Trying To Get Back On Track.. (I'm Back, I think)

in LeoFinance3 months ago (edited)


Joe: 7/**/59-12/18/2022 (Don't Rest in Peace, Have a Blast)

As many of you know, I've been taking a break while caring for my husband, Joe, who was fighting Cancer. I found I couldn't focus on much else once he had a re-occurrence after spending a year Cancer free.

I've started to write this post the last few days, but I've been over thinking it. What to share, what to not share.. etc. My brain, my writing and general communication skills are a bit rusty.

In short, Joe passed away Dec 18th, he didn't die of Cancer, he died from Cancer Treatment. He decided to do Chemo once the Cancer returned in April and although we were able to keep the Cancer at bay, the damage the chemo did to his digestive system, made it impossible for him to eat and for his body use nutrition properly. He slowly wasted away physically. Mentally, he was in good spirits and felt he was going to win the fight until the end. He was brave and optimistic and strong. I never viewed him as stronger than I did in his last days and he was always a gritty, tough, lovable guy.

I walk away heart broken that I lost him, but also incredibility thankful I got to spend such an important part of my life with such an amazing man. Grateful for having an amazing loving family and I feel like we did and tried everything we could to fight. In the end, he is finally Cancer Free and I hope he's enjoying feeling strong, playing some basketball, and riding a mountain bike. It was really painful to see him so sick and weak at the end, although he walked through it was an amazing amount of acceptance and grace.

We'd been together for 31 years and together for 32, and the last few months of care were intense. I find myself foggy brained and a bit in shock, but at some point even if it is messy, I have to start putting things back together and work towards some type of new normal, but I don't know what that looks like yet.

Our family came home for the last couple of weeks, but they've had to get back to jobs and work and their own families and as the shock slowly clears, I realize, I need to get busy again and focus back on the next chapter of my life.

While I am obviously aware of the raging bear market, I've hardly had a chance to think or worry about it and by my estimates we are a full year in, which means it's about to get more interesting maybe with some ups and downs and not just downs.

I apologize for the odd announcement post, but I felt like I needed to break the ice again before getting back to business. In the next week or so I need to catch up on what's been going on with Leo and Hive and get my mind around the Bear Market and where we are, so be patient as I get back to speed.

Joe Freeman.png

Many Thanks to those who checked in, sent emotional support and prayers and who listened and offered to listen to me during the past 6 months or so. I've been really focused on the family, but your kind words, prayers and thoughts meant the world to me.

I don't know if I will choose to talk much about his in this environment, but felt that all those who were there to support us should know that your words and messages meant a lot to me.

I hope to be seeing you regularly again on the Blockchain.


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I know we have not been in close contact but I have to tell you that I've always enjoyed your presence on Hive/Leo and later Twitter.. Your tweets brought a smile to my face very often and broke the ice that day. I was very sad to read your message that your husband passed away and I wish you a lot of strength on your journey finding your new normal.. It must be hard, but it seems you have good support and I wish you a lot of positivity to get you through the healing process. Take care <3

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Thank you so much for the kind words and I guess we will continue to know each other going forward.

I'd like that :) Wishing you a Happy New Year despite the circumstances. <3

RIP to him, fighting an illness isn't easy, going through treatment is another uphill task on it's own. I hope you find the fortitude to thrive on. So sorry. Hopefully you'll hit the ground running. Welcome back.

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Thank you

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My condolences @whatsup ...........
I read your Twitter post about Joe passing......
Over 31 years, and I am sure the years went way too quickly......
You two look very happy together......
Take care of yourself.....😀

We really did like each other and enjoy each other's company, not saying we were perfect, but we just got along well.

Thank you for your kind words.

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I'm sorry for your loss. Chemo is what did in my grandmother when she had breast cancer, it's tragic that the "cure" is deadly. Loss is tempered with time so try to give yourself a sufficient period of adjustment.

Yeah, Chemo stinks, I didn't want him to do Chemo the second time around since we were having some success with natural solutions, but it was his choice and there is no way to know what else might have happened.

Thank you for the kind thoughts.

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So good to hear from you @whatsup ... so sorry to hear that your absence was due to losing the love of your life, in human form anyways. He'll be with you in spirit.

Take the path to healing you need to take. You are missed when you are away but people who care understand.

