picture::https://pixabay.com/photos/lost-places-villa-ruins-abandoned-2759275/
Reaching the night, a very frightening sound came after tearing the sound of silence. The weather is very snowy, and it is raining lightly.
There is heavy darkness all around. The hand is not visible to the hand. There are 3 passengers on the bullock cart beside the bullock cart driver, who are moving at a slow speed towards the north. An old man, an old woman, and a very beautiful young woman are on their way to their uncertain destination in a bullock cart. The young lady is eight months pregnant.
Hearing the horrifying voice, all three passengers, including the coachman, felt their souls tremble, and were astonished.
Their bulls also staggered due to fear. The same dreadful sound came again. It seemed that some terrible animal was chewing on the body of a man with its sharp teeth.
The pregnant woman and the old woman trembled with fear on hearing that voice again. The old man asked the coachman to park the bullock cart on the side. The driver said to the old man in frightening words, "It would not be right to stay here." Continue forward.
This is good for all of us. Due to the gloomy atmosphere and terrible darkness, the pregnant young woman got labour pains even though the due date had not yet arrived.
The pregnant woman said to the old lady, who was her mother-in-law, please mother, "Now I am unable to bear any more pain. Please stop somewhere so that I can take a rest for some time."
The old couple said to the coachman that, seeing a safe place, please stop the bullock cart so that our daughter-in-law could rest for some time. The coachman, who was very frightened by that environment, said in a scared voice, Sorry Sir, it would not be right to stay here. This forest looks very terrible." I want to stop at a populated and safe place.
The family accepted his request, and their bullock cart kept moving forward. After going some distance ahead, they found an old ruined building from which rays of light were coming out.
All of them breathed a sigh of relief that now they would get a proper place to spend the night. They quickly reached there and one of them knocked on the door of that house. After knocking for a long time, a very old and weak man came out of that place and said, "Who are you guys?" and "What do you want?"
The coachman told him that we people are passers-by, and a pregnant woman with us, for whose treatment we are going to another city. The night has become dark, and the fear is feeling in the forest, so we want to stay here till morning. If we get a room, we will be very thankful to you. The old man smiled in a very suspicious way and said come behind me they were waiting for you for very years.
The man said that no one lives here; this is a ruined place; its owner died years ago; I am only the caretaker here. There are no facilities available in the rooms here. If you want to spend the night on the ground, you can come inside. Here you will not get anything to eat or drink at this time. I can only provide you with water.
Seeing the problem of their daughter-in-law, the elderly couple immediately said yes, and all four people immediately entered the house, but they did not feel good after going inside.
There was silence all around, there was no luggage in all the rooms inside the house, and the entire house looked terrible, but at that time, they needed shelter, so they all quietly put their sheets in a room and sat on them.
The location brought some relief to all of them tired, and despite her fear, their daughter-in-law got some rest. Both the elderly and the coachman soon went into the lap of sleep. The daughter-in-law lay silently on the ground for some time, then she felt some sound as if someone was calling her.
She moved towards that voice under the control of some magical power. Going there, she saw that a hand came out of a pit. Again a voice came out of that pit, "Take me out, I was the owner of this place and was murdered by my own relative. and that's why you are here because I brought you here to help me . My soul was wandering. I was buried alive in this place and My name was Gabriel.
At first, she was scared, but then she grabbed that hand and pulled it out. No one came out of her pulling, then a voice came, thanking you for freeing me. I was imprisoned here for 200 years and my salvation was fixed to be by your hands.
Hearing this, the pregnant woman came to her senses, she thought that she was lying on the sheet, how did she reach here. And thinking this she lay down and fell asleep.
All the people got up in the morning and started moving towards their destination in broad daylight, now all was calm, no one was afraid.
Treating the pregnant, her father-in-law and mother-in-law brought her back home, and after some 20 days she gave birth to a male child, but the most surprising was when that child started speaking only after 3 days and he told that he is Gabriel. He was born as this child because his soul was unsatisfied at that place.
The newborn child also told them that it was predetermined that a pregnant woman would pass through that forest and would relieve my soul from that trouble, that's why my soul was guiding your bullock cart in the forest.
Well done with this intense horror story, @fantom22. You set the scene and built the suspense very well. As the story progresses, it seems like something terrible is going to happen, and it's such a relief when they all leave the house in the morning without being harmed. But you had one more surprise in store for us!
Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members.
@theinkwell Even the branches of trees in the forest turn into scary sounds at night, and all this depiction was done only to scare, but that soul was born in the form of a child, perhaps this must have been the will of that God.
Oh my, this story had me in its grip, @fantom22. I was so worried about the creepy sound in the forest, and about whether the pregnant woman would have her baby in the woods. Now I'm worried that her baby is not a baby! 😄
Wow.
Gabriel, for 200 years had been a prisoner of family envy. The pregnant woman had fulfilled her destined assignment.
In live, we old a map to walk in to reach out destiny.
Well written.
Thank You very much @mrenglish you read and like my story, I am so pleased.
Wow...I exercise patience to go through this write up to the very end. It's an interesting story.
All thanks to the pregnant woman for saving the dead. Now she gave birth to the oke who she saved.
Thanks for your valuable comments @cool08 😄
It was a good read! I think you delivered the story with suspense and just enough words for us to imagine how it goes. The end was a twist too!
@indayclara Thank You very much.
Great ghost story. I particularly like the environment. I could vividly imagine myself in it, and this enhanced my experience of the story. There are two main comments that I have in regard to structure and plot. First, I noticed that in some instances, you put quotation marks when a character is talking and sometimes you do not. I think it works better if you consistently applied the rule. For example, here's a paragraph from the story:
I think that this would read better if you applied the quotation mark rule in the following manner:
In the second version, the ghost's words are put in quotation and in a separate paragraph, this makes it easy for the reader to follow the story. It's as if you're taking a breath to pause for effect.
My second comment is in regard to plot structure. I find the story very mysterious and I enjoyed how you unraveled the mystery piece by piece. That's why I think that the ending could be streamlined further because it feels rushed with all the information provided in the last two paragraphs. It's better when you show us hints of the truth than when you tell us outright. The very last paragraph could be edited out in a later version as the preceding paragraphs gives us sufficient clues.
Very enjoyable story. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you very much @litguru, you read the story of a new writer like me in this field so closely, and gave your opinion on it in such a beautiful way, I am very much obliged that you have given so many valuable suggestions by taking your precious time, which Will act as my guide for future. (The guide is also the prompt of this week)
I will definitely take advantage of your knowledge in my upcoming story.
thanks again,😌
Sincerely yours,
fantom22
The pregnant woman summoned courage to have freed the dead. It's not easy but it had been said that destiny brought her to the house.
The pregnant woman was courageous to help a wandering soul in desperate need. Description of the environment is vivid and clear too.
@stellageorge thank you very much .
You're welcome.
That is lovely. Gabriel found a way to reincarnate so to say. I was initially scared to continue reading.
@lightpen thank you very much for reading and commenting on my story.
Very good story of terror but at the same time of salvation, of a good action. You put that supernatural and spiritual touch that was very well written.
Greetings @fantom22
@popurri thank you very much for your appreciation, This is your nobility and greatness, otherwise, my story has no value in front of your writing.
Of course it has value. I am also learning in this art of writing and I thank you very much for your appreciation.
Greetings and happy day
@popurri 😅
@samdove lot of thanks to you for reading and commenting on my story.
@kingobonnaya Thank you sir.