Words of Expectation

Smallsteps' Finnish is stronger than her English, as 95% of her life is lived in the local language. This isn't to say her English isn't strong, but there is definitely a clear difference between the two. We are encouraging her to be more inquisitive with the language to enrich her range and ask questions when she doesn't understand and today, she asked what "expect" means.

It would be relatively easy to give her the Finnish translation for it at the beginning, but this is generally not the best way to learn a language, as it doesn't build the "story" around the word, the visualization that holds it in memory and helps recall. To do that requires context and illustration to build the concept, and then practice to ensure that it is "owned" by the learner - who in this case is Smallsteps.

And, rather than just teach her a word and the meaning, I use the "lesson" to cluster other concepts into the mix, with today being a refresher lesson on three states of time;

Past, present and future.

This is important for language learning also, but in terms of expectations, it is valuable to first understand that we can only expect something to happen in the future. Me being me though, it also then included the development of while we may have expectations, it doesn't mean that they are going to actually happen. The example I used was that I expect it to be a sunny day, but that doesn't mean it won't get cloudy or rain.

The future is always unknown, no matter what we expect it to be.

This is hard to explain to a six year old, but through illustration of concepts they already understand, it is possible to get the point across in their own words. For instance, I asked what she expects from me and what came to her mind was,

I expect you to play a memory game with me.
(Simple card game)

And I said I planned on it, but asked what happens if I get an urgent call from work and have to go? She obviously then said that I wouldn't be able to play, so then what she expected to happen, won't.

Will you be disappointed?

Yes. But we can play after.

Exactly. Plans change.

This conversation went on for about an hour and we talked about many things surrounding it, as she went off in tangents and spent time to reiterate everything we spoke of in examples that she can understand. This is the value of discussion, as while learning the word and its meaning is one thing, to apply it well requires understanding, but understanding can't be given by another, it has to be developed internally - at least until downloading skills straight from the matrix is possible.

But, whilst people say "expect nothing", this is not actually a good position under many circumstances.

The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools. - Confucius

Expectation is about prediction of what could happen, but it is never going to be 100% certain. Like in the Confucian quote above, if you expect that you want to perfect a skill, you should prepare the conditions for success of that end. The problem is when there is an expectation on the future that requires attendance and preparation in order to fulfill, but that work doesn't get done, but the expectation still holds firm. When you don't do the work necessary and then don't get the result you want...

What else can you expect?

As said, we spoke about this in terms of past, present and future, where the future is determined by the past, but we can't change what has already happened and we can't guarantee the future, but we can affect what we are doing right now. So, if we expect we want a particular outcome in the the future, regardless of the past, we can still act in ways that give us the best chance of success to reach that goal. That might be having to change what we are doing quite drastically and this might be uncomfortable, so we also have to consider if we are willing to do different than what we have done to get to where we want to be.

This step is vital, because while people can visualize the future they want, all they want, if they aren't acting toward that end, they are very, very unlikely to get there. But, because they might spend a lot of time fantasizing about that future, it can become quite real to them, even though it is improbable to reach, based on their actions.

This where entitlement comes in too, isn't it?

People feel they are entitled to certain outcomes, because they expect that they deserve them based on some set of conditions, even if they aren't necessarily meeting the prerequisites to get there. But, even if they are meeting the prerequisites, that doesn't mean that they are guaranteed getting what they "deserve".

For instance,

Everyone has the human right to live in safety.

But, this isn't reality and each year, there are around 400,000 homicides globally, which doesn't include civilian deaths from war. There is the right, but it is more of a "right", a moralistic position based on personal (general) ideals. This is the same for all rights, including the right for free speech, the right for an education, the right for identity equality etc. None of these things are guaranteed by unbreakable natural laws, they are social concepts that may be protected by human law, but that doesn't stop Human behavior from breaking the law.

Expecting otherwise, is folly.

Yet, we are all foolish. We all live in a world of expectations and although we might not want to attach ourselves to them, because we know that there are no guarantees, our human assumption machine just doesn't have the capacity and bandwidth to continually fight against its will to create generalizations and heuristics to navigate our existence.

When we think it is going to be a sunny day, plan for a sunny day, get excited over a sunny day - even though we know we can't control the weather, if it rains, we will be disappointed.

This is why it is a parent's job to introduce "disappointment" into childhood experience, which isn't hard to do. It is because it is literally a lesson in expectation setting and failing, as the "appointment" part is about agreeing and assigning to something, in this case, a condition in the future. The "dis" part is the un-assigning of that condition, breaking the agreement.

If we aren't accustomed having our plans "disappointed" in life, we are going to spend a lot of time disappointed, because plans rarely go to plan. Learning this early in life is far easier than having to learn it later when the plans carry more effective weight on experience.

Now obviously, this isn't the full conversation or the way I spoke about it with Smallsteps, but all of these concepts (plus several more) were introduced into the discussion. We spent time talking about these things and both of us really enjoyed the conversation, where we got to explore each other's understandings and form a closer bond around the learning of a "simple" word. When it comes to words like this though, there is no such thing as simple, because to understand it well, there is a whole lot of psychological and emotional background that can be included - but as with anything in life, there is no such thing as full understanding,

all knowledge is a work in progress.

While we might want to, we can't expect to understand it all.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]