Rachel is back

in The Ink Well4 months ago (edited)


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Her vacant stare, her unfinished soup lying before her, and her rather faded clothes caught a lot of attention in that tiny cafe. This woman in her mid forties seemed rather out of place in this cafe. The cafe itself was a small place, decorated in bright colors, filled with young people, blasting loud music in a hippie sort of way. How did this woman saunter into this place, she looked like she had waked out of a time machine into the future.

Rachel's hair which hadn't seen a comb in months was tied in a clumsy bun. She looked quite dirty and didn't smell pleasant either. However, when one took a closer look at her one noticed her beautiful skin shining through beneath the dirt, her beautifully shaped nose, bow shaped lips and high cheekbones seemed to speak of a certain nobility in her.

"Rachel don't you want your soup, can I reheat it for you?" the young man asked her as he bent down on one knee to look into her eyes. Rachel didn't answer him, she looked through him. "Rachel" the young man in his mid twenties called out a bit louder this time, "won't you have your soup?"

Rachel smiled the most beautiful smile, that reached into her eyes she looked much younger now. Her eyes twinkled for a minute, before they went dull again. She put out her hand like a queen and the young man helped her to her feet. "Come I'll take you home," he said softly. She pushed his hand away and moved forward. "Rob, take her home,' the older man at the cash counter said to the young man.

"Rachel, darling come let's go," the young man said softly as he took her hands in his. The odd pair walked out as the young people in the cafe watched them as they walked hand in hand. Some joked about them, while others wondered loudly if Rob was her grandson and some others just looked at them without vocalizing their thoughts.

The once beautiful cottage with a small garden was Rachel's home. She smiled as she bent to pick some red roses. "Ray loved them," she said to no one in particular. "Ray would love to have some today" she said as she walked inside her home. Bessy a young woman in her early twenties smiled at Rob, "You brought Rachel back home again. You are the only who cares about her in these parts and the only one she even listens to," Bessy murmured. "She has been getting rather stubborn lately, I can get her to take a bath or wear clean clothes, will you come in and convince her to take a bath today? Bessy asked rather timidly. She didn't want to take advantage of the good natured young man.

"Yes, Bessy I'll talk to her. " Rob said gently with a hint of a smile on his face. "You run the bath water and I'll bring her in," he said. "Rachel, darling we need to go to church today, wash yourself and put on some fine clothes, I'll come back for you in an hour," Rob told Rachel in a gentle voice as he led her to the bathroom.

Rachel turned back and smiled at Rob, there was excitement in her eyes. When Rob passed by the cottage a little later, he saw Rachel in her garden talking to her flowers as she watered them. She was dressed in a pretty pink dress, her hair now neatly tied in a bun. Thank God for Bessy, she took good care of Rachel, Rob thought to himself. Rob and Bessy were the only relatives who cared for Rachel now.

Rob waved out to Rachel as she caught his eye, "Hi there Ray, having a busy day?" she asked. "Yes Rachel, I have to errands to do," Rob said as he hurried past. I need to find time to help Rachel he said to himself.

"Steve, can I take the afternoon off today," he asked the man at the cash counter. "For what young man? Has some village damsel caught your fancy now? Steve asked with a chuckle. "Nah, I want to spend some time with my old girl," Rob responded tongue in cheek. "Okay boy, you go I'll mange the cafe for the rest of the day", Steve said with gratitude in his voice. Steve another of Rachel's relative.

An hour later Rob dressed in clean clothes and a sachel hanging on his shoulders came to fetch Rachel from her little dilapidated cottage. Rachel walked out with a bunch of red roses in her arms. "Come on Rob we are late for church Rachel" said as she hurriedly grabbed Rob's arms and marched towards the church.

The pastor an old man, bent with age was at the door of the church when he saw Rachel marching in with Rob. "Hello Rachel, How are you today? he asked in a gentle voice. "I am good I am going to get married today I'll wait here for Ray to come" she said. "But Ray won't come Rachel," the old man said gently as he took her hands in his. Bob has gone home to be with God. "Shhh.. stop talking the bride is waiting for the groom now," she said. The pastor look at her in dismay.

As she waited rob came besides her and requested her to sit by him on the steps of the church. Rachel noticed that he had an album open in his lap. The album had pictures of Rachel dressed beautifully as a bride, there was images of her standing between her parents, and during her journey in the car to the church. The album ended with an image of Rachel waiting at the doorway.

As Rachel saw these images tears flowed from her eyes. Rob turned the pages further to display, images of Ray the groom waiting in his home. The beautifully decorated car and pictures of him getting into the car had strangely appeared in the album. The next page was blank Rob turned the page again and there was the image of Ray fallen to the ground covered in blood.

Rachel screamed with terror in her eyes, "Ray, Ray," she cried. Words refused to come out of her mouth. All these years she had assumed that Ray had chickened out of his commitment and fled the scene, now she knew what happened to Ray. She held the album to her chest and walked home slowly, sanity restored, muttering to herself, "I knew that you'd never let me down, Ray".

The village which had come to witness the scene now heaved a sigh of relief and thanked Rob for his patience and unwavering Support to Rachel. Rachel was back finally. They knew it.

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You hook the reader in with your emotional diatribe and you don’t let go until the final amazing reveal. Brilliantly conceived story and excellent delivery.

I appreciate the feedback. It helps to get this kind of deeply analytic feedback
Thanks for stopping by.
Have a great day @theinkwell team

The album made the woman see that her lover had not left her, apparently she found peace in that moment of light.

Thanks for sharing.
Good day.

True, she finally saw the truth and accepted it.
Sometimes we only see our side of things, we forget that there are two sides to the coin.
Thanks for stopping by
Have a great day @rinconpoetico7

Oh! I felt the emotions in the story.

Rachel, traumatised! thinking she was deserted by her soon to be husband, now knowing that her husband has been consumed by the shadows of death, comes back to reality with tears on her face. Even when sad she was reassured that her husband never would have left her standing in that doorway where all her lifelong dream was about to be accomplished.

Great story dear!

Thank you @zeegirl
Appreciate your feedback,
Yeah the trauma and the pain is what this is about.
Have a great day!

This story really held me spellbound, really great writing. The descriptions felt so real and vivid.

Thank you so much @diebitch. It is so much fun writing fiction.

It help her to find her lover. Good story