I’m sure you’re wondering why I named all of these occasions and holidays right? Don’t worry, it will all make sense soon.
I come from a family who loves giving gifts. We never went to a birthday party, wedding, baby shower etc. without a gift to give.
I know this may sound crazy but sometimes I didn’t show up at events because I didn’t have a gift to give. I just felt bad showing up empty handed. That’s how we were raised; to always bring a gift even if we had to handcraft one ourselves.
On the flip side of that this caused me to always expect a gift from my parents on special occasions. My siblings and I knew that we would always receive some kind of present from them on our birthdays, graduation and all of those days we consider to be special.
I haven’t met anyone yet that doesn’t like to receive gifts. It never got old for me to open them and even to this day I still get an exciting rush when I receive things. I love getting something new that is just for me.
Especially when it’s something I don’t have to share with my kids lol! I tell them it’s mine, mine, mine. 😝
After my dad retired things drastically changed. There was no more getting gifts for every special occasion. We started receiving a gift for combined occasions. 😩
It became
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!
They would tell us it’s been a rough year so we would get one nice gift for the rest of the year and it would be for our birthday and whatever holiday was next. 😄
Of course back then when I was younger I didn’t take it well. When you get a child use to getting gifts on certain days (to where she, meaning I, would count down and calculate the days remaining) it’s gonna take a minute for her world to make sense again. I remember thinking it would only last for a short time and then things would get back to normal again.
It had to right? Gift giving on every occasion was our family’s tradition.
So much my young mind didn’t understand. The responsibilities and struggles parents went through were like an invisible world to me. All I saw was what my parents were able to do, I didn’t understand nor cared to see the ways in which they were limited.
As of today my parents still combine gifts when necessary. Only now in my adult life it’s sounds more like
Happy Birthday and Mother’s Day!
My parents loved to make us feel special. It brung them so much joy seeing big smiles on our faces as we opened up presents from them. I love how they always strived to make sure we had something new to cherish on our special days.
Of course now as an adult I understand better why things changed the way they did. Realistically you may not always have the monies on hand to gift people with something for every event that takes place.
When I look back it was so ridiculous of me to miss events just because I didn’t have something to give. My presence, me showing up and showing that person I wanted to be there with them to celebrate should have been good enough. My husband had to help me with this, I had it so bad.
I love showering people with gifts when I’m able to but I don’t feel bad anymore when I can’t.
I can only give when I have to give. I can only do what I’m able to do.
I even pulled one of my mom and dad’s combined gift giving moves on them this year. I said
Happy Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Anniversary!
It was during a really tight budget time so it called for it. They surely didn’t mind because it was a nice gift. 😆
I have learned not to expect anything but appreciate everything that is generously given to me.
Well, now the cover photo should make sense to you. 😁
Celebrating the occasions you mention and more, both with food and gifts was a very strong tradition in my family and extended family. I carried that on until it started to change in my thirties. I'm not sure why I slowly started to lose interest, there were a lot of factors. One of them was that I started to resent the expectations around this. I felt that if anyone gave me a card and/or gift, I had to return it. Especially with the December hoilday.
I thought why can't someone give/not give depending on what they chose to do. I also thought, why can't I give someone a gift, make something for them, or do something for them without it being tied to a holiday or celebration? I transitioned completely away from celebrating any holidays, other than a verbal exchange when it was appropriate. What I've done now for several years, is to give freely in whatever way I can, whenever I can and to do it with "no strings attached". That has brought me a great deal of happiness.
YES!!! I agree @nineclaws. I totally avoid "occasion gifts". People need to be reminded that they are unique and special for NO reason. Why do the commercially motivated holidays need to cause both giver and receiver stress in the anticipation of gifts?
I totally agree @buckaroobaby! This is one of the reasons why we don't celebrate Christmas in the commercial way the world does. As a Christian we celebrate Christ daily anyway but seeing how stressful everyone gets about getting certain gifts for this holiday and receiving the gifts they "want" is really crazy.
😂, love your enthusiasm!
I've often wondered if it was designed that way. I don't think this was the way it always was. I think a person can always choose to walk away and set a new path though.
When I look back at the holidays shared in the past, the only thing of value that I remember was sharing that time with others and sharing in food together....the shared experience.
@Nineclaws I feel the exact same way. Due to the fact I felt "obligated" to always give a gift, I missed out on so much because of that. I'm not even sure if people really would have been sad or disappointed that I didn't bring a gift but I always thought that's what my expectations were. Being raised in that way did make it hard for me and still today I struggle with this.
This right here 👆🏽 is the reason we do things different in our household and are raising our children differently from how I grew up. We always tell my family you don’t have to wait until a holiday to gift our kids. If you want to gift them do it throughout the year. We don’t celebrate Christmas in the commercially traditional sense, I don’t want to raise my children with these certain expectations because I know how it affected me in a negative way.
Love this! This is how it should be anyway. Giving without expectations just because it’s what you want to do.
Thank you so much for sharing this insight ~
Yes, that awful "obligation". It's not enjoyable at all. I'm sorry you've missed out on so much. You would have also been missed and I'm willing to bet, it's your company that mattered more than any gifts. Each of us tends to be best at making our lives difficult in various ways. It takes time to shift things and it's never easy. I think it's important to be kind and gentle with oneself in the process.
I love the way you've changed how you are with your own children because of your experiences. That's beautiful. That's taking something painful and using it to grow into something new.
It brings me such contented happiness, even with the smallest little thing I have the opportunity to do. Sometimes it's a stranger I will only see once, which is kind of fun.
You're most welcome, I do love to chat with you, always enjoyable.
