virtually for the mean time since he was in Canada and I'm here in the Philippines. We were compatible in many ways but we both know its different once you get to know the person in real life. So we were both contented with video calls and messages.
A year went by since we started talking and somehow he became my constant virtual companion. He even cried with me when I told him news of our pet dog's death. Mid 2021, we both went through life-changing experiences and we had to focus on personal things like career and family. I would be lying if I wouldn't say I didn't cry because of misunderstanding and fading communication. We did talked and compromised but we both knew we changed and our priorities as well.
I could no longer prolonged the anxiety and agony. I could no longer continue wondering if things will be better. After the first failed attempt last August, I finally called it quits mid November. And I impulsively enrolled in boxing classes which will be a different story.
When I close doors with any romantic partners, I make sure to have a proper closure. In that way, there won't be regrets and words left unspoken. After which, I cut all forms of communication. Harsh? For me it isn't. Its for our sanity and peace of mind.
As I mentioned earlier, I know some people are just meant to teach us important lessons in life and once they have done their part, the universe will orchestrate for our paths to separate. And it is always advisable not to force things that are longer meant to be.
Now, I choose to be single but somehow I never found myself lonely. I guess the universe made sure that this year was all about self introspection without distractions and now I'm fully committed to it. Am I still open for love? Ofcourse but this time I will let it happen naturally. No longer looking, searching nor longing. I've learned that it's best to heal and love myself first and the rest will follow.
To be honest, I don't have three adjectives to describe my year. But I can sum up my year into three words...
Thank you for even making it this far. I greatly appreciate it. I hope this year was a bit kind to you or perhaps...not. 😂 Share to me your epic, unbelievable or life changing moments this year!
Cheers, and Talk to you in 2022!
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