I'm still all over the place emotionally. It's hard to predict what I "need" at this point.

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The main thing I found was to be patient with myself… others sometimes put expectations on grief. It takes however long is needed to deal with a loss.

I told myself I wasn’t gonna cry on the train again… good to feel though! I only had a few interactions with him but I really liked him and thought about checking to see if he was still posting but forgot about it, then I heard this on twitter.

All I can say is that I hope we can feel blessed for the good things we have and not get too messed up when somebody passes on. I’m counting 8 years now and I hope I feel nothing but blessed to have another 23 years with her.

I’m very sorry for your loss but happy that you have great people in your life.

Also glad to finally see your face 😊. Be strong and cry all you want 🙏

Oh man I'm so sorry for your loss! That's awful, I know I've thought about him here and there over the past several months, hoping for improvement in his condition. That's not good but his suffering is over which is good.

I know that the treatments are what are the worst for that stuff. So much of it is incredibly toxic and has so many side effects as he experienced, incredible GI distress.

I'm sure he is enjoying some basketball and mountain biking that's for sure! His journey on this plane may be over but I know that there is another plane of existence out there. I don't know what it's called, not necessarily the "heaven" that many think it is but I know there is something different and what we are doing here on Earth is just one thing among many that our spirits take on our journey.

I look forward to seeing you around, even if it's not under ideal circumstances but at least the hardest part of it all is over and you can get on with living life, knowing his memories will be there to motivate you and lift your spirits when they need it.

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Thank you, what a thoughtful response.. I'm glad to have something to focus on, and glad to be back

I'm sad and lonely, but nothing is going to fix that for a while, so I might as well feel sad and lonely here!

I can not even imagine or pretend to know what you are going through especially during this time of year. This is a beautiful post and the love you two share really came through wonderfully. Life is suffering and hopefully you and your loved ones can find solace in the end of his suffering and the beginning of loving memories to carry you through.

I sent a couple of NFTs your way too!

Happy Holidays Whatsup.

I do feel happy he isn't sick anymore and also so incredibility thankful for having him and what we shared.. We raised a beautiful family and I try to focus on what I still have, but also.. It's a huge painful loss, the life I knew is gone and I don't know what the new one looks like. I just hope I can walk into it and through it with as much bravery and strength as Joe walked through the end of his life here on Earth.

Thank you for the kind words and the NFTs! Hive/Leo is filled with some amazing and thoughtful people, much more than even I knew.

Hive, for better or worse the community always shines through here.

Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

  • "Scarlet Begonias" by The Grateful Dead

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. Too often we forget that there are real people and real lives with real joys and pains behind these names and posts we put here on Hive. I realize there is nothing that can be said to make things better, but know this: you have been missed and there are a lot of people here who are sending thoughts and prayers your way to help you through to the other side. And there is another side. Unfortunately the only way is through, step by step and day by day.

As you say,

I walk away heart broken that I lost him, but also incredibility thankful I got to spend such an important part of my life with such an amazing man.

The blessing and the curse of sharing your life with a soulmate. For "better of for worse", right?

God has a plan for us all and the next chapter for you is about to begin. Stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for help. Peace.

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I do believe the 2nd chapter of my life will be appreciated at some point, and sometimes I can build up a flicker of interest in it. Right now, it's just so hard to picture.

One day at a time I'm getting up, remembering to be thankful for what I had instead of sad about losing him and just taking care of business until new things begin to interest me.

My deepest sympathy to you @whatsup. I know how hard it is to adjust to live a life that something is missing. I lost my father too this year and I know the pain is still there. Sending virtual hugs to you.

Thank you and I'm very sorry to hear about your dad as well.

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I had no idea you were going through something so awful, it's always tough for those left behind, trust me I've been there!

My heartfelt condolences and now it's just one day at a time I guess, you sound very together but I know it's tough so one day at a time and you'll find balance between never forgetting and your new normal!

Thank you, sorry you've been there!

My condolences. An incredibly hard road for you both up to this point, but you travelling on from here, you don't walk alone.

Thank you Tarazkp! I appreciate your kind words.

I know how it feels to loose a loved one. I know what it feels like to be with someone for a long time and you suddenly realize that that person is gone forever.