Thank you so much. I admit it feels great to be able learn from those experiences and use that to teach my kiddos. I feel like I'm helping them avoid so much disappointment.
That's awesome of you. I know what you mean about it being fun when giving to a stranger :)
I really love our chats too. So sorry to get back to our convo so late. I’ll be visiting you soon to see what you’ve posted about lately ~ ❤️
That's so wonderful in my eyes @crosheille.
It is fun and it feels very natural in the moment, since it's not planned.
No worries on being slow to come back. I do that too. I haven't posted anything for a little while. Had to take a time out to attend to real life. I plan to get something up this week though, lol. I've been making a sheepskin shearling tunic with a lined hood. All hand sewn, since a machine would never cut it. I'm saying this since I was thinking of yarn lately, yarn sitting there asking to be something. Instead, I'm sewing, LOL. ❤️
Was I the only one reading your title and going "HUH??!!!!" While I agree with you about everyone loving gifts. My favourite gifts are the no-reason-just-because-I-love-you gifts. I love giving gifts because I feel strongly that someone needs something. We aren't big into birthdays and we don't celebrate any of the usual holidays (if it doesn't line up with Scripture we don't do it - and those that are in Scripture, like Passover and Tabernacles do not require gifts) But I find myself giving gifts more often because everyone needs NO reason to be reminded that they are created unique, special and I would like to give them a spoil
Hahaha! I'm sure you weren't the only one with a question mark. It's good to know my mission was accomplished. 😄
I have grown to love these kinds the most as well.
Yes!! Our household is the same way. My husband had to help me with this because this was a HUGE part of my life for so long and well anticipated tradition. When the Lord actually revealed and showed me some truths it was mind blowing and disappointing (the truth I saw and the fact I had to let some things go). It was sad for me at first that I knew I couldn’t raise my kids in the same way but the fact that they receive gifts throughout the year (just because) is so much better then having all of these expectations programmed into them. They appreciate things more when it’s coming from us just because.
Love this! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. Although I’ve come a long with the way I handle and think about gifts, it’s still very encouraging and helpful hearing from other like minded individuals about this ~
Hello @crosheille . Most of the time i don't give gifts and don't receive. Of course I like to give gifts, but sometimes i don't have the money or don't have Time to bought it. And it's strange when I receive a gift, I think is because the same. I don't give gifts. 😂
Any way some years ago, i gave a gift a friend do with my hands a amigurumi. When I saw her excited eyes, i smile and my heart grow up like the Grinch 😅
She said me it was a special gift because i did it for her... That day I learned that is not necessary money to give a gift.
Sorry for my mistakes, i don't use a translator.
This is wonderful @tibaire! You are so right, you don't have to have money to give a gift. I've seen people love and appreciate handmade gifts more than the ones that are purchased. Those types of gifts truly come from the heart and show you were really thoughtful of a person for taking the time out to make something special just for them.
Thank you so much for your input on this ~
Lovely story, I grew up where we don't even receive gift neither do we even celebrate birthdays but am grateful today at least since I didn't receive such from my parents, I show little by giving to others which is my joy no matter how little it may be
Thanks @emeka4. It’s good that you have joy in giving to others when you can with what you have. Doing things with a joyful heart vs. an obligated one makes all the difference.
I struggled getting to where I am but now as an adult I truly enjoy giving from my heart and not out of what may be excepted of me.
I see that you published a post about this, I’ll be headed over there to read it soon ;)
Thanks a lot
For sure ;)
since WW2 gifting is has become corporate mind control and has contributed to the production of junk harming the environment - Consumptionism is the THREAT!
Donating our time is the best gift ever - always been
This is such a truthful comment.
It took me a long time to realize and accept this. Because I was so trained to always have a physical present, I didn’t think my presence or time was good/precious enough. I now know differently. Living in obligation is very stressful and draining.
Thanks for the comment ~
This is a wonderful post about the power of gifts, giving & receiving, how our childhood's can shape us, and more.
This is something I'd love to see taught to more people, much earlier, and I'm glad your husband aided you in adopting such a view.
The world has enough people hyper-concerned with material positions, when we're all blessed with value in worth inside us, from birth. Every human life is full of precious potential and invisible 'gifts' to offer.
Thanks as usual for your positive, insightful, and uplifting content. 🙏
Thank you so much for visiting and for those nice remarks.
I totally agree. Although I know my parents meant well this way of training set me up for a lot of hard times and disappointments. I can’t get those times back that I missed from thinking I wasn’t welcome without having a physical gift.
YES! This right here needs to be added to my post lol! You hit the mark with exactly how I feel about this. Thank you for sharing that insight.
My pleasure! Super psyched to see you back on Hive (my bad for not checking, but still :D)
Yes! I know my parents meant well too, but it's so easy to set us up for disappointments or peculiar gift-giving beliefs accidentally. Ah well, now you have the opportunity to pass on any wisdom you've gleaned to your own kids! :)
Ayyy, I love when a line or concept lands just right, I feel you touched on it in your post anyway, and I'm glad because a human being's 'inherent value' and worth is a pretty important understanding to have, imho.
Anyway, as usual, epic post, fantastic discussion and engagement in the comments, thank you for it. 🙏
Oh yes and it feels good to be able to steer my kids in the right direction on this matter. Definitely don't want them to miss out like I did and feel this way.
Absolutely it’s important to understand ones value and worth!
Thanks so much again for adding your input to the convo ;)
Well the world can definitely benefit from more kids knowing their value and worth, so huge kudos to you for playing a key role there. Thank you too!!! 🙏