It's very difficult to restart life from scratch - Refugee Life

in Team Ukraine3 months ago (edited)

Summer in the Netherlands means holidays, vacations, festivals, and BBQ parties. Some go out to the beach, some go for the canal ride. I am not habituated to the culture of Almere city, in fact, I find the culture of the town very confusing because all kinds of people live in Almere. It's been almost 3 months I have been living in the municipality Almere, Flevoland yet still I haven't seen or experienced anything because of my situation. I work, come to the room, and sleep, that's all.

Gigi is doing better, the medicines given by the vet have worked nicely. One thing I have learned about having a dog is that my life revolves around Gigi. I have daily routines that I look forward to spending with her and she gives me fun, little distractions from my complicated life. Having Gigi in my life is a blessing, I don't know how I would have kept myself mentally stable without her when I fled from the war. When I come back home after a long shift, Gigi is the one who greets me with her happy face and paws. Literally, it's her everyday routine. But due to her sickness, she has slowed down and has become a little bit calm.

Gigi's doctor/vet stayed connected with me, she called me often to take updates on Gigi's health and I am grateful that I have met a nice vet who really cared about Gigi. She said that it will take time for her to recover. She is not losing blood anymore but still, she can't hold her urine properly. The vet said it was a good sign that Gigi's blood with urine stopped and she assured me that Gigi will be fine soon.

Seeing the current situation of my life, I am feeling like every week is getting challenging for me, it's hard and every week something new I have to deal with. Maybe argument with people, maybe health issues or maybe life problems. It seems like my problematic life just started and it's ongoing, it's not gonna end soon.

I was really considering going back to Ukraine, Kharkiv. It's hard to survive in this new life and I personally don't like to live in miserable living conditions even though I have a job in the Netherlands. I guess I am having a hard time adjusting here and I don't like it. My living expenses are very limited and basic. I can't buy any lovely clothes or shoes, before going to any restaurant here in Almere, I think twice about whether I can afford the payment or not. I don't sleep, I sometimes go out in the middle of the night and I look like a zombie. I can't sleep because of anxiety, my future is uncertain and I have no idea what to do, from where to start. I thought, probably going outside, and meeting new people will help me to feel good but it rarely does. Most of the time, I feel anxious and confused. My point is if I can't accept my consequences, how I am gonna move forward with this life. I don't know what to do, going back to Ukraine or what. If I want to go to Kharkiv, is it safe!!! The answer is obviously no... My life situation could be worst if I go back now.

I am living at that crucial point from where I can't go back nor step forward, I am scared. It's very painful to accept when people consider me a refugee and starts showing sympathy. I don't find peace and mental happiness anywhere. I don't have a home to live in now so how can I expect that I will find peace and satisfaction in myself?

I am not alone, everybody who fled from the war is having a hard time rebuilding their life. It's not that easy, it's very difficult to restart life from scratch...


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Thank you so much for reading...




Love

Priyan...



I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...



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All images used are captured by the author... Taken in Ukraine...

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Hey there Priyan!

You are incredibly brave. Hang in there and keep your head up.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Hang in there and keep your head up.

I am trying and to be honest, it's hard for me. I have lost almost everything and now regret and guilt kinda eating me inside.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Thank you... I needed this...

You're from Bangladesh? Have you ever considered going back to Bangladesh? You were an immigrant in Ukraine?

I wrote about this a long time ago, my homeland/motherland is Bangladesh, I was born there but I was settled in Ukraine for the past 7 years. Yes, I am an Immigrant in Ukraine...

Have you ever considered going back to Bangladesh?

No, I have some personal issues and it's not an ideal idea for me to go back there though my father is still in Bangladesh.

No matter what the future have waiting for you, you will crash it and will be doing amazing. Life have just too many factors we can't control and you are doing amazing with this situation that happened to you

I am so emotional and that's why probably, I can't handle things properly as I should. I have left the warzone, I made the scariest journey in life. But still, I am not proud of myself, why I don't know. Probably I am angry, probably I am holding too much inside me, I don't know...

It is normal. As you said it is a lot of emotions and also it is a lot to deal with. Many changes. You will be so proud of yourself when you are ready for it. Are you going to therapy or something? You you should try and do that. Just to help you on working on all those emotions and get you to see all that you have done and achieve in that whole mess that happened.

Are you going to therapy or something? You you should try and do that.

That's another disappointing situation, from the beginning when I entered in EU, I was looking for therapists. In the beginning, they said, therapists are only available for Ukrainian nationals and you are not national. Later, they said you don't have any health insurance or anything so we can't help you. Someone was helping me but she is not always available and she is not professional... I just explained the story in a short way, there is more...

So, I find everything very disappointing and that's why I think sometimes better to go back instead of having this upsetting life.

Yeah I don't know how the national health services work there. But here in the UK in the majority of the cities there are this "crisis" centers, that usually are for free and it is not to help on the long term. But they are full of people to try and give some help and guide people that are struggling. To at least try and give them some tools for the worst moments. Maybe try and research if there isbsomething similar. Or even some phone lines to help.

I talked to some phone lines and they made me disappointed unfortunately when they heard I have a medical history. Anyway, I am going to do health insurance very soon so I think after that I can take professional help...

Always good to see updates from you (and Gigi). I'm glad to hear she is getting better. Be well.

The vet said Gigi will be okay soon. On 20th July we are going to have her Urine test, I hope all will be good...

I know it's tempting to go back to Kharkiv as everything you own is there, as well as your heart. You would only be swapping one lot of stress for another as obviously it's not safe. I'm hoping if/when you get a different job things might improve a little for you.

I'm pleased to hear Gigi is a bit better. At least both of you are safe. X

I know it's tempting to go back to Kharkiv as everything you own is there, as well as your heart. You would only be swapping one lot of stress for another as obviously it's not safe. I'm hoping if/when you get a different job things might improve a little for you.

You are right, even my friend was telling me that it's not a good idea to risk life to go back to Kharkiv because it's not safe. Besides she was saying that you can return anytime so just wait because it's not a good idea to travel with the dog to the warzone again...

Yes, it's good advice. ❤

It's way past my bedtime and I'm not very eloquent right now, but I just wanted to say

❤️

and that I hear you.

I know you care for me and I really appreciate you took the time to read my post before sleep. It means a lot to me... Sending love from NL...

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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I am glad to hear that Gigi is getting better! 💜 I wish you weren't so tired after work each day, so you could do something fun 🤔

If I want to go out, I have to take the day off. Normally I get 2 days off every week but it's not on the weekend. I usually go out with Gigi or do other necessary things during the day off instead of traveling around. I think when I will feel stable a bit, I will start exploring places...