You are a strong woman and I am glad you are moving on from the loss. I pray you find every strength you need to pull through.

Sending you hugs❤

Thank you for your kind thoughts, and I'm sorry that you know how it feels, wouldn't wish it on anyone

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Please accept my condolences. I have lost someone very dear to me years ago and I might have some idea what are you going through. As some other people said, you don't have to apologise for sharing this with the community whose valuable member you have always been.

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Thank you, while it feels rough, I hope it will get a little easier with passing time and practice.

wow very courageous and strong personality you have. Only JesusChrist can heal and give you peace.

Thank you

Welcome back hiver! 🤗

Thanks! Good to have at least one small thing to focus on.

I'm so sorry for your lost. I mean it. I lost so many people and prayers and keep my mind busy and my heart worm has been my medicine. There's a lot you can shared with us here, we are here for you 🤗

I offer my deepest ever condolences to you and your family. His smile really made me emotional when I got to learn that he is no more.

And you are a brave lady as well. It takes more than just an announcement to open up. I pray to the almighty to give you the strength to bear this loss. God bless you.

Thank you, I'm sure I'll find my way, one day at a time.

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know either of you personally but it's clear that you lived a true love story.

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I do feel like we did, and we passed that love story down to our kids, and I hope they live it as well.

I do know I was lucky to have him and that many will never be that lucky.

Wow, Im kind of short for words that cover the load of what you guys have been going through. Such along time together and damn heartbreaking...

Wishing you much strength madame ..hang in there!

Thank you, it's rough, but I do intend to hang in there and rebuild a life that makes sense again, but it is going to take some time to figure that out.

You sound resilient in your determination to make sense in all of this. Taking the hat off for that

condolences dear WU, you have always been in our minds 🍀

Thank you

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It's truly been a while... Welcome back. So sorry for your loss

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I think it will be good for me to start to pick up some tasks again until I decide what I want to do next.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Cancer is something that has affected my family as well as it does many others.


Cancer and our currect treatment of it seems almost inhumane. It really does suck.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Cancer sucks! Cancer treatment is a very difficult process! I don't know what to say... I'm really sorry... All I can say is stay strong.

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Thank you!

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, I hope he will rest in peace.
he has been really strong to have gone through that illness.

stay strong, and be back to share things here on hive again.

Thank you for the condolences and I guess we just have to get started doing things in life again to heal.

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I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Welcome back.

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Thank you, and good to see you.

The way you speak of him... Am glad you had such an amazing partner to share life with.

I realize we were lucky, we got married young, blended family and we managed to rock it! I'm super proud of that. Man, I am sure going to miss him though

His smile is beautiful and heartwarming. I'm sure he'll have a blast.
Take it easy as you find your way back to dry land. Whatever the new normal looks like, it only has to make sense to you. You're amazing. X.

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I did love his smile so much and I'm glad you noticed.

Thank you for your kind words.

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Sorry to hear about your loss. May the Lord's comfort be with you and your family. Glad to see that you're back. 32 years of being together until separated by something that no human can control. That to me is beautiful.

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Thank you

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You're welcome.

I'm so sorry for your loss. In my opinion, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for posting this. Shows that we are all humans behind the handles. Wishing you all the best!

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Thank you

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so sorry to hear about your loss, i pray for you and your family during this time. may his soul rest in peace.

Thank you

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Cancer sucks! I lost a close one few years back. All I can say is stay strong.

Cancer does suck! Thank you

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I'm sorry I had no idea you were suffering this, and the grief must still be very, very raw. Chemo is rough, and hope sometimes isn't enough, as you know, but he sounds like a inspiration in his attitude which will give you strength to as you move onto this next phase without him. Sending you warmth to get through the next bit 💕💕💕

Yes, he was inspiring, and yes I am raw, so proud of out family who were there at the end and filled with love and support.

Appreciate your kind words..

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Heart goes out to you. It's a beautiful photo of you both x

Qué experiencia tan dura, te entiendo perfectamente, sé lo difícil que es perder a un ser querido sin poder hacer nada más de lo que estuvo en nuestras manos. Yo también perdí a mi mamá, hace casi un año ya, las quimioterapias contra el cáncer fueron degenerando su sistema óseo, cosa que entendimos al final de todo. Fue muy doloroso para ella y a nosotros nos dolía no poder hacer más, no poder darle un poco de nuestra vida o de nuestra energía para verla otra vez andar. Te acompaño en tus sentimientos, acepta esta pérdida y continúa adelante recordando los momentos bonitos junto a ese ser especial. Saludos y que recibas un año nuevo con más esperanzas y prosperidad! Bendiciones!

Thank you

The place hasn't been the same without you.

Haha, looks about the same. :) But thank you what a kind thing to say.

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The faces have changed some, and some of the natives have given new insight into who they really are.

My condolences. Stay strong.
Please, start posting again on Leofinance. Nothing to vote around here lately.

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It's my intention to get back to busy! Thank you oldtimer so happy to see you around.

My heartfelt condolences on the passing of your Joe. When such a dynamic person exits your world it rocks you like nothing else.

I have missed the 'voice of reason' that you bring to this big crypto family and am pleased to see you come back.

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Thank you for your thoughts and welcoming me back. I'm a bit wimpy and rusty, but I expect things will come back together in a new way as I practice life in my new circumstances.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. The pain of such a loss of a partner is something I haven't felt yet, but the pain of losing many friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and some relatives in the two years of lockdown can certainly come close. I lost my bestfriend in July of last year. I've known him for 26-years and he was like an older brother to me. And I still can't believe that he and some other friends are gone. It's hard to accept it, but I know that the passge of time will help ease the pain.

Thank you for your condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend.

It's super hard being the one left to miss the other.

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It's hard to muster all the strength from within to pull ourselves out of it. But grief is a burden one should not carry for so long. I have to start moving on.

So sorry for your loss, may the lord give you the fortitude to bear the loss. Welcome back on track

Thank you

You are welcome friend

RIP. Share whatever feels comfortable. Don’t rush an I am sure step by step you will find your new normal. Even by not having cancer you are also a survivor because not all stay by their loved ones in times of such illnesses:

Thank you

My sincere condolences, it is heartbreaking to lose our loved ones, not an easy moment in our lives when that happens.
May he rest in peace.

Take your time to get back into things gradually, it took me about 6 months to start getting back to normal when I lost my mom 7 years ago and couldn't fly home for the burial. Finally, I am looking forward to visiting where she was buried in March next year.

Best wishes.

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Thank you, yes I am fortunate to be able to get back going slowly

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My condolences @whatsup, that must be difficult. It's great to read you are also celebrating the great years you had together though. Take care!

Thank you

Yep, he is free now. We all will have that journey, so it's nice to see you strong enough to fix your mind for this new normal.
Joe rest in peace & @whatsup nice to see you again!


Stay strong & we (hive community) always here for you

Good to see ya. And thank you for the kind words!

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Good to see you as well.

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Om Shanti , heartfelt condolence to you, Life has to move on, you will stand strong soon.

Thank you

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My condolences.

You never get over these things, you just learn to live with them. You will be well, and stronger than ever. Glad to see you back here.

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Good to see you, yes, in time I am sure I'll rebuild and put together a new life a 2nd chapter of sorts. For now it's one foot in front of the other until some sense of normality kicks back in.

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Hey @whatsup, so glad to see you back. I missed your GM tweets and puns so bad. 👊👊

Cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I know it's not easy but keeping yourself busy is one step toward moving on.

Sending hugs and love 💖

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Hi Finguru, missed you too and there is a part of me that is glad to be back!

Thank you!

So emotional post but I love your courage to move on despite what happened. May his soul rest in peace and may God give you the fortitude to keep moving.
Thank God he has gone to rest too because being in sickness is something sad and discomforting.

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Well, I really have no choice as I am still here, to get up, pull myself together and start living again.

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That is the best thing to do. Living again is a good choice and all the best for you in a new year.

What everyone else said. Condolences, sorry, all that stuff. It's easy to quote a couple formalities when we don't know what to say. Death sucks like that.

Joe was lucky to have you. That was an emotional read, @whatsup, be proud of that one.

It's true and I know I'm not the only one to lose my spouse, but man it feels like it right now.

We were lucky together I guess.

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This is so sad to hear and am very sorry for the loss please accept my condolences and bounce back strong.

Thank you

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My condolences. It saddens me to hear cancer took away another life. 😢

Thank you